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Original poster

Young adult kids being forced to accept OW's baby!

43 replies

Lemonfizzle · 02/01/2019 16:26

My marriage broke up after my husband had an affair with an Asian lady who he paid for at a bar abroad. He felt that he had fallen in love (she's 18 years younger and had dreams of living in "a place called London" !). Surprise, surprise, she became pregnant a couple of months into their relationship .

Long story short, exH is a mess. Looks miserable, and on several occasions has told our children that he was tricked into the pregnancy (that old chestnut!), cannot bond with the baby (now 18 months old), OW is a nutter and often locks him out of their flat, accuses him of having affairs and throws stuff at him when angry. She's also written to his secretary to accuse her of "fucking my boyfriend" (secretary is about 70 years old!).

The OW has in the past written to me and my children to tell my daughter she is "fucking lazy and should get a job and not rely on her father to give her money" and to my autistic son "you are ugly and have a face like your mother's. You are retarded and have no future".

Non of us have had the "pleasure" of meeting the OW (thank god!) however, exMIL keeps banging on about my kids meeting the baby and accepting him. They both know that it would not only hurt me deeply but they are still no over the trauma of their dad suddenly up and leaving after 24 years.

Ironically, ExMIL would never let my exH have a relationship with HIS half brothers. I really to tell them all to just fuck off. This is mess is not ours!

Thoughts?

OP posts:
maximumcarnage · 02/01/2019 16:29

How old are your children?

UnderMajorDomoMinor · 02/01/2019 16:31

Text to exH

‘Your mother keeps contacting me about the kids meeting X. This is for you to negotiate in a sensitive and appropriate way with the kids.’

Text to mil

‘Please speak to exH about this.’

Speak to kids: you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. (May want to add: by don’t tar baby with OW brush)

Sounds like ow won’t allow it anyway.

Everyone block ow on all devices.

Orlande · 02/01/2019 16:31

Clearly both your ex and the ow are nightmares, but it's also wrong of you to guilt trip your kids into having nothing to do with their sibling.

SandyY2K · 02/01/2019 16:31

Tell MIL to leave your children alone. Inform her what OW does to your DC.

Tell your DC to ignore or block her for a while.

HollowTalk · 02/01/2019 16:31

So she's living over here with him and writing you letters like that? I would try to get a restraining order against her.

Doobee · 02/01/2019 16:32

Blimey. Yes, fuck of to all of them!! Maybe if your MIL had brought him up better none of you would be in this mess now. You should write back in reply to her nasty notes “I’d save your energy writing all of these notes for when you’re going to need to pack your bags after he brings home the next Asian whore. You’re just one of many right?”

IndigoSpritz · 02/01/2019 16:33

The other woman sounds like a complete fruitcake with added nuts on the side. I would keep your children from her, as well as yourself, needless to say. But I would monitor the personal insults as well, in case they start verging on slander or even become threatening.

Handsfull13 · 02/01/2019 16:34

It's a horrible position to be in.
I'd focus on supporting your children through this and getting yourself in a better place.

As much as you would be hurt with your children meeting their half sibling that shouldn't be a reason why they won't. It's not fair to put your baggage on them.
The reason they won't meet the baby is them not being over the separation and sudden change. But the biggest reason should be how horrible the OW has been to them.

In a polite way tell your exMil to shove it and not get involved in things she has no place in.

As for the OW ignore ignore ignore

SandyY2K · 02/01/2019 16:34

I would also tell OW not to contact you and you will report any further contact to the police as harassment.

Your DC should do the same.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 02/01/2019 16:35

Your children are young adults. Surely it is their decision whether or not they want to see the baby. Your exMIL doesn't get to have a say in what they do any more than you do. I would simply explain to her that because they are adults then contact and discussions about their father etc are up to them and that there is literally no reason for her to be contacting you.

EdtheBear · 02/01/2019 16:36

Your children are adults, its entirely up to them if they wish to meet their half-sibling.

You cannot and should not try to force them.
It's entirely up to them if they want to continue their relationship with their father and any other relations.

