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Original poster

Was the grass really greener for your ex??

46 replies

Jellywomble · 26/12/2018 17:05

Christmas seems to be a time for a lot of us to mull over past relationships and emotions.

My ex left 2 years ago. Straight away he had a baby with the OW who is 17 years younger than him. He's now 51 and has turned from a chilled and lovely gentleman to the most miserable, bitter and useless person on the planet. He's started drinking heavily and has a face akin to a puffer fish!

OW is more than nuts and screams at him, stalks him and throws things at him (so our kids tell me).

I do wonder if anyone else has stories of "the grass clearly wasn't greener?".

BTW, I woud NEVER have him back but I cannot believe for one minute he thinks he's fallen on his feet.

OP posts:
Bouledeneige · 26/12/2018 23:38

My XH is now after 10 years in a relationship with an XGF from college days. I knew her.

She's in her 50s like me, frumpy and as my DD says 'makes her own clothes' ( this is not a compliment). I'm know for being a very buzzy funny optimist and my DD let on that she's a bit moany 'and makes Dad look like the cheerful one!'

I'm no oil painting - overweight and jowly 50 something. But it's somehow satisfying he didn't end up with someone 20 years younger like the girl he had an affair with.

Plus he's got a red face and his career stalled and his company may be in trouble. Stuff him.
I don't think it's about better it's different.

youcanthaveitchyteeth · 26/12/2018 23:42

Haha nope. He left within six months. And I find it hilarious because the other woman who has years on me and should know better was massively threatened by me. And overstepped the mark with my kids to spite me. She's now constantly asking him if we are back together (we aren't) but we are co parenting quite well. He's an absolute turd but she really took the biscuit having a problem with ME 🖕🏻

pissedonatrain · 27/12/2018 00:11

No it isn't for him. He's still living in a rented room, unemployed, and still hasn't met the OW. Also not sure what they have in common since she barely speaks English.

It's been better for me not having to pay his way and chauffeur him around listening to him complain about everything.

singleascheeseslice · 27/12/2018 00:18

Well my ex was a diagnosed Narcissist so he's not you're average ex but he has had around 3 relationships since we split and they generally fall apart after 2 years. I stayed with him for 8 years and had a DC with him, I put it down to my youth and naivety. These women were smarter than me, so in someways the grass was greener, just not in the way he would have hoped lol

thebaronetofcockburn · 27/12/2018 00:19

He wound up alone. He's too much of a cunt to be with anyone else. He tries to message me every now and again.

MorningsEleven · 27/12/2018 00:26

My Dad once told me his biggest regret was leaving his first wife and that 40 years of marriage to my mother was karma biting him in the arse! He did qualify it by saying that having me made him happy.

Mari50 · 27/12/2018 00:32

As an outsider looking in it definitely appears that way.
My exH and I didn’t have a family so my information is from mutual friends and social media. He has a very well paid job, lives in an amazing area and still married to OW so while I have no idea about the actual machinations of the relationship, from a distance his life has turned out really well. Mine, not so much.

fannycraddock72 · 27/12/2018 08:25

My ex’s affair partner died suddenly 6 months after we split up, so the grass certainly wasn’t greener. I genuinely felt sorry about it all and offered to help out as much as I could, which I did. However A few weeks after the affair partner died my ex was someone else.Confused

I guess my ex is better off, holidays, cars, clothes etc. Always wears a big smile when kids are picked up dropped off etc.

After we split I took it badly and ended up having counselling and realised that I was somewhat codependent and my ex portrayed some very strong narcissistic traits. After I started reading about the link with narcissism and cheating it was a true a-ha moment, not saying my ex has a full blown personality disorder but they have some very strong traits. My ex is very insecure and needs attention all the time, I guess to fill up the empty space where the soul should be. Me on the other hand have re-discovered my old self, happy with who I am, happy to sometimes just spend a day on my own, have totally reconnected with my kids, got my own home, have a new partner (who is great).

