I've met a perfectly nice man who wants the same things I do, but I'd be settling

[IWantToBeLizzyNotCharlotte]

I've been single for a long time and tbh had given up hope of meeting anyone. I met a man at a party and ended up kissing him.

He's perfectly nice. He's kind, he works hard and he wants a wife and a family. If I went out with him, I could be engaged within 18 months and have a baby.

I want that. I really really do.

I feel so conflicted because he's made it so clear that he's looking for something serious. I don't want to lead him on. The sun doesn't shine out of him and my knees don't feel shaky etc. I'm so tempted because I'm in my early thirties and I feel like I've been single for so long and I've got this chance and I'm throwing it away.

Hell probably shag you and ghost you, that's what lots of men do these days. Hell talk about marrying and children and plan well into next year, dip his wick and disappear. But then maybe he doesn't want to settle with you

I agree with the PP, even the men you feel you're settling for can/will do this to you. And maybe it's BECAUSE you're settling and they don't feel ignited by the connection. THey're not dumb, you may be the prettiest woman he has had as a gf so far but if he feels that you don't see him as the best thing that's ever happened to YOU, don't be surprised if you get shagged dumped and ghosted by a man you don't you were settling for. That will sting.

I am so confused by it all. I just don't understand the rules. I don't know if I've given him enough time or if I've not given him enough time.

I don’t see some of what others have said as ted flags. When I met my husband, we both wanted to make sure the other was looking for a long term relationship from the beginning. We didn’t expect each other to say we’d be together forever by date 3 but it was important to establish we both were on the same page for the type of relationship we were looking for.

You certainly wouldn’t be leading him on to keep seeing him and if you got together and then decided you weren’t suited that’d be fine too.

Just try it for try it for a bit and see how it goes. Even if you don’t like him in the end, it will be a good experience for you - might not be so nervous next time. You don’t owe him anything, even after few months of dating. Few months is nothing! if he is so keen, he will find someone in the end.

I met someone who was all serious talk about wanting a wife and children. We are still together now after 10 years, but he's never proposed and we only had a baby when I said it's now or I leave you ( and I did leave him after 7 years together )

Anyway my point is sometimes it's weeding talk to put off people who just want sex, but sometimes they say it because they think it's want you want to hear.

You can't do things to mess it up. It's either going to work out or not. You sending one text too many won't matter.

OP you are definitely overthinking this. Just continue to date him for awhile and see how it goes.

As you can read on here, fluttery feeling certainly don't mean a good or long relationship. People will stay with the worst abusive cocklodging loser over fluttery feelings in their pants.

Read up about "future faking". He is telling you what you want to hear.

I see red flags here . Tread carefully . Date him if you want but don’t think too far ahead . If he is genuine he will be prepared to take it slowly , he seems to be too full on at the moment. I would be wary .

Just take it one date at a time and during /after each one, ask yourself if you are enjoying yourself. If the answer is yes, keep going, if not, then stop. Never mind leading him on, all relationships progress over time until they don't. You can be in a relationship for months or years that is good, but then it's not and it ends.. That doesn't mean all that went before was false. If you enjoy this guy's company, date, don't engage in long term plans, just take your time and please try not yo think about missing out on your chance. This guy might not be the one you end up with but you might learn valuable relationship skills from it..just remember, one date at a time, if you enjoy it, continue, if not, don't.

I know you have not said you are religious or if he is but some people are just not into casual dating so he could just be being upfront about this. I think being good friends first is best before sex; as good sex can overlook major relationship flaws, going to the cinema together tells you nothing about a person talking does
I made it clear within the first few dates that I was looking for a husband not a long term bf or even short term bf, and I wouldn't have children before marriage; obviously I didn't know on day 1 that he was the DH for me, but if I had known he definitely wasn't the DH for me there would have been no more dates

Thank you for taking the time to comment. I need to take some time to think it over because my head is spinning, but I really appreciate your thoughts.

Discussing what kind of relationship you’re looking for is fine. But if he’s saying he wants all these things with YOU after four dates I’d be very wary. I met a man like that. He ghosted me and turned out to be a sociopath

‘The question you should be asking yourself is: Would he be a good father? Is he healthy, reliable, hard working, interested in having kids and spending time with them? Because once kids come along your main concern is having them provided for and well looked after. Your own happiness takes a back seat. If you’re truly unhappy then you can divorce him later and you’ll still have kids before it’s too late and a great father to look after them.’

I soooo don’t agree with this! OP needs a life partner, not just a co-parent. Kids grow up and then what? You’re stuck with someone you don’t like. Oh well....just get a divorce

Yeah well sometimes your choice is to have kids with a good father and risk getting divorced later, or not have any kids at all because you’re too old. Lots of women get to their 30s and choose the former.

He's talking long term, holidays and babies, and you haven't had sex!!!!

He could have a Micro penis or be a disaster between the sheet.

IMO people only start to really bond or fall in love after they have had some great sex. In fact that's proven.

You need to let the relationship develop and see where it goes. There is no fast-tracking things.

Can't you just say to him "I like you, but it is such early days that I don't know where this is going to lead. I do know I'd like to spend more time getting to know you, no pressure, no expectations. What do you think?" and see where the conversation leads.

Show him this thread, he'll run a mile.

I wouldn't overthink this. Some men have got focus and know what they want in life other than messing with people's feelings. Enjoy him, get to know him, spend time with him, if you can cope with some of the bad habits, and both of you meet each other in the middle, I don't see why not! Remember nobody is perfect, so please enjoy this lovely Christmas pressie Santa has brought you this year. Go and be Happy girl

From my own experience, if it’s early days, he will be on his best behaviour anyway. You might think he will give you all this within 18 months and he won‘t. The only way to find out whether you are suited is to properly get to l low him.