Depressive abusive partner ?

[Maddi04]

I posted several weeks back about partner who attempted sucide for second time and he’s now getting more help but lot things are delayed due to it being the Xmas and new year period , few days ago we were just talking and having a disagreement nothing major or even anything to be upset over and he got up above me I was laying in bed at this point and as he got above me I naturally cowered down he chocked/strangled me several times and says if he doesn’t hurt me it will keep being his self he will hurt and also day before Xmas eve he threatened if to kill me and then himself and it wouldn’t be a quick death , cannot believe I’m typing this I’m sickened by the full thing he’s meant to be love of my life and is turning into a monster literally also his birthday today so I surprised him for few things made personal things and other bits and bob meant be having family meal but he’s left me in house and is out with family at moment meal that I planned just need some advice as I have lost a lot of confidence and just feel quite alone and helpless because I try and speak about it and he says the rages he has if a see him work up I should back of to prevent it but that doesn’t make it acceptable thanks again hope every one is having a good Xmas xx

If the army are the only ones that will help you and him right now, it sounds like that's the way to go.
I am thinking about you tonight. You are doing so well .

Maddie I'm so sorry youre having to go through this but you must protect yourself
you must
He is very dangerous and very manipulative
you must protect yourself from him

I hope the army are helping you, Maddi. He has treated you very badly and you deserve to be safe, and to be looked after.

Hi just spoke to welfare officer doesn’t sound to give two shits and said it’s police matter but they told me after his last attempt anything they’d be their but their obviously taking his side I feel completely let down and alone I was their for him all they times in hospital and when I need someone no one is here I feel like my worlds ended he was the only person that ever truely loved me and then turned into a monster iv felt used and left all my life now it’s happen again I’m going to call breathing space or something to calm down very upset x

Oh dear Maddi. That sounds really hard. I can imagine what a very painful time it must be for you at the moment.

I hope that the number you next call gives you warmer understanding than the last one.

I know it's not at all as good as having a partner who cares for you but at the moment I am thinking lots and lots about you. And I'm glad that you're still writing here.

Hang in there OP, you will get the right support soon - keep pushing for it and know that we are all here for you. You are not to blame for his behaviour, his abuse. It must feel so bad right now but you will get through this. Keep yourself safe and hold on

Maddi
Have PM'd you.

Just remember tomorrow's another day...you have your whole future ahead, it won't always feel this hard.

You will love someone again in the future, but for now just take one hour at a time, deep breaths and hang on in there.

Can you call womans aid?

It's The New Year Maddi. May it be a happy and peaceful one for you.

Thank you so much for your messages and happy new year to all of you , I’m cuddling my little pug at the moment he’s a wee soul seeing me crying for last 24 hours i will see if theirs out of hours number thank you 💜

So relieved to hear from you Maddi......you can make 2019 the year you make a fresh start away from the abusive monster.......don't waste your tears on him he is not worth it....you deserve better, much, much better.
Hug your dog, talk to him and start planning your escape..

Thank you for your New Year wishes Maddi.
How lovely to have your little pug by your side right now. I have two dogs who are such good friends to me.Like yours, my dogs are more than supportive at times when humans are otherwise occupied !!

Yeah he’s a wee soul just can’t see anyway through this right now he was my main support he picked me up at bad time in life and has now left me more miserable than what I was before is it normal to feel this low every where I look theirs pictures memories I’m struggling at betrayal how I was their for him but he punished me by doing this and the abuse and makes me believe it’s cause I pushed him to far thank you 🤗💜

Hello Maddi,

I hope that you and your little dog got some rest last night and that the first day of this new year is starting peacefully for you both.

I can hear that for a time the man you've been seeing as your partner, did support you . But, it doesn’t sound like he’s stable enough to support you for the time you need.

From the things you’ve described, it sounds like he is very instable, in fact. So, being in a relationship with him will constantly lead back to this type of instability and insecurity.

It sounds like he deals with his difficulties by blaming them on you. Rather than looking at himself, to see how he can improve, he punishes you and hurts you more.

I hope that this new year will bring you warmer experiences in love and I also wish you a Happy New Year for 2019.

Hi Maddi how are you this morning?

I honestly just feel worse even though he was abusive I can’t believe he’s gone because before all the bad we had such good relationship so many memories I genuine thought he was my one I don’t know how I’m honestly gonna go on iv not moved from bed really the past two days thanks for kind messages again xx

Hello again Maddi,

It is such a hard time for you right now.
It sounds like you’re grieving over your relationship because it started to blossom into the one you dreamed of but couldn’t grow beyond that.

It is very sad and, whilst you’re feeling so hurt, I do hope you can keep taking good care of yourself.

Sending big, big hugs 🤗 🤗 🤗

I just want closure but seems il never get that I can’t even put one foot infront of the other right now it hurts to even breath never felt pain or hurt like it amongst being so alone feel like I’m annoying everyone and friends don’t really understand

Oh Maddi,

I am so sorry, but the pain will pass... give yourself time to heal, you will look back on this from a much better place in the future.

Where is he now?

it is early days you are in a way grieving for the loss of a relationship and in fact for a man who seemed to be one thing but turned out to be something else be gentle with yourself try not to dwell on things hug your dear little dog and dont forget on here we are all sorts of people with lots of experiences so do talk to us anytime

Maddi,
It's sounding such a painful time for you. I can hear you want to find closure quickly and I imagine that is partly because you want to stop feeling this strong hurt.
I think It's early days in getting over this. I'm wondering if the pain is so strong that you are having suicidal thoughts. If that's how you are feeling, please do phone the Samaritains. People are available to help there day and night.
I am going to pm you.
Sending many more hugs to you.

I have never pmd someone before on Mumsnet so it's taking me a while to find out how to do it.

I've managed to send my pm.

To add smoke to the fire I have just had a positive pregnancy test I don’t know how this possibly could get any worse :( x

Oh dear ! This is sounding very difficult. On top of all these strong emotions, it's seems like you've got some big decisions to make . So that you can come through this ok, I really would suggest that you get some professional help Maddi - like a counsellor ...
What do you think ?