What does your DP contribute to household chores?

[Pineapple462]

My DP is a great man, we have a fun, loving and honest relationship. He can however be a little lazy when it comes to taking care of our home. He will wash up now and again or Hoover (when asked) but it’s rare. We both work full time yet I take care of everything. Out of curiosity, how do you split chores with your OH? Or do you do everything? And if so, do you mind?....

We both work full time & we split chores fairly equally. I probably do more housework & most of the laundry. He does all the garden & odd jobs. We share the cooking but he does a bit more than me. Just us & one adult DS at home now, & DS does his share too.

I’m a SAHM so do more of the day to day stuff (running Hoover around, putting the washing in etc). Pretty much everything else split 50:50. When things need doing we both pitch in until it’s done so we can relax together.
He does 80% of the cooking.

The bigger question is

• if you are too busy to do stuff, what does he not pick up?

Too many women get on and do the tasks without asking / waiting ...

My DH cooks, cleans, irons, washes up, hangs up laundry - pretty much everything
because if I am working it would otherwise not get done

Absolutely 50/50. I honestly can't believe that this is still even an issue in this day and age.

My DH has always pulled his weight without me having to ask, in complete contrast to my exH who ran a cloth over the worktops once a fortnight and thought he deserved man of the year award.

Sadly, that mindset doesn't change. People either care about cleaning or they don't OR they care about not taking the piss with their OHs or they don't.

Most of the cooking, loads of the childcare, picking up, dropping off, looking after when I’m at work (a lot)
Dishwasher loading and unloading.
Food shopping.
All diy, electrics, plumbing, built our extension, fitted the kitchen, bathroom.
Used to look after our cars.
Has done everything for Christmas including kids presents, food shopping and all cooking. Doing a tip run tomorrow to get recycle the plastic and cardboard.
Works full time, finished his masters degree this year.

I do laundry, ironing.

He’s great really.

He works full time (works away 2/3 days most weeks
I work 4 days school hours

He does all the ironing, about half of the laundry and the majority of the washing up when he's home, he will Hoover up, change beds etc if asked.
I tend to do the rest of the housework and all the childcare although if they're off school I'll it's usually him that takes time off to look after them as he still gets paid whereas I wouldn't.

OH does all laundry and most of the washing up

I do get very annoyed sometimes that he doesn’t help. I don’t know if I should just shut up and put up or try and put a plan in place so he does a bit more. He will just laugh at me if I try and structure some sort of rota though!

Both work full time and the house is always spotless. We both pitch in. We don’t have set chores, it’s a case of if it needs doing... do it.

pineapple
What happens if you do not do it ?
What happens if he discovers he has no clean clothes?
Or that the fridge fairy has not filled it ?
Or that the dishwasher does not switch itself on ?
Because if you do it all without him having to, he never will.

Stop using the word ‘help’ he isn’t helping you as that suggests it’s your responsibility!!

He needs to contribute his share of tasks

3 kids DH does tea every morning loads and unloads the dishwasher while I sort the kids.
We both tidy up and vacuum do a bathroom each - he does most of the washing I iron
I usually cook and he clears up.

He does the bins garage recycling and gardening

Both walk the dog

I do more lifts and organizing ect

He does masses. I am appreciative.
In your case, maybe have a talk with him?

Half the cooking!! Emptying and filling the dishwasher, all gardening (far size garden) all car washing (2 cars) and maintenance, bin emptying inside and outside!! outside window washing!! I do all house cleaning washing and ironing. We try to work as a team if I’m truthfully I think he does more cooking then I do!! Buts that because he really enjoys cooking a dont!!

We both work full time and dh does the majority of the work around the house which isn't really very fair.

He does virtually everything. Hoovering, dusting, washing, cleaning, washing-up...

He always has, even when we both worked, but now he's out of work and I'm full time so he is also a SAHD and does majority of the childcare too.

I do cooking and thinking about cooking, and I clean the bathroom and loo.

I know he's awesome, although in most of my acquaintance he's not a total anomaly, he is fairly unusual in the amount he does.

I value his contribution hugely.

Have you ever had a conversation, just the two of you, about what is fair about who does what? Not you making a schedule, or telling him what to do. I have to bite my tongue sometimes when he des things differently or takes a while to get round to doing his things. The split is fair or we would not be in a relationship. I think it helps that he lived alone for a good number of years, so knows wha5 it takes to run a household.

