DP’s friend has made me so angry and I need to get it out

[Boilingboilingrage]

As the title says, I really need to get this out as it’s really upsetting me and I can’t seem to calm down. I’ve only been with DP around 18 months and met his friend around 5 times. He’s very hospitable and lives with his girlfriend and 3 sons.

The first time we met he tried some bullshit on me, I think to test my boundaries. DP introduced us and the first thing he said (very loudly in front of a party full of people) was “Just watch out, next thing you know she’ll be missing her pill” I just gave him a death stare and very clearly asked what he meant by that and what was he saying? He tried to brush it off as a joke but given the way I’ve since heard him speak to his girlfriend and about other women, it’s clear he’s got some fairly serious hang ups around women and “trapping”, not contributing, and generally being argumentative and needing to be put in their place.

Last night his girlfriend was telling me about her friend who works for women’s aid. This turned into a huge rant from him about how emotional abuse is all bullshit made up by women who lose an argument and can’t admit they’re wrong.

We had a fairly calm discussion in which I wanted to poke out my own eyes and he used both Donald Trump and Tommy Robinson as cracking examples of why women/the world are just too soft nowadays and all my arguments to the contrary were dismissed.

I can’t seem to calm down. I have finally managed to pin point why it upset me so much. It was the classic abusers spiel. He can’t admit that sexual assault/emotional abuse/domestic violence is an actual problem as then he’d have to accept his own behaviour and recognise that he is an abuser.

The friend tried to pull DP in to agree with him but he wouldn’t be drawn.

DP had all sorts of soothing things to say later and basically said the friend is a product of his upbringing, is entitled to his opinion although he doesn’t agree with it. And that although we’ll never agree he understands I’ll continue to pull up the ignorant fucker whenever I can.

But I’m boiling with rage. I can’t even be normal this morning because I’m so fucked off. We’re supposed to go away today (just me and DP) but I don’t want to go as I hate that he can sit through that level of sexist bigotry and not be raging at the injustice too.

Don't be alone with him is what I sense from this. He sounds like he doesn't respect you or women in general

A lot of totally nice normal people turn into braggards, dicks or whatever when hanging out with their friends, both male and female. It's called context

it's call 'being an arsehole'

OK, so I agree with so many people on here, if he keeps his company, he can't disagree with him all that much, and they must share common values.

The thing is, men like this are disgusting, and the fact your DP doesn't find his views and opinions utterly disgusting already tells you a lot about him. Also that he didn't jump in and defend you or even say his 'joke' about the pill wasn't on says even more.

But here's what I really think. You say you don't talk politics to avoid arguments, and he's further right than you.
OK, so he might have a difference of opinion on welfare reforms or immigration.

If he's on the right side of things, where does he stand on things like abortions, I mean really stand. Does he say they're OK, but then have a problem if women have more then two? What's his true opinions on things such as #metoo or even Trump?

I tend to find that men can cover up a lot, but those who are on the right and want to have a say in a woman's body and what she does with it, they usually can't keep all of this to themselves for long. And you can tell a lot about a man on his views on abortion and women's true equal rights (not just basic rights).

The fact he said all of that about abuse victims says a lot! And your partner not saying anything, I'm sorry, it's not a wrestling a pig situation, because if it was he wouldn't be seeing him again as a friend.

A lot of totally nice normal people turn into braggards, dicks or whatever when hanging out with their friends, both male and female. It's called context.

Very few, if any, people who are not bigots or misogynists come out with bigoted misogynist comments, though. If a friend of mine behaved like that in public once, let alone on a regular basis, I don't really see any basis on which I'd want to see him again.

DP had all sorts of soothing things to say later and basically said the friend is a product of his upbringing, is entitled to his opinion although he doesn’t agree with it.

Your DP makes a good point.

And that although we’ll never agree he understands I’ll continue to pull up the ignorant fucker whenever I can.

Your DP realises his friend is an ignorant fucker. Your DP hasn't done anything wrong here.

I suggest you don't interact with the ignorant friend...and leave your DP to see him on his own.

A couple do not have to agree on everything or share the same political beliefs.

Relationships are more than politics.

Be annoyed with the friend...but don't drag your DP into it.

I don‘t see the problem. Next time said ‚friend‘ gets all worked up about entrapment, just point out that you have no patience for these whining whimp types who don‘t have the spine to suck it up and take responsibility for their deficiencies when it comes to birth control.
Nobody forced anyone to forgo the condom, I bet.

That is not even vaguely the case. A lot of totally nice normal people turn into braggards, dicks or whatever when hanging out with their friends, both male and female

yeah I’m not into being with anyone who turns into a twat when they’re with others.

Lest you think it's just men who can get rowdy and big mouthed when they're together even though they can be fine in normal everyday life.. enjoy these ladies www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3464192-fucking-bitches