Was the grass really greener for your ex??

[Jellywomble]

Christmas seems to be a time for a lot of us to mull over past relationships and emotions.

My ex left 2 years ago. Straight away he had a baby with the OW who is 17 years younger than him. He's now 51 and has turned from a chilled and lovely gentleman to the most miserable, bitter and useless person on the planet. He's started drinking heavily and has a face akin to a puffer fish!

OW is more than nuts and screams at him, stalks him and throws things at him (so our kids tell me).

I do wonder if anyone else has stories of "the grass clearly wasn't greener?".

BTW, I woud NEVER have him back but I cannot believe for one minute he thinks he's fallen on his feet.

My ex left 6 years ago (no kids) after 15 years. Within 18 months he'd married a single parent. Said it was what he wanted after years of not wanting kids. We had a medical managed termination and didn't try again.
I met someone after a year split and we now have a 3 year old and trying again following a miscarriage in October.
My ex occasionally messages me as I think he totally regrets our split and photos I see he definitely doesn't look happy.
But he made his bed.

It was for my narcissistic exh. Still hope at some time Karma will bite him on the arse. He did a right number in me and managed to make people think I was some crazy bitch, sees our DS rarely and has no overnights or responsibility. Lives with new woman and her kids. Has sacked off DS today to spend with 'new family'. Tells people I won't let DS go when new gf is there - which is total rubbish ( DS doesn't want to go).
Come in Karma if you exist go get him!

Pieceofpurplesky Karma isn't need. Your ex is filth. What a sad way to be.

Though my ex will never openly admit he’s miserable I can tell he is. He claims but be happier than ever but i’ve never seen him more miserable, he was constantly taking his bad moods out on me to the point o won’t see him now (his partner does the pick ups and drops off) and constantly complaining about having no money etc.

Don't get me wrong toffee I am happy but I work bloody hard as a single Mum and he breezes through life. It just galls me sometimes (especially today as the reality has hit DS that ex chose gf over him)

I do think that many men find the thought of being alone pretty scary, so between that and mid life crisis they tend to leap into marriage again really quickly?

I can't for one moment imagine that my ex has anything in common with someone so much younger who barely speaks his language.. let alone enjoys changing nappies again.

LOL !

@Drawtheline14 - were we married to the same guy??! HAHA !! My ex moans about lack of money and constantly makes little jibes to our kids about divorce, me, lawyers, lessons learnt etc, etc...yawn!

I have no idea as I had no children with my ex and have no contact with them.

The only thing I say to myself is that the behaviour they dished out was far too extreme to only occur towards me.

That is who they are. It's their modus operandi and that is how they will ultimately behave with everyone.

As much as it pains me to say, my ex is actually happier now 4 years on. He met somebody 3 months after split, they are still together and very happy.

What makes it worse is he is a very good dad to our child. It makes it a lot harder to let go and make peace with things. You feel like the your were the cause of the problems.

My ex was very peculiar in his opinion of me and I blamed his unusual upbringing. He honestly thought I was off the scale awful but I really wasn't! We had 3 DC under 4yrs and money was tight. It WAS hard for a bit. He left when youngest was just 3 but saw them often and was financially supportive. He's just been asked to leave by third long term partner in 17 years and now lives alone. He spent Xmas day alone until our grown up DC visited him, reluctantly, in the evening.

Looks like it. He is extremely wealthy, since ending it with me he has taken her and her kids to Eurodisney, Spain, France and St Lucia. All in school holidays with must cost a fortune, something I could never compete with.

Not for him. He left me, shacked up with the girl some 13 years my junior and is now realising life with this constantly skint girl, who can barely keep her roof over her head and gets pissed every weekend isn't quite the life what he thought it would be.....shame.

OP sounds like you ex got his karma in the end.

I like to think not. But then I would I was left a year ago for ow.

He walked away from me. The kids and our home.

Now in a rented room. Sees the kids eow and is broke even though he has good income.

I'm sure he will swing it around. I keep saying this as at some point he has to grow up. But I'm hoping by then I will give less of a shit.

But as other have said. They won't of changed their personality and he will be treating ow the same way he treated me at some point. I wish them both well.

Ex left me 8 years ago after 8 years together, mortgage, joint pets but no children.
He was showing the classic signs of a minor mid life crisis, and I believe he was hoping to start a relationship with his new female friend (who actually made it clear she wasn’t interested once he was single).
I am very happily engaged, mortgage on a lovely house with my soul mate, and we have 2 gorgeous children.
He is single, unemployed, and currently on benefits (was in a good job when we were together). He looks a mess and drinks far too much.
I have no feelings towards him now either way, but I feel sorry for him as a human being as he seems utterly miserable.

