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Original poster

My partner doesn’t want to celebrate his 40th birthday!

42 replies

JKCR2017 · 07/01/2019 11:51

OH is 40 this year, he is adamant he doesn’t want a party which is fine but he doesn’t want to celebrate it at all. He’s not keen on turning 40 😬

I plan to buy him some nice gifts. May start soon as I don’t have a lot of spare money as we have two DC so I will start picking up some gifts and store them until his birthday. Obviously nice cards from myself and DC, a cake!! Maybe we will go McDonald’s for lunch or something 😂

Anyone else have partners who don’t want to celebrate the milestone birthdays?

I am 12 years younger, so have 2 years until the big 30. I won’t want a party, hate the attention but I would like to do something nice!

OP posts:

FrenchyQ · 07/01/2019 18:03

It was my 40th last year and i had to be quite firm with my family that i did not want a party or a fuss. We went to the zoo for the day, which was a perfect day for me.
If he doesnt want to celebrate then you just have to respect that.

cortex10 · 07/01/2019 18:10

DH would have a party with friends for every birthday if he had the chance - I'm the complete opposite. I have a big 0 birthday later this year and I think he was a bit put out earlier this week when he asked what I'd like to do to celebrate and I said I wasn't bothered to do anything more than a meal out with DS and his girlfriend. Probably prompted by hearing that a close friend born on the same day as me is going on a three week cruise/tour for hers. We'll probably go on a long-awaited trip to Oz next year but I don't want it timed to coincide with my birthday.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 07/01/2019 18:25

I don't make much of birthdays either and luckily my family know that a surprise party is my idea of hell.

I love throwing parties but never linked to my birthday. I hate birthdays and New Year too - the relentless passage of time doesn't seem like something to celebrate.

I think the most important thing about other people's birthdays is to mark them in whatever way they - not you - prefer. One of my brothers is currently very skint and insisted they wouldn't be giving or receiving Christmas presents. I was moaning to DSD about how I wanted to get his family presents regardless of whether they bought us anything. I got gently reprimanded by DSD who told me the only possible course of action was to respect his wishes. That was me told.

Diamondangel8 · 07/01/2019 18:35

I get how it feels. im dreading turning 40 next year. So I booked a holiday to New York for my 40th so I'm excited now 😂. Wouldn't want a party. It's a bit lame.

SandyY2K · 07/01/2019 18:36

Maybe somewhere better than McDonald's though.

70sbaubles · 07/01/2019 18:44

Being 40 is shit. Whats to celebrate?

SueGeneris · 07/01/2019 18:44

Neither DH nor I wanted parties for our 40ths. Me because I don't like being the centre of attention and him because he felt depressed about turning 40.

For both our birthdays we went away for a long weekend with the DC somewhere nice and had a good meal out. That worked well for us, though I had to persuade DH for his bday that it was a good excuse to go away. I think it might have felt more depressing doing nothing?

Aragog · 07/01/2019 19:45

I have no issues over age and turning milestones birthdays. I don't really feel much olde most of the time, so my age is simply a number most of the time.

I do celebrate my birthday as in I receive gifts and cards from close family and friends, and me, dh and DD will go for a meal, etc.

But I don't want a party, I don't want big meal out with lots of people, or a bigger get together. I don't want to be centre of attention. I don't enjoy it.

On my 40th we received the OFSTED call at school, so I spent most of mine sorting stuff for that and working later. I went for a quickish meal with dh and dd that night. We already had a holiday booked the week after, so that was kind of 'for my birthday' too.
On DH's 40th we (the three of us) had a weekend in London and a nice meal out.

When you say he doesn't want to celebrate - do you mean he doesn't want to acknowledge at all? Or just doesn't want a fuss with lots of people involved?

LegoPiecesEverywhere · 07/01/2019 19:57

I don’t like a fuss at all especially for milestone birthdays. What is there to like? I much prefer going out for dinner with dh.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 07/01/2019 19:59

I generally ignore my birthday, except for a cake with candles after normal family dinner. For the birthdays ending in zero I like to spend the day in bed with the duvet over my head.

E20mom · 07/01/2019 20:02

I hate celebrating milestone birthdays. Everyone's different.

BikeRunSki · 07/01/2019 20:02

DH hares attention, hates crowds and is really not that gregarious socially (business is a different matter). He does not like parties. For his 40th he wanted to “see puffins”. I ruled out Iceland on cost, but we had a week end away with the dc (4 and 7 at the time) to East Yorkshire, where we spent a day and night in Beverley and then went off to the coast to see puffins the next day. We only live in West Yorkshire!

thebaronetofcockburn · 07/01/2019 20:06

I don't care about my birthday and would certainly hate a fuss of any sort of don't see anything different about a 'milestone' birthday. Not bothered about getting older but just don't see the point in big hoopla about it. We usually have a takeaway and a cake and that's it.

Topseyt · 07/01/2019 20:07

We don't do mega celebrations here. I am happy with just a meal out with DH and the DDs. A surprise party would be my idea of hell. I'm absolutely not a party animal.

My birthday is in August, so has sometimes just happened to coincide with us being on holiday simply because it is in the school summer holidays. We still just nip out for a meal and share a bottle of wine.

I should think that just getting your DP some thoughtful gifts and keeping things like me as you are doing will be about right.

purplegoat · 07/01/2019 20:12

My husband didn't want to do anything for his 40th. A party would be his idea of hell. So I got him a gift that was a step up from the usual gifts. I made him a pretty big (and rather good if I do say so myself) birthday cake (he loves cake and would hate a birthday to pass without it) and we went for a meal at a fancy restaurant just the two of us. In fairness our wedding happened 2 weeks later so it wouldn't have been practical to have a party even if he wanted one.

My 40th is next year and I'm still not sure how I'm that old!? My sister also as an 0 Birthday next year too and we've talked about having a joint party. Getting older doesn't bother me. It's a privilege denied to many.

SandyY2K · 07/01/2019 20:47

It might also be because you're a lot younger than him too.

DarthLipgloss · 09/01/2019 11:04

I'm 50 in 2 years, I don't want to mark it and a big part of that is that DP will only be 37.
I know it's daft, but I do feel sensitive about it like it makes our age gap bigger somehow me turning 50 before his 40th? He keeps joking about having a party and me being old...

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