Grandparents want to see my get married...

[JKCR2017]

So I’ve always been really close to my gradndparenrs. They are in their late 70’s so hopefully be around for a good few years yet!

I’ve been with Oh for 6 years. He took on DS as his own and we have DS. Although we aren’t married, we are in a stable faithful and trustworthy relationship. We are pretty much a married couple but without being married 😂😂

Whilst visiting my grandparents today marriage was brought up and how they think we should get married as they would like to see it before they go 😰 OH laughed it off saying we can’t afford it yet but it’s been playing on my mind all day.

We have talked about marriage, a lot actually. It’s something we both want but we cannot afford it because we only have one income at the minute (I find it impossible to work around Oh’s new unsociable work hours). We also need to save for a new kitchen as ours is so basic and it needs a re-furb.

Now I’m thinking.. obviously they would like to see me get married but I’m also thinking it’s because they want me to have security in the future. OH owns our house, he bought it when we had been together a few months and I moved when we had been together about 2 years. I have contributed financially to the house and obviously looked after it etc but technically it’s not mine. I didn’t pay anything the deposit etc, it’s all in his name (which I’m fine with btw).

Feeling pressurised about getting married. I’d love to get married but I don’t want a budget wedding and we cannot afford an expensive one right now! We aren’t even engaged!!

If he splits up with you, you will have no entitlement to your new kitchen or anything else to do with the house. There is no such thing as common law. You’ll get maintenance for the DC, that’s it. Don’t leave yourself financially vulnerable. I feel like you’re being quite naive.

Things are financially shared though are they. He owns the house and funds everything as you have no own income.

For him, getting married puts him at a distinct disadvantage whereas you would gain considerably.

The fact you want the big day rather than just the marriage suggests you aren't actually ready to get married or would be doing it for the wrong reasons,

Getting married isn't all that, but where is your house, your pension, your future? Why are you not working full time to secure your future and your kids future if your partner won't?

OP has gone and she won't come back. We're not saying what she wants to hear.

Your grandparents have it spot on!

These threads upset me. So many women put themselves in financial jeopardy. Don’t give up work if you have children. You can end up with nothing.

Fat lot of use “your” new kitchen will be to you if you split up and he moves a new woman in.
Do please see the sense in getting married - it gives you legal protection.
Weddings may be romantic, but marriage is about a contract between two people.

Yes, this topic seems to come up most weeks.