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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Depressive abusive partner ?

50 replies

Maddi04 · 30/12/2018 18:44

I posted several weeks back about partner who attempted sucide for second time and he’s now getting more help but lot things are delayed due to it being the Xmas and new year period , few days ago we were just talking and having a disagreement nothing major or even anything to be upset over and he got up above me I was laying in bed at this point and as he got above me I naturally cowered down he chocked/strangled me several times and says if he doesn’t hurt me it will keep being his self he will hurt and also day before Xmas eve he threatened if to kill me and then himself and it wouldn’t be a quick death , cannot believe I’m typing this I’m sickened by the full thing he’s meant to be love of my life and is turning into a monster literally also his birthday today so I surprised him for few things made personal things and other bits and bob meant be having family meal but he’s left me in house and is out with family at moment meal that I planned just need some advice as I have lost a lot of confidence and just feel quite alone and helpless because I try and speak about it and he says the rages he has if a see him work up I should back of to prevent it but that doesn’t make it acceptable thanks again hope every one is having a good Xmas xx

OP posts:
Blanca87 · 30/12/2018 18:49

Get out. You can't be responsible for his mental health, if he kills himself that's his doing. You are in danger.

Daisymay2 · 30/12/2018 18:54

My initial reaction is Police. He has threatened to kill you. It also sounds as if he needs his MH team to be involved.
For your safety you need to leave.

Original poster
Maddi04 · 30/12/2018 19:00

Yeah I’m going to go to my parents over the new year as I can see patterns of what he’s doing and it’s not normal and I can’t walk around with my mouth shut out of fear can’t live like that atall he got acsessed after his attempt before Xmas and they said he didn’t need to be in a ward being looked after and he’s safer at home and they will just visit him and he will attend all his other appointments but obviously they don’t know about the recent happenings , I’m going to phone woman’s aid at moment and I’m waiting on a friend coming over thank you for comments x🤗

OP posts:
Notwhoyouthink35 · 30/12/2018 19:18

Leave ASAP. His mental health is not your responsibility. I have been in a similar situation and I left and have went NC. I feel like a weight has been lifted of my shoulders.

TougheningUp · 30/12/2018 19:21

Get out now. Right now. This minute. Take your wallet, your keys, and just go. Don't wait another minute before you go. He's dangerous. He's threatened to kill you, he's choked you and could so easily have killed you then. Get yourself out, somewhere safe, where you have people who will support you. And then tell the police what you've told us here. And don't go back to him. Don't have anything to do with him again.

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 30/12/2018 19:24

Yes leave ASAP. You cannot be alone with this man.

His mental health is not your responsibility

This ^

Keep yourself safe above all, OP.

Original poster
Maddi04 · 30/12/2018 19:39

Thank you for all your comments making arrangements to leave as we speak he hasn’t got his keys and doors locked at moment I feel terrible I don’t know why can still feel sorry or bad for someone whose been so vile to me turned into a monster right before my eyes thank you will also be speaking to woman’s Aid and police xx

OP posts:
QueenOfTheCroneAge · 30/12/2018 19:43

He may have been drinking at the family meal. Please go now. Let us know when you are safe Flowers

cestlavielife · 30/12/2018 19:46

You need to go.
Go to your patents and stay there.
You need to tell his mh team you cannot have him near you.

Dragongirl10 · 30/12/2018 19:52

Please go fast op, take passport, bank/legal docs/birth certificate/loan agreements/insurance details.

Also jewellery/personal things of sentimental value. 3 changes of practical clothes/toiletries.

Go and call Police, tell them everything, then Womans aid...good luck...please don't be talked into seeing him, you are lucky to be alive, you may not be if you see him again.

Original poster
Maddi04 · 30/12/2018 22:24

Thank you for all the reply’s he came home and said he was leaving and phoned the police and got them to wait until he left and before he called them started to say prove what he has done and said to me cause I can’t and said I was physiologically abusing him which I haven’t then started to say I was imagine a lot of things so he’s left and all his things are gone was as if him and us never exsisted so humiliated in front of police as I was sitting breaking my heart and I feel absolutely horrendous and hurt sorry for babbling on thanks again for replys much appreciated

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 30/12/2018 22:59

Well good.
You know he has significant MH issues so rely on your truth not his.

