Realistic dating profiles.

[lucera]

At some point in the future I guess I need to get back on the horse. But I am done with the bullshit. Just so over it. And frankly if that means perma-singledom, so be it.

So any profile I created would look something like this:

• mid 40s woman. Intelligent, well read and I like to be able to talk about lots of different topics.
• I have a serious job and expect you to be similar life stage, along with normal adult responsibilities. No manbabies.
• Don't even bother if you have children or want children (no I won't find your amazing brood to be the exception).
• My job is full time and full-on and so most evenings I am just going to have dinner and not much else.
• Weekends is mainly doing the stuff adults have to do to maintain life. It's not going to be jetting off for surprise weekends or enduring 2 day hangovers all the time.
• you need to know how to spell and be literate.
• dick pics - piss off.

And so on. I'm honestly at the stage where I CBA with pretending to be some picture perfect cover model with a fake "display" life to hook 'em in.

Is anyone else the same?

(NCd for privacy)

You clearly don't have time to date so I wouldn't bother if I was you.

Jeez, you'll be fending them off with sticks with that profile!

You come across very hard and pissed off. I can't see many men, if any, wanting to enter into that kind of set-up. You have no time for a relationship by the sounds of it.

It's all future-theoretical, but I can't see how my job will change that much.

When I say "dinner", that does include things like going out for food or drinks etc (i.e. dates). And I do have time for fun, but I also know I have boring domestic shit to do as well - laundry, shopping etc. Just the usual being an adult with a home to run.

Aside from that, the point was really that I can't see the point of pretending to e.g. like drinking every night, or going to the races/other exciting activity every weekend, when I don't. It would seem rather dishonest to try and fool someone into spending time getting interested in me on that basis when I am not that person.

Surely not everyone on dating sites is just advertising fake fantasy versions of themselves?

Put it on Bruised & Bitter.com... you’ll be inundated with partners.

You come across very hard and pissed off. I can't see many men, if any, wanting to enter into that kind of set-up. You have no time for a relationship by the sounds of it.

I'm actually a big softie and hopeless romantic, but I'm not going to get myself in a situation where I am compelled to be a different person to what I am.

I have a full time job, so I have the same time as everyone else I suppose.

But hey, I'm getting the message - I'm going to get nowhere with the brutal truth? Ah well....

Try a sex/nsa type website? Do you even want a relationship?

Or try women. They are better

Instead of thinking about "unrealistic", think optimistic. As a first impression, that entire list sounds hugely negative. If that's the best they think they're getting, you will have a dusty inbox. The stuff you mentioned in response was much more positive. You can be positive and realistic.

I get your sentiment 😂 and think you are also being tongue in cheek

I often think user reviews would be a good thing. Anonymous star rating out of five for different categories...

If you’re single with no kids though surely the best thing about that is that you do have the chance to do weekends away and nights out?

I get it. I did online dating fifteen years ago when it wasn't that cool really and had a similar tongue in cheek "let's just cut to the chase and cut out the bullshit" type profile (maybe not as brutal as yours 😬).

I didn't get any arseholes, mainly nice blokes who didn't want any bullshit either. In fact I married one, he was date number 12 though 😂😂.

Tone it down and soften it to make it more like you.

Some people are at the races every weekend and socialising every night because they are desperate to have the perfect instagram amazing life and some people are not fake but are very extroverted and get their energy from being out and about all the time. Most people don't have the time nor energy to socialise on this scale.

You probably need to go out on a few dates with someone first to decide whether you're compatible or if they're more suited to being with a social butterfly.

Tone your profile down so it sounds like the real you rather than the pissed of version of you

OP, nobody is forcing you to date people you know. get a cat, they are amazing and check all of your boxes (although they are not into spelling much)!

In all seriousness you come across very negative, you can achieve the same effect by putting a positive spin on your requirements, or you know, keep some to yourself. You don't need to announce them. The purpose of dating is to get to know people and weed out the bad ones you know.

Try a sex/nsa type website? Do you even want a relationship?

Tried that a few years ago. It was ok but lacking...because yes I do want a relationship. But I am not going to get into something that is not based on me being absolutely upfront from day 1.

Instead of thinking about "unrealistic", think optimistic.
You should have seen the bullets I deleted
I have lots of great qualities (intelligent, witty, capable etc), but given I'm looking for long term, not 'just' dates, I wanted to be honest about what life with me would be like! Seems more efficient!

But honestly op, what sort of guys do you hope to attract with that?

If you’re single with no kids though surely the best thing about that is that you do have the chance to do weekends away and nights out?

