Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex keeps paying his half of the bills

47 replies

carrotflinger · 02/01/2019 21:13

My ex moved out at the beginning of November. He has always paid half of his bills by standing order. He said he would cancel the standing order and hasn't. This happened the last time he moved out (yes we split up once before). He just would not cancel it and the money kept coming in until he moved back.

I do not want to engage with him at all to ask him to stop the standing order. He won't anyway. Can I get the bank to block it or something like that? Two months of money has now come in since he left.

I refuse to contact him to discuss this as I think he is using it as a way of keeping contact or forcing me to contact him. See my posts on other threads if you want more info - don't want to go into detail here again.

Just wondered if this had happened to anyone else and what to do about it.

OP posts:
Smidge001 · 02/01/2019 21:17

Just let him keep paying half, and put aside the amounts he's paying so that when he eventually realises it's not going to get you to engage, and he asks for it back, you can hand it to him immediately and close the transaction once and for all.

Dextrodependant · 02/01/2019 21:19

I agree, just keep the money to one side and give it back when he asks for it.

Trills · 02/01/2019 21:23

Put it somewhere where it's earning interest.
Keep the interest.

Original poster
carrotflinger · 02/01/2019 21:24

I have started doing that already - ringfenced it in a savings account.
But what if he takes forever to stop it?
It's an absolute pain.

Why on earth can he not just stop it like a normal person???

OP posts:
auntsarent · 02/01/2019 21:28

His loss! He wo t be able to get the money back

dontwanttobeme · 02/01/2019 21:33

I'd communicate and tell him to cancel. Keep a note of the conversation/request. If he doesn't reply or refuses, email your bank and ask if they can block the SO coming into your account. Keep a note of that conversation too. If they can great. If they can't, and if he won't cancel, set up your own SO for the same amount and donate the money to a charity every month. Everyone's happy. Grin

Allalittlebitshit2019 · 02/01/2019 21:40

No most people have the opposite problem the man moves out and refuses to pay anything at all! All seriousness ask him once via email to stop the payments then if he doesn't just except the money. He wont be able to get the money back once hes sent it to you, and frankly more fool him!!

Original poster
carrotflinger · 02/01/2019 21:44

Yes, I appreciate most people have the opposite problem! At least he hasn't left me out of pocket.
I really don't want to have to contact him at all - he is trying to provoke contact. I suppose one business-like email could work and if he starts trying to engage in conversation about other things I could just ignore him. I have him blocked on phone etcetc but he keeps using other random numbers or his friends numbers to contact.

OP posts:
Musti · 02/01/2019 21:47

Tell him that unless he stops you'll set up a standing order to a charity and his money will go straight there. Win win.

Orange6904 · 02/01/2019 21:48

It's odd, you'd think that would be the first thing you'd sort.

Original poster
carrotflinger · 02/01/2019 21:50

@Sausage101
It would be the first thing I would sort if it was the other way round...
Who knows what goes through his head but I think it is his way of maintaining contact when I have cut all other contact.
He chose to move out so why on earth would he continue to keep paying half of the bills.

OP posts:
Unclebuck3 · 02/01/2019 21:54

Just set up a standing order for the same amount to go back to his account the next day.

Honeyroar · 02/01/2019 21:55

Is the standing order to you or the service provider?

If you, could you block via the bank? If the provider could you tell them he's moved out and start an account in your name only for the property?

Original poster
carrotflinger · 02/01/2019 21:57

No the standing order is to me.
I deal with all the service providers properly.

I'll talk to the bank and see if there is anyway they can stop it but I don't want to set up a standing order to pay it back because if he then does stop his I'll be left out of pocket and it isn't peanuts this money.

OP posts:
heymammy · 02/01/2019 21:57

If he's trying to lure you in to contacting him then don't give him the satisfaction. Stick to what a pp suggested and keep the money to one side so that when he has he tantrum about it all you can smugly hand it back.

Mrspotter12 · 02/01/2019 21:58

Close your account and open a new one.

StarJazmin · 02/01/2019 22:01

Just set up a standing order for the same amount to go back to his account the next day.

Ha! Yes, two can play that game. I wouldn’t set up a SO but can’t you just send it back via bank transfer? And write “NO THANKS” in the reference box?

Original poster
carrotflinger · 02/01/2019 22:01

@heymammy - I think that probably is the best idea. I won't worry about it - I'll just make sure the money is there in case he does start making a fuss about it.
And you're right - I don't want to give him the satisfaction of contacting him about it.
I want nothing to do with this idiot ever again.

OP posts:
FamilyOfAliens · 02/01/2019 22:01

Close your account and open a new one.

Great idea - if you have a friend with a Nationwide account get them to recommend you and you both get £100 Smile

Original poster
carrotflinger · 02/01/2019 22:02

@StarJazmin - that's hilarious. I could do that! He'd eventually get the message.

OP posts:
OurChristmasMiracle · 02/01/2019 22:03

If you have his bank details send the money back to him. Simple as. Every single time. If not speak to your bank and ask them to refuse the payment if possible.

Justthecover · 02/01/2019 22:08

Keep the money and ignore any contact. He’s voluntarily giving it to you, his problem.

Seasidegirly · 02/01/2019 22:08

I've tried to cancel a payment that was being paid into my account by another person - the bank said the only way to stop this from my side was to close the account which would've been too much hassle.

Mummylife2018 · 02/01/2019 22:14

Keep the money!!!! He is giving it to you! Block him completely so he can't demand it back. Put it towards something nice for yourself as compensation for all that he's put you through! X

HettySunshine · 02/01/2019 22:19

Doesn't he owe you £500 from the holiday you paid for? If that's still the case keep the £500 he pays to you and stick the rest in a separate account, when he inevitably asks for it you can then give it right back to him.

Swipe left for the next trending thread