TougheningUp · 30/12/2018 23:04

It might be wise for you to stay somewhere else for a few nights, just to be on the safe side.

You're so much better off without him. Don't let him talk you into having him back. He's abusive and he's dangerous and next time he puts his hands round your throat he could kill you.

I hope you're ok.

Daisymay2 · 31/12/2018 06:02

Please don't let him come back. He is potentially dangerous. If you can go away for a few days that might be best. It may be that if he behaved elsewhere as he has behaved with you, they will throw him out. If you are not there he can't come back to you.
My guess is the police sussed him.

peekyboo · 31/12/2018 13:49

I think it would be good to stay somewhere else for New Year. Everyone celebrating etc could trigger him to do something else, as 'revenge' for you getting him out.

Think about your safety, even if your think it's a bit over the top to go away for a while.

Dragongirl10 · 31/12/2018 20:29

oh op so sorry you are feeling so bad...but you have absolutely done the right thing...this time next year you will be happy and free and safe...

Please go and be with a friend who will support you tonight....it will get better now, please look after yourself.

Original poster
Maddi04 · 31/12/2018 21:08

Doesn’t feel that way now had several phone calls today off police and he’s painting me out to be bad one all iv ever done is be hurt and support him while I was hurting now I’m left with no car as he’s took car left me without money and took my dignity and self respect with him I honestly feel terrible and very low I might go to out of hours and try get something to sleep because I’m just constantly sitting crying I feel like theirs no way forward I don’t have lot of family or support x

OP posts:
GroovieGazelloo · 31/12/2018 21:19

Maddie, you've been really brave and you still are being.
He sounds to be doing what he's done for a long time- manipulating. He seems to have practised it for ages so he's not going to give it up now.

I'd encourage you to to do what's best for you right now. And really, really take good care of yourself. BearBear

LovingLola · 31/12/2018 21:24

Did you not go to your parents? Will they help you ?

GroovieGazelloo · 31/12/2018 21:28

It's completely understandable that you're feeling terrible and very low under these circumstances and with it being New Year's Eve.
From my point of view, I see you as a wonderfully dignified and caring person. I admire you for standing up to this person who has disrespected you for so long. In my eyes, you have a lot to be proud of. Star

Dragongirl10 · 31/12/2018 21:36

Maddi...please listen ..
.if you had a sister or daughter what would you think if some man did what he has done to you? What would you advise her to do? would you be angry for her ?..really angry?...YES of course you would.

Find your anger, how dare he hurt you..Abuse you
Who the hell does he think he is ....how dare he try to strangle you, leave you penniless, how dare he upset you...

FIND YOUR ANGER at this sad pathetic excuse for a man, he is a bully, who is only able to hurt you because you are smaller than him.

BUT you are stronger and you will leave him and his bullying behavior behind.

If you do one thing, stop crying and get really mad...you deserve better....we are behind you. and bloody furious on you behalf.

Dragongirl10 · 31/12/2018 21:39

Also he has NOT taken your dignity and self respect, no person can take that away....his actions are that of a coward, his behaviour is appaling.

What would all his friends and family think of HIM if they knew he tried to strangle you, his boss, his colleagues?

Dragongirl10 · 31/12/2018 21:39

'appalling' !

Original poster
Maddi04 · 31/12/2018 21:46

He’s in the army they gave me numbers to phone in any kind of emergency as they said after his last sucide attempt any wrong behaviour hel be took away assuming to a unit or something so I’m about to call the welfare officer just now because it’s totally unfair how I’m left and he’s left skipping playing the victim thank you all for ur lovley comments means a lot especially on night like this never thought I’d be alone not like this anyway 🤗

OP posts:
Original poster
Maddi04 · 31/12/2018 21:59

my parents are away for new year and I don’t have the best relationship with them they aren’t the most understanding unfortunately x

OP posts: