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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

If you are a man

63 replies

Productrecall · 04/01/2019 00:45

Who would you be buying this for? Anyone with a birthday, or are the hearts restrictive? Would they even register with you as inappropriate in some cases?

If you are a man
OP posts:
TooTrueToBeGood · 04/01/2019 11:03

In my experience, men and women have a completely different attitude towards cards. My wife, who I believe is a typical woman, can spend what seems like hours browsing cards, reading the messages and deliberating on which one is most appropriate. She can visit several shops before finally choosing and has been known to come home with more than one because she still can't decide.

I believe myself to be a typical man. I think I'm doing well if I even remember to buy a card. I'll hit the nearest shop and will have picked a card in 5 minutes max. As long as it is for the right occassion and isn't blatantly inapproproate for the recipient the job's a good 'un.

I'm not the worst. One of my mates good a pounding a couple of years ago for buying his partner a "to my girlfriend" a card that on closer inspection was clearly intended for a same-sex relationship.

I would see the OP's card as perfectly fine for any female friend or relative that felt inclined to buy a birthday card for. It wouldn't even register with me that the hearts might imply romantic feelings.

RedForShort · 04/01/2019 11:03

What am i missing here? Is there some deep psychological meaning behind a bog standard birthday card I've missed?

RedForShort · 04/01/2019 11:07

Based on that TooTrueToBeGood I must be a man (I'm not, just checked) 5 minutes spent buying a card would be akin to an expedition!

TooTrueToBeGood · 04/01/2019 11:09

Based on that TooTrueToBeGood I must be a man (I'm not, just checked) 5 minutes spent buying a card would be akin to an expedition

Sweeping generalisations on my part, I accept. What else can you do with a question that starts off on the flawed assumption that all men think the same way?

Queenofthedrivensnow · 04/01/2019 11:10

A girl child

Fairenuff · 04/01/2019 11:18

Depends on the man and his attitude to card buying.

RedForShort · 04/01/2019 11:47

Ha! Wasn't criticising your generalisation at all @TooTrueToBeGood. Not at all - you are probably right (woman are generally considered to be lovers of shopping - I have no idea what pleasure comes from it).

I'm clueless as to why the OP is asking the question. Am I supposed to be seeing something in the card other than it is a happy birthday card?

The card looks like it's been ripped. Is there some great offence in receiving it? Is it offensive? I'm really not seeing it.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 04/01/2019 11:57

Wife/girlfriend, teenage daughter maybe.

SillySallySingsSongs · 04/01/2019 11:59

So who is it for then OP? who seems to have posted and ran

Musti · 04/01/2019 11:59

A woman here and as I leave things to the last minute I often have to buy a card I'm not particularly fond of because it's all there is at the local Asda. If I received that from a male acquaintance I wouldn't think it's odd. It's more girly looking than romantic looking imo.

GraceMarks · 04/01/2019 12:01

OP, please come back and give us some context. Are you the man in question? Or have you found the card somewhere around the house and surmised that your husband has bought it for someone else? Why has it been torn?

You can't really generalise, anyway. Some men would pick up and buy the first card that seemed OK and not give much thought to any message that could be read into a load of hearts. Others would think it seemed a bit too familiar and would only buy it for a girlfriend or wife. Personally (I'm not a man, but since we're avoiding generalisation...), I might get that card for a female friend or relative if there wasn't much choice. If I received it from a male friend I probably wouldn't immediately assume he fancied me, unless he'd given me other reasons to think so!

BitOutOfPractice · 04/01/2019 12:03

I think you're thinking something into the hearts OP. Possibly because you have other worries

Has your OH sent it to someone inappropriate?

Oysterbabe · 04/01/2019 12:08

I would expect this card to be bought for a partner.

SlightlyMisplacedSingleDad · 04/01/2019 12:09

It's just a card. I'm actually a little concerned about this post - are you accusing a partner of something on the basis that he bought this card? Because, if you are and that's the only reason you have for it, then I'd be more concerned about your behaviour, actually. I'm really hoping that you're not just using Mumsnet to give you ammunition to support a controlling or aggressive stance that you've taken with a partner. More context needed....

Pieceofpurplesky · 04/01/2019 12:14

I reckon her DH/P has bought it for someone at work or someone at work has bought it for her

potatoscone · 04/01/2019 12:16

Well somebody saw it and got mad and tore it so I would guess there was already something written inside, otherwise why would you rip it in half?

deydododatdodontdeydo · 04/01/2019 12:18

Well spotted @potato.
Maybe a male friend bought it for OP and husband ripped it up in jealousy?

Oysterbabe · 04/01/2019 12:18

Did you get it from someone and your partner is angry?

Newdadofgirl · 04/01/2019 12:33

I'd grab it for anyone, not for anyone important to me, but for anyone else who has a birthday it would be good. It says Happy Birthday so job done! I really wouldn't care about the hearts or anything, its just a random birthday card? Would be good for man or woman, boy or girl?

Obviously if it was someone I gave a fuk about, I wouldn't just grab the first card I see, but would make a card with a photo of my daughter for them (whether they like it or not...lol)!

Think OP is probably over thinking the card! Its probably just a card.

MumsyJ · 04/01/2019 12:46

Blimey OP, come on shed some light on this subject!

Fromablokespoint · 04/01/2019 12:50

I wouldn't give it a second thought. It's generic enough in an arty hearty way that I would choose for a female friend or relative (obviously dependent on the inside message).

GraceMarks · 04/01/2019 13:43

Actually, I'm now concerned that Oysterbabe and deydodo have identified the real reason for the thread, and that the OP hasn't come back because their DH is having a go at her about receiving this card from a male friend.

@Productrecall please can you come back and give us some more detail?

BitOutOfPractice · 04/01/2019 17:16

No further details from the op?

Original poster
Productrecall · 04/01/2019 23:14

Sorry, didn't ve back because I had a busy day, was waiting to see if there were any more opinions from guys, and also h has seen this thread and is no doubt reading every update.
For context, I don't believe every man thinks the same, but I do believe, as a pop mentioned above, that men and women generally have differing methods of choosing cards. I have never seen h choose a card with hearts on apart from ones he has sent to me as a gf/wife. But I recently found out about his cheating with some 'friend' which apparently is in the past. Not that it doesn't mean there is or has been anyone else since who I don't know about. That's why I posted the q.

It is apparently for a female family member (who he has never sent a card with hearts to) and was bought at a PO with restricted stock. There was a newsagents two minutes down though, and it was bought after xmas, so stock is back to normal.

Yes, I found it and ripped it before thinking it through, to me it looked prettier and more romantic than the 'to my wife - you're the best' card I got for my birthday. Maybe irrational, but tbh I'm still hurting from finding out he shagged someone else for a couple of months, and I thought he would have been more thoughtful about avoiding any potential triggers.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 04/01/2019 23:18

Well if he's a liar then you'll never know will you. You can't trust him.