Dont think it always depends on external factors, remember happiness is an inside job!
I would personally say no!! My stbxh will always be unhappy and emotionally empty as he doesn't know how to connect with people. The truth is he has an unstable personality that will follow him what ever he does or who ever he is with. He can find happiness temporarily but it never lasts. He is also angry, distorted and bitter, he has lost a lot more than he has gained in leaving. I in tern have gained a lot more than i have lost!!
I want to get to the point that i dont really care if the grass is greener for him or not, he wasn't good enough for me and thats all i should care about.

STBxh had an affair for a few months and then left in August after 20 years together, for OW. Moved straight in with her and her two kids and quite honestly has been a pretty detached father to our 2 kids since. I am 100% sure he would tell everyone, including himself, how happy he is now but even if he is I am pretty confident he won't be for long. OW seems to be very high maintenance and a bit of a drama llama, and he is far too lazy to deal with that well for long. Plus his finances have naturally taken a big hit.

Before he left he had joined a gym and was spending huge amounts on a PT (all part of the mid life crisis) and yet looks fatter, greyer and a lot older every time I see him.

I, however, get to live with our two amazing kids, have lost a considerable amount of weight and have taken up running. My friendship circle has expanded and I have loads more time for the things that are important to me. I am now financially independent and able to make my own decisions. I am really proud of myself.

It's been tough - my dad has been very ill the last few months too which is really hard. But it has made me realise how little he supported me emotionally and what I took for being easy going was actually just selfish, laziness.

Maybe he will regret it, maybe not - but actually that's not important. His leaving has let my grass get greener! And I didn't have to act like a total bastard and let my kids down to allow it to happen.

The grass is still bright green for miy ex as after 6 years. We have a DS together whip is at the bottom of the list of his priorities. I think OW is a better match for him than I was which is a bitter pill to swallow and I wish I never had DS with him so he would be out of my life for good

All that is my ex too - I would like him to be settled so that he’s happier for our DS - but he’s someone who is never happy with his lot.

Yeah. Her dad was terminally ill when he went off with her, died 6 months in. He married her tout suite. I suppose I can be glad he's now pissing her money away on stupid gadgets and cigarettes instead of mine.

Doubtless he's still shagging everything he can so I'm sure he's happier than her.

Quirkcutekitch2011

Its sad it really is, but hes so dysfunctional and has become 100 x worse since he left. Iv realised the reality is that hes probably got a personality disorder, he has so many issues and life is always an emotional rollacoster for him. Hes a very inconsistent parent which has a negative effect on the kids. He has to appear happy as this validates the choices he has made. But i know 100% hes not happy as hes not capable of being.

My ex had an affair which resulted in me finishing things, however she was engaged within a few months and pregnant a few months after that. Despite her being an emotionally/financially/physically abusive bitch I still felt a pang if pain that she had moved on so quickly while I was still trying to get my head straight. She is still on the fringes of my social circle and is on crazy money working in the city and on the surface at least has a very charmed life but her new chap is a shell of a man and utterly existing in her shadow. I feel sorry for him to be honest as I recognise some of the controlling methods she deployed on me being used on him. Definitely a bullet dodged.

My ex is single atm. I know he’s been having fun but I can’t wait for him to move on to a really goodhearted, lovely girl. I really hope the grass is greener for him- because whosever “fault” it was (although blame is to me, a losing hand), he is a kind and sweet man, if not the man for me- and deserves a wonderful, fulfilling love life like every other person who is not a total monster- and selfishly, it will help him be the best father to our children he can be if he is happy romantically.

It is so hurtful for someone to leave another person especially if you were hoping for the rest of your life together. I’ve had it over and over again, and done it, too. But we don’t own each other. Promises have to be understood within the limits of human optimism, wellmeaning intention and ability to predict the future . It just strikes me that not many people on this thread able to move on without characterising their ex as some form of empty hearted, morally bankrupt sociopath. My mother always taught me to beware of men who said every ex was crazy. I wonder should that apply to women, too.

Actually rethinking my last post- thats unfair. This is a relationships site and theres just a disproportionate number of people who’ve had tough relationships on here looking for support- rather than that everyone thinks their ex is crazy. I apologise. Ive been reading it too much recently (lonely christmas) and maybe its started to affect my world view a bit.

My exh had an affair with his much older boss. Hes had a succession of girlfriends over the years and is an alcoholic. He lost his career and his two older children (not mine) do not speak to him. Currently a much younger girl is pregnant with his child as he cheated on his partner. She knows and has forgiven him but wont have anything to do with the baby when she arrives. I pity him.