Do I tell his wife

[Loveneedslove]

I'm in a dilemma

I've posted previously about a controlling man I was with. Who told me time and time again he was separated from his wife. She still lives with him but mainly at her parents.

He couldn't meet me normally, always busy. Everything felt like secret. Found his wife's profiles on all social media and she has all profile pictures of them both.

We've since split up and I'm in two minds to tell her the truth. But I do feel I'm doing it more out of anger than anything.

Plus what if he's telling the truth and they are separated. I look an idiot telling her.

Thoughts

Leave it, you're not in a relationship with him anymore, what will you gain by telling her. Stop looking her up on social media.

Yup, just close the door and leave them both to their lives. Not your problem any more.

So you're not 100% sure? Personally I'd do nothing then. After reading about 'Ego States', it sounds like your ego has been dented and you want to dent his.
You kind of want to win?

Look, you're not together anymore so
I would work on you, strengthen you, build yourself back up and forget about anything negative. Google/YouTube 'Law of Attraction', Eckhart Tolle, Ego States, whatever, but just keep on moving forward in a positive direction. Good luck 😊

So you’re not 100% sure and are no longer with him.....?

This really hasn’t got anything to do with you. Look to make your life great & stop stalking the woman on social media. You’ll feel better

When I say I looked her up on social media, I did when we were together as I had a gut feeling he was lying.

I couldn't understand why she would have all her profile pictures as them both.

It is over, as he didn't trust me and made me delete all my social media. Which I stupidly did to prove to him.

But you are all right, she doesn't need to know

She will I am sure find out at some point

If you're doing from the point of this poor woman has the right to know she is being lied and cheated on then yes tell her. It's not fair on her to be played at all. If it's for revenge/payback I wouldn't bother as you'll get hurt.

It's crap what he has done and I always say liars should be outed but he didn't respect you and if he's with her he doesn't respect her either. Don't injure her unless you are sure as she is innocent like you were in this x

That's a very good point.

I do feel he's lied my gut is screaming that he's a lied about being separated from her.

But it's probably not my place to say and I'm better off just walking away and letting them get on with it.

I've learnt he's very very controlling and twists everything to it being everyone else's fault.

Does sound like he's lied about being with her especially the stuff about making you delete social media. He sounds bloody horrible, feel sorry for his wife.

I would want to know if I was her.

He was so convincing about being separated from her. But his actions were different. Could only see me at certain times always had to rush home. Wouldn't go out publicly.
Accused me of seeing other men which I wasn't. If I was out he'd want me to text him all the time. He'd call me an attention seeking whore.

But I don't know if he's telling the truth or I'm just being blinded by his lies. If they were separated she wouldn't have all her profile pictures of those two. Would she?

Well all the secrecy sounds dodgy. Did you meet any of his friends or family?

I'd stay away from him op he sounds awful.

He accused you because he's probably a cheat.

It does seem like they weren't separated, he sounds like a liar.he sounds awful. Don't give him any headspace, you are worth more than this.

Never met his friends or family. He wouldn't allow me on his Facebook.

My head is all over. I just don't know what to believe. I'm still hurt it ended, which was on my terms

No your well rid of him, move on don't give him another thought. new year new start

Thank you everyone 😘 I just feel so hurt this all happened recently and it's really hurt

I'm just trying to work my way through his lies

My head is all over. I just don't know what to believe

Yes you do.

Come on. You know this man wasn't separated from his wife - they were still living together and I bet she would have been very surprised to hear that you existed. Its clear to all of us (including you) that he was a liar and a controlling shit.

You know that this is the case, but he has done his best to gaslight and break you down, so you doubt your own perception.

Block him on all platforms. Put him out of your head. Read up on the mechanics of abusive relationships, and arm yourself with knowledge and self respect, so that the next time a man crosses your path and says "I'm separated from my wife but she lives with me and mustn't know about you" you will simply laugh in his face.

Please tell her what a vile shit of a husband she has but be kind and tell all the truth. Then shut the door on it and move on.. it was pretty obvious he was still with her and fed you a whole heap of lies. I still thank the OW for contacting me - it hurt and the amount of lies was astounding but I'd rather know everything! I'd been drip fed so many lie up until that point she deserves the truth.

I think I always knew he was lying you are right. But I just was scared to believe it and lose him. Plus everything I questioned he just spun back on to me so then I always felt guilty for asking.

Would it be best to tell her? This is my doubt. I would want to know if it was me. But he's that controlling he'll make me out to be the liar somehow. I just don't want the trouble.

He'd call you what ???

Attention seeking whore for having social media

If you tell her he could get nasty, he will deny it, and she may know anyway. He is not worth it, just try and forget he existed, he will do this again with someone else, you are miles better off without him and his lies. Can you think of one nice thing about him?

When he was loving, he was very loving. But that only happened when he knew I was going somewhere.

I think he is the type to get nasty. I don't think I'll tell her, he'll control her anyway

You should have left him well alone. Sounds like you should tell her I would want to know if my dh was leading a double life.