Realistic dating profiles.

[lucera]

At some point in the future I guess I need to get back on the horse. But I am done with the bullshit. Just so over it. And frankly if that means perma-singledom, so be it.

So any profile I created would look something like this:

• mid 40s woman. Intelligent, well read and I like to be able to talk about lots of different topics.
• I have a serious job and expect you to be similar life stage, along with normal adult responsibilities. No manbabies.
• Don't even bother if you have children or want children (no I won't find your amazing brood to be the exception).
• My job is full time and full-on and so most evenings I am just going to have dinner and not much else.
• Weekends is mainly doing the stuff adults have to do to maintain life. It's not going to be jetting off for surprise weekends or enduring 2 day hangovers all the time.
• you need to know how to spell and be literate.
• dick pics - piss off.

And so on. I'm honestly at the stage where I CBA with pretending to be some picture perfect cover model with a fake "display" life to hook 'em in.

Is anyone else the same?

(NCd for privacy)

Your intital ad sounds like you’re negative and bitter.
There is a middle ground between ‘perfect instagrammable life’ and ‘pissed off twat’.

This is probably not far from the truth on both counts (hence why this is all future - I'm definitely not in the right place to meet anyone right now). Maybe time will help balance the wording and my outlook better.

(I'm slightly because from all accounts my ex managed to get dates (plural) within weeks of splitting, so his ability to be Mr Fucking Perfect Man Sunshine while I could barely button up a shirt...)

Thank you Squirrels that is a brilliant example of what I could write, and it very clearly illustrates how you were able to articulate what you wanted but in a positive fashion. Really appreciate you posting it!

Then just say that! But sell your introvert nature to find someone like minded! Don't lisr the things you don't want, highlight and showcase what you DO want.
This thread has actually been really helpful. I know I sound like a bitter old crone, but it's shown me an option to still get across what i want, but in a less antagonistic way. I've never properly done online dating in this environment so its useful to hear from you who have!

I agree: I think when someone writes a lot of "I don't wants" in their profile, they're still trying to work some kind of pain, disappointment, or anger through - which is absolutely fine, but perhaps not on an online dating site. It is defended (and understandably so), but it also strikes out on the wrong footing if, yes, you've been hurt, but you believe in the underlying promise of something more optimistic.

So I would say get to a place where you don't have to post your "don'ts". This is from someone who has run the gamut of profile posts on OLD. Realistically upbeat is far more attractive to those whom you will also probably find attractive in return :)

You make yourself sound as if you think you are way way much better than other people out there but at the same time you make yourself sound such a negative person .

Wow you sound aggressive

Ah the world of online dating where you're expected to get the balance between witty but not stupid, intelligent but not a know it all,sexy but not slutty etc etc etc!

I think that you should really think about what it is you want. I completely and utterly understand everything you've said and totally empathise! You're a strong independent woman! It really is worth nailing your profile though. We could help you!!!! It's about how you word small those things that were negative, turn them into something you're looking for. Not sure I'm explaining myself at all Say something like that you're as happy being in someone's company curled up at opposite ends of the sofa with a book as you are say trekking the Amazon Jungle 🤷🏻‍♀️ Also, say something like you're looking for someone to share everyday life with, from wild adventures right down to the mundane of putting the bin out!

I do like uposters profile where it said about saying 'more than hi!'

I hate online dating. It's the most depressing and humiliating experience I've been through since my divorce! It's like a cattle market where guys smell fresh blood. I think I even said in my profile that I didn't need to see any dick pics over my cornflakes on a morning as I read my messages... It is important about guys being at a similar phase I think. I dated a guy who lived at home with his parents, didn't drive etc. I own my own home, have 2 kids and a successful business. I liked him and thought we could make it work but honestly it was like I was carrying him!

Good luck with writing your profile! What are you looking for?

The bit about saying more than hi was added several months in when I just seemed to be getting "Hi" or worse "Hi Gorgeous" messages (I didn't realise "Hi" was a one-click response option). When I first added that bit it was an utter rant about those type of responses, how I had gone to the trouble of writing a detailed profile and if the best they could respond with was "hi" then they'd be better off not bothering.

I'd chatted online with less than a handful of men prior to that, mostly the lack of information on their profiles put me off, along with the fish pictures (WTAF?), half naked pictures etc.

DP was the first reply after I'd added the "Hi" rant, it was along the lines of;
" Hi there....Sorry I couldn't resist it.
Then a sensible couple of lines about something in my profile which showed he'd at least read it".
It made me laugh! He hit lucky - by the end of the day when I'd had a multitude of "Hi" messages I wouldn't have laughed at his, even with the extras.

Thanks to all who have provided such useful and helpful comments. I agree with pp, I am not in the right emotional place for this now, but one day maybe I will be, and will be able to be honest, but in a way that doesn't sound quite so, erm, 'offputting'?

(I also think there is something in the comments which allude to the issue that if I am putting myself out there for judgment, a shitty auto-hi is a bit rude, tbh. I'm also going to have to work hard on getting my red lines across in a reasonable way though, as Heels mentions. I'm now old and ugly enough to know I categorically am not interested if they do/have/are [xyz specific thing], that's just how it is.)

It's a bit to read the deliberately bitchy one liners that are clearly meant to be oh-so-cutting, but this is MN, so thank you anyway. I have been duly knocked down to size!

Honestly you have to understand who you are competing against as most men on your age group and slightly above will becoming out of established relationships so will very likely have children and tbh often are looking for someone much younger so will not be enthused by your negative profile if they can have someone “younger and much more fun”

Well, then that's fine. They are not the man for me and I am not the woman for them. That's the point - I know for sure I don't want certain things, hence my desire to be upfront from the get-go.

I'm not going to give up my absolute redlines (and there are only about 3, when it comes down to it, the rest I am flexible on) just to hook up with any man who'll take me. If he's out there, good. If not, so be it.