But I don't want to do those things! I like to travel, sure, but I prefer long haul trips in premium cabins, not easyjet weekends to Barcelona etc. And I genuinely like being at home. I'd be happy snuggled up with each of us reading on the sofa. I even like doing dull domestic stuff with someone - even going to the tip is more enjoyable when you have a sidekick...

Mine was less "abrupt: But I think it pretty much described me and what I wanted.
Date no. 1 is sitting next to me on the sofa right now, 7 months in.
I'll see if I can find my profile ...

Would you respond to such an ad if a man had written it? You don't sound like a catch, more a chore and it comes across as high maintenance and slightly jaded. I wouldn't bother to contact you because I would be worried if I didn't live up to your demands! Tone it down. You need to actually "encourage" a total stranger to reach out you after all. This doesn't exactly scream approachable to me...

I didn't get any arseholes, mainly nice blokes who didn't want any bullshit either. In fact I married one, he was date number 12 though 😂😂.
That's a good news/bad news comment

Some people are at the races every weekend and socialising every night because they are desperate to have the perfect instagram amazing life
That's exactly the kind of bullshit I am not interested in. It's pointless even meeting someone like that, for both of us.

The purpose of dating is to get to know people and weed out the bad ones you know.
Dating, ugh. Why can't I just put in a product specification and have the right bloke delivered to my door?
(I'm no good at smalltalk, let alone promoting myself, and the idea of having to do it multiple times with rejection on the field at every stage, is quite alarming!)

See you can have a profile like this because you're a woman. Imagine a bloke having the same sort of thing? He'd get zero messages, you'll still get plenty tho I'm sure.

Would you respond to such an ad if a man had written it?
It would certainly attract me more than the usual bland "I love socialising and hanging out with friends and parties and blah blah blah"
(not only does all the party-socialising go against my quite introverted nature; it also sounds so lame and unoriginal)

But then again you're asking me, so I am biased!

Date no. 1 is sitting next to me on the sofa right now, 7 months in. I'll see if I can find my profile ...
Thanks Squirrel - I'd be interested in an example which isn't quite as full-on as mine, but on the same lines!

Why don't you use a matchmaker? I have seen them in movies to be honest only, but you have to spend time weeding out or pay money to someone to weed them out for you. Maybe look into a matchmaking service?

Your intital ad sounds like you’re negative and bitter.

You would do much better with sineithing out together from what you’ve said in response to this thread.

There is a middle ground between ‘perfect instagrammable life’ and ‘pissed off twat’.

"Looking to date with a view to the future"

So, what to say ...

I think I'm basically lazy! I keep reading profiles involving lots of sporting activities - skiing, cycling, running, gym - and it just sounds like hard work.

I'm quite happy just pottering about.
I like spending time with family and close friends, chatting and catching up.
I enjoy board games and cards - I just joined a bridge club and am an absolute beginner but really liking it, walking our recently acquired puppy, reading, TV, cinema, theatre, meals out.
Music features as a backdrop to my life rather than the main event, you won't find me clubbing or at gigs.

I'm quite reserved until I get to know people and I have a small but close friendship group.

I like being outdoors on a fairweather basis, gardening and walks in the countryside or along the beach. I definitely prefer all of the above on warm summer days.

I've travelled a fair amount and lived in the tropics for a couple of years in my twenties.
Nowadays it's mostly short haul holidays in Europe plus a few winter holidays in the Caribean over the last few years - winter sun holidays were a revelation!

I work part time in Cambridge and am a single parent to two secondary school aged children from my 1st marriage who live with me most of the time but stay with their father twice a week.

I was widowed early 2017, a year after my late husband was diagnosed with cancer. It's been a tough couple of years but I'm reconnecting with life again and feeling positive about the future.

I'm happy in myself and with who I am and generally life is ticking along pretty well but I know that being in a good relationship enhances things and I'd like to have that again at some point. I don't want a relationship just for the sake of it and I certainly don't want the hassle of a bad relationship, I value myself more highly than that.

At this stage I'm looking to date, and see what comes of things.

No real preconceptions about an ideal partner, most appealing characteristic is genuine kindness, but a fit body wouldn't go amiss either!

Not interested in smokers or long distance. Looking around my own age give or take a few years.

If you've got this far and still want to know more then I'd probably love to hear from you, preferably more than just "Hi"!

Then just say that! But sell your introvert nature to find someone like minded! Don't lisr the things you don't want, highlight and showcase what you DO want. Put that you like company going to the tip and hiding from people at the weekend while eating posh crisps! You have to make it sound appealing to spend time with you after all. Look at each of your statements a rephrase in a positive light. No kids become unattached and flexible lifestyle. Drop the job demands, drop the bit about dick pics, drop the bit about manchildren and positively spin the rest. You don't have to pretend to be someone you are not, but you do need to see fun and like someone you would want to spend time with.