Next time Granny says anything I think I'd warn her off, 'be careful you don't push them away from you by trying to force them'

GummyGoddess · 02/01/2019 16:37

If your children are young adults, then you don't need to be in contact with ex MIL. They can make their own decisions.

I hope your children didn't have to see those nasty notes, your ex should be extra ashamed that he's with someone who is so nasty about his children.

SandyY2K · 02/01/2019 16:39

Gotta add...

exH is a mess. Looks miserable

Serves him right.

and on several occasions has told our children that he was tricked into the pregnancy (that old chestnut!),
No condom...young woman. More fool him eh.

cannot bond with the baby (now 18 months old), OW is a nutter and often locks him out of their flat, accuses him of having affairs

She knows he's a cheater.

Karma eh

safetyfreak · 02/01/2019 16:39

The OW sounds like a nutcase. Karma a bitch eh :)

cheesywotnots · 02/01/2019 16:41

How old are your children, maybe when they are older they may want to meet his child but I wouldn't force it. He is your ex, mil is an ex, OW sounds a nightmare. I would tell ex to tell his new wife to never contact you or your dc again, block her number and any social media sites of hers and say if she does continue you will speak to the police. How does she know where you live? He left you, don't feel sorry for him, it's his mess to sort out. Tell your ex mil that you do not wish to discuss this again.

MsChookandtheelvesofFahFah · 02/01/2019 16:45

Ha! 10 minutes of pleasure in exchange for years of misery. All avoided by using a condom.

deepwatersolo · 02/01/2019 16:47

Yeah, threatening OW with police if the abuse continues is a good move imo.
Your children should not feel like they can‘t meet their sibling because of your feelings. However, I very much doubt they have any interest, at least as long as the child is so small that they‘d have to put up with OW‘s presence. If OW perpetually exerts her toxic influence on her kid when older, there is actually the question, whether there can ever be any meaningful relationship between the half-siblings.

Original poster
Lemonfizzle · 02/01/2019 16:48

The OW and Exh live abroad. Police have been involved in the past but nothing they can do as she's abroad.

Exh won't talk to the kids about anything. They don't even know if he's married the OW. He was over for Xmas and said to my daughter "oh sorry! Did I not tell you I am moving to Australia?". He's a dick. Hence why they don't trust anything that comes out of his mouth, but love him dearly.

It's only exMIL interfering. She has nothing to do with me, nor does the exH so it's just my kids relaying the shit back to me.

I wrote an email to exH yesterday to explain (kindly) but he's blocked me and ignored email.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemonfizzle · 02/01/2019 16:53

Kids are 100% sure they want nothing to do with the child and my daughter bursts into tears whenever he is mentioned. I know the baby is totally innocent and I appreciate that , but as my children see it, they only see their dad a few days a year now and he's spending it with a child and women he professes to hate and not to have bonded with.

I think the OUTlaws are pushing him to do the decent thing... which is why he's put on weight and looks bloated and miserable.

OP posts:
DishingOutDone · 02/01/2019 16:57

Thoughts?

Tell the ex MiL and anyone else who sticks their oar in to fuck off. Do your children still live with you? Can they tell her to fuck off as well, or are they too polite?

But yeah, mainly my thought is tell them to fuck off

thebaronetofcockburn · 02/01/2019 17:00

The child might not even be his. Your kids can cut the lot of them out of their lives and probably should, including his mother. They have no obligation or duty to meet the baby.

staydazzling · 02/01/2019 17:00

this sounds a mess so sorry OP , does your MIL know how bad she is?

AmyDowdensLeftLeftShoe · 02/01/2019 17:02

@UnderMajorDomoMinor has given you decent advice.

It is up to your children's father to facilitate contact between the half-siblings there is nothing you and your exMIL can do.

If the ow refuses as their child is a toddler then it is simply a case of your children getting on with their lives but being aware in 17 years plus time someone calling themselves their half-brother may get in touch with them.

UnderMajorDomoMinor · 02/01/2019 17:02

is exMil nice about other things? Does she still see your kids? If not, just block her.

Squarepeg29 · 02/01/2019 17:02

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