My DH does nothing. When we lived together and both worked full time I tried to get him to do his share by discussing rationally/striking etc. but it didn't work. I hired a cleaner and made him pay....it was so unnecessary though in a one bedroom flat.
Now we're married with kids and I'm a SAHM. We can't afford a cleaner and he does nothing still.
He will wash up his own items and leave family things if he has any food inbetween meals etc.

My DH and I work full time and have 2 young DC. He does most of the laundry (but doesn't put clothes away or iron) and gets himself and the DC out of the house most mornings but I do evenings, all organising, grocery, etc. It will be me that remembers to do certain things, e.g. book haircuts, organise holiday childcare or dental appointments for the DC which I then delegate out to him. It's not ideal, it's like I project manage our lives on top of a demanding job.

I find I am happy with our arrangement when it feels like it is broadly equal and I've had enough time to myself to pursue my own interests.

There is a lot of chat about this recently. Have a read of the Harpers Bazaar article "women aren't nags, they are just fed up" which articulates the "emotional labour" issue well.

No DC so no childcare to split.

Me:

• All financial things (bills, insurance, etc)
• All other household admin (pay cleaner, window cleaner, make vet appointments, organise any house related purchases and decor, etc)
• Morning cat feed including washing cat dishes
• All the things DH would never think to do that aren't regular but need doing: clean inside bins, wipe down front of cupboards, clean inside of windows, inside of fridge, etc
• Quick tidy up and clean toilets before cleaner comes (when I remember I make DH do it as he leaves skids -gross- but I usually forget and do it myself)
• Gardening except mowing lawn
• Cooking when we have guests
• Wipe down kitchen surfaces between weekly cleans

DH:

• Laundry (but dumps my clean laundry in a heap in the bedroom, doesn't put it away)
• Grocery shopping and putting away (sometimes I help)
• Puts bins out
• Evening cat feed
• Mows lawn
• Clean up/dishes when we have guests
• Probably about 80% of dishwasher loading and unloading

Share:

• Take it in turns to strip bed and re-make it
• Holiday admin, sometimes I do it, sometimes DH does it
• Day to day cooking

Have Help:

• 4 hours cleaning once a week (dust, hoover, mop, clean kitchen and bathroom)
• Window cleaner for outside windows

Same as you OP. unfortunately.

Thank you for the Harper’s bazaar recommendation, it was an interesting read and when the time is right I think I’ll send OH the link! (He’s downstairs with dsd who doesn’t live with us so not the right moment to bring it up).

Why does he think you should do all the housework? Does he see himself as a MAN and therefore too important to do chores?

I think it ends up being reasonably equal though DH feels he does more than me. I think this is just because his contributions are more obvious, weekly tasks whereas he doesn't necessarily see me cleaning the inside of bins or the fridge for example.

If I'm working long hours I call him on my commute home and he will make me dinner (something very easy like a sausage sarnie) so on those weeks he's probably right. I also have bipolar disorder and have a few weeks a year where I am depressed and can't do anything (feed myself, function) so he does everything those weeks. This also contributes as taking these times into account he will do more than me overall.

But yeah...I'd stop saying it's 'helping'. You're not in charge or solely responsible.

I turn it around when talking to my DH and say that it makes me a bit sad to hear people talk about men as though they're incompetent and can't figure out simple things like washing machines. I'd never dream of treating him like a man child and as though he can't look after himself....how infantilising the media are of men and fathers, of course men can do XYZ as well as me, blah blah.

I've found this works well to get men to pull their weight while feeling grateful(!) to be taken so seriously

I work part time and my DH full time. We have two DC 5 and 2. I do lots. DH does lots. The latter isn’t anything he would want to change as he’s fair minded and egalitarian in principle but seems to have bred a lot of resentment and a martyr complex for DH which is all very frustrating and sad and is a source of conflict. Sometimes I wish he was a more stereotypical bloke who did less as that way only one of us (me) would be unhappy.

I work 3 days and dh full time. 2 kids and one on the way.

Me: food shopping, meal planning, all laundry and putting laundry away, buying clothes for kids, kid admin stuff (eg presents for parties, dealing with school projects and trips and play dates etc, opticians, dentists etc).

Dh: does all the cooking (he enjoys it), loads dishwasher before bed each night, financial admin, bill paying.

Things that are split depending on who is around to do it - general tidying up, bath and bed for kids, homework, emptying bins, changing nappies.

I consider is pretty even tbh.