Leaving a bully man.

[Newyearbollocks]

Help see me through.

In the next couple of weeks I will be leaving my bully bastard, D"P"
I have four children and 3 are my ex P's
My ex doesn't see them. He was also abusive, raped me, hurt me financially, physically & emotionally for 10 years. I finally got out and after a while he stopped seeing his kids. I suffer anxiety, depression and ptsd because of a number of things in my life. Made some idiotic decisions and atm feel like a mess.
However, I know I am worth more. I have a fab job and study full time. I'm on route to a promising career.
Unfortunately when I met my now partner I was in a vulnerable position. He sang from the right hymm sheet, leading me to believe he was a good man. Slowly his true colours came out. Contraception failed and I was blessed with a wonderful daughter. The bullying got worse. Not just to me but to all of us. My kids trusted him and believed he was the father they were missing. We all did. But everyday is like a war zone and he constantly shouts and swears. Disaplining or putting them down for every single mistake. There is no happy moments. They are starting to act out the way he does. He just doesn't understand his behaviour reflects on them. They won't behave if they see how he is reacting. When we are alone. They are wonderful, polite, kind children. People are always commenting on how they are a credit to me. He is ruining them.
So now I know I have to leave. For their sake and my mental health.
I'm also scared. Scared of being a single parent to 4. Is anyone else in this situation. How do you manage? Studying and working? I'm also in the throes of learning to drive.
The house is council and in my name. He refuses to leave saying he has nowhere else to go and I need to give him time to find somewhere. But he never does and we end up back here.
He is in a lot of debt and a gambling addict.
His family won't have him. They know what he is like.
The thing is nobody expects my mum knows what I'm going through. I've been good at hiding it. Its something I'm used to.
Where do I stand. Anyone with information on this please give me you advice and hand holds. I really need them.

I'm a good looking, young and intelligent woman. I know that! But I'm so fucking blurred atm I'm struggling to see it.
He's told me things like nobody will ever want me with four children. I'm a bad mother, I can't cope. All I know deep down to untrue. But I find it difficult to see. I have to start all over again.... Again! I could scream!

Luckily his mate is coming for him and he has found somewhere to stay which is a relief for me.

For you, yes, it is the right thing to do. You and the kids have put up with enough. It speaks volumes that not 1 single person will offer him somewhere to stay not even temporarily.

Sorry just seen your update.

Thanks for correcting me on that @bastardkitty, I always thought that to be true.

It's a common belief about suicide @Toptheginup . But 100% of abusive arseholes appear to threaten suicide when their game is up

I would genuinely block him for the week and tell him to email when hes got sorted for contact, make yourself as inaccessable as physically possible.

I agree with queenofthestress, I would also make it clear that contact will take place outside your home, because if he gets a toes inside he will make a song and dance about letting him stay until sometime never finds somewhere to live.

That's the plan. Haven't been in contact since and don't plan on untill he has something secure and can make contact arrangements. He'll probably lose his job phoning sick all the time. My mum's been really supportive and I've spoken to a few RL friends although they are working so won't see them.
Kids are home and gammon is cooking and they have settled a bit. We are going on a family day out tomorrow so that should help this empty feeling. Because in spite of every thing I do feel empty.

I've known a few people cry suicide and follow through, it is a common misconception. However I understand your reasoning for saying it. Men under pressure tend to use that card. It would destroy me if he did do it because there are children involved and I would blame myself although I shouldn't. It's an awful card to play knowing you have already made somebody feel shit about themselves.
I just feel like doing nothing. But I know that won't help.

You are very brave, well done for standing up for yourself and doing the right thing.

The hardest part is behind you, I know it's tough now but it can only get better.
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