Is the grass greener for the ex? Couldn’t really give a shit anymore Grin

Allalittlebitshit2019 · 27/12/2018 09:22

Fanny
Your statement about your ex having a personality disorder and you being co dependent rang true eith me. I have really struggled to emotionally disconnect I also know his behaviour was controlling and abusive.
I also agree with the hole where the soul should be!!!! There are many personality disorders maybe he has borderline (most common) up yo 12% of the population!! But show trates of other persobality disorders. Mine had servear anxiety and was obsessive, this masked everything else for a long time!!!.

NameChangeNugget · 27/12/2018 11:59

From my friends, I’d say 9 times out of 10 it works out for the better

Mum4Fergus · 27/12/2018 12:09

Only in the very short term. It took me about a year to get back on my feet but since then I have a very well adjusted DS, an awesome new husband, and am on the verge of early retirement. He remains a twunt, single (for about 4th time in as many years), renting and up to ears in debt. While I don't wish it on him...I don't particularly care either. He's an adult and responsible for his own life.

theredjellybean · 27/12/2018 13:09

My dexh is certainly happier as after 20odd yrs of marriage us splitting up let him come out and he is now very happy with same sex partner.
I am so happy with my dp and he seems happier with me, more relaxed, and healthier.
His ex wife would probably love to see us miserable but we're not and we are definitely a better match.
His children my dsds tell me dad is such a happier person now. So nit just my opinion

Clueless1980 · 27/12/2018 18:10

Wasn't for mine. He left me in 2012 completely heartbroken and so alone. Fast forward to 2013- he comes crawling back begging forgiveness. In my stupidity, we briefly try again until I realise that leopard can't change his spots and I can't forgive his actions.

A few weeks after that, I met the most wonderful kind and lovely man, who adores me and likewise. Now married and trying hard for a baby. The ex meanwhile has been single since (despite telling me there were lines of women after him) contacts me every now and then in the hope of reconciliation. After all this time, I still don't feel sorry for him.

Hope this brings hope to someone…

Nicknamesalltaken · 27/12/2018 18:15

Nope. He and his younger OW split up, so he’s on his own and is lonely.

I, however, am on the greener side with a lovely partner and happy DCs.

madcatladyforever · 27/12/2018 18:26

It certainly was not greener, he realises everything he lost just walking out looking for the promised land, has no money, rented room, no women, nothing. Constantly whingeing about coming back but that isn't going to happen any time soon.
We had a beautiful home in a lovely area that I still have as it was always mine and nice holidays and life but he was just never satisfied.
Now regretting it horribly but that isn't my problem, I can do much better than him.

Buunylover · 27/12/2018 18:26

Found out my ex was having an affair and chucked him out. The OW knew he was married so I blame them both equally. I found out they split up after about three months after I found out, don't know how long they were together in total. He now lives alone, my DD refuses to see him and he has lost his job. The OW had her own business but has been declared bankrupt and has lost her house, car etc. He threw away 19 years of marriage for that. Normally I would feel sorry for people who have lost everything, but in this case i do not care one iota.

Orange6904 · 27/12/2018 18:38

I know my friend's dad regretted it. Left wife of 30 years for woman 20 years younger. She cheated on him and left him when he was ill. My friend said he regretted it and wishes he could rewind.

TooManyPuppies · 27/12/2018 18:42

No it wasn't. Neither relationship he jumped to lasted, he's alone now last I heard and both of the OW who knew about me at the time of hooking up with him have also gone on to find someone else have kids then end up alone and miserable after awful, bitter break ups.

Seems karma just keeps on giving to everyone involved and they all more than deserve it, may the rest of their lives continue on the path the created.

TwiceMagic · 27/12/2018 18:54

I actually hope that my ex is happier, if only for our DS’s benefit. However, I fear he’s constitutionally incapable of being happy and I’m not sure he’s capable of actually caring about another adult human. I’d like it if he could manage to be. It would be better all round.

I’m certainly much happier for not being with him.

Orange6904 · 27/12/2018 19:08

Yeah I kind of hope my ex is happy. All the pain he caused me has to be worth something. But I'm not sure how rushing into a relationship with a teenage coworker that spends her life gurning in Primark and looking all deep and meaningful in fields will last. Maybe that's the good life and I'm the idiot.

ivykaty44 · 27/12/2018 19:10

It was scorched & and finally frizzled to black burnt patches

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