Possibly pregnant, am I obliged to tell the father?

[pregnantvirgin]

As the title suggests.

I'm 32, been single years, perfectly happy having fun. I've had a fling with a guy much younger than me for the past few months. It's ended, amicably, and now my period is 2 days late.

I'm on the pill but I know accidents can happen.

I'm visiting my parents this week and they live rurally and I have no car (live in London, no need) so there's no way I can buy a test.

If I am pregnant, am I obliged to tell the father? There's absolutely no way he will want to keep the baby and I feel it's so unfair to put the pressure on him. He's only 21, starting out in his career etc. I could just abort and not ever tell him. But is that the moral thing to do?

Any help so hugely appreciated as I just can't tell anyone about this in real life.

No, you don't have to tell him. You can arrange the termination and move on.

Do you want the baby?

No, you don't have to tell him. Good luck OP.

If you’re sure you don’t want to carry on the pregnancy I’d abort and not tell him. Ultimately you will be the person who is carrying the child and who likely will be the main carer if you went ahead.

Wishing you a happy Christmas.

I don't not want the baby but I just can't ever see how it would work with him as the father as he is SO young. It wouldn't be fair in my opinion to have the baby if we weren't both on board with it. We work together, so I couldn't keep it a secret.

No hurry to make any decisions. Your period could be naturally late, you could have miscalculated, you might miscarry early...anything could happen! If you are pregnant and you decide to keep it, it might be best to tell him. He might be happy; he might want a baby; every baby deserves the chance to know its dad.

No obligation, why complicated things unless you want his support.
If you have a baby obvs then you should tell unless violent or other v good reason

Unless you think you might get back together, then it might be awkward, your body, your choice.

If you are keeping the baby then YES the father needs to be told. One day the child may wish to have contact etc and do you really want to explain to your own child you never even bothered telling him??

If you have an abortion no need to ever mention anything

You say it wouldn’t work with his as a father as his so YOUNG? well you shagged him love, didn’t you think he was a bit young then?

@PinkHeart5914 thanks for the advice, there is a difference between wanting to sleep with someone and thinking that they are parent material (in my opinion). He has made it explicitly clear to me that he doesn't want a child, why would he at 21.

Buy a test on amazon prime?

One thing at a time, find out whether you're pregnant first.

See how you feel when you know either way. If you're pregnant and know for sure that you don't want to be, just get a termination and don't tell him. If you're not sure whether you want to continue the pregnancy, I suggest you take some time to think about it, ask GP or BPAS about counselling, and then only tell him if you decide to continue with the pregnancy.

I don‘t quite understand the question pregnant. If you want to keep the baby and you work together you just said there is no choice. So you obviously have to tell him.
The question arises only if you want to terminate.
Or if you toy with the idea of involving him in order for you to decide whether you keep the hypothetical baby. Now that would be a recipe for desaster. No matter what he tells you now, you‘ll be a single mum if you keep the baby, and reminding him of whatever promises he might make now will all end in toxic drama.
If you are pregnant, which your nick seems to be sure of even without any test, that is. (2 days late wouldn‘t fuzz me, and I successfully protected myself with the pill for over a decade.)

Do a test first, then panic.

If you want a termination I wouldn’t tell.

If you want the baby it is ok to go ahead regardless of his feelings. Tell him, but make it clear you don’t expect him to fill a father role for a child.

I'm asking if I am pregnant and I decide to terminate, whether or not I am morally obliged to tell him. Obviously it's much easier if I don't.

I've been on the pill for 14 years and my period has never ever been late.

I am saying no you're not.
Pretty sure the others are saying that too.

No you're not morally obliged to tell him, if you intend having a termination. If you decide to keep it, then it will become glaringly obvious and he'd soon guess . I'd just wait until you know for sure.

If you decide to terminate, he doesn't need to know and you don't need to tell him.

Personally i would not tell him, you dont want his support or input, but if you tell him then he might feel obligated, or not of course

Do you want him to ask you to not terminate?

No, if you terminate, I do not see that you are morally obliged to tell him. He knew you are on the pill, he (I bet) did not ask if it is a type of pill that prevents a fertilized egg from further gestation (I have a Friend who is a Jehova‘s witness, and she is making a fuss about it, as it is in her view akin to abortion. Technically she has a point. I still don‘t mind taking the pill. But I am pro-choice, anyway.)
If you, however, feel he should pay half of the abortion costs or so, I think asking him for that would be justified, too. You didn‘t get pregnant on your own and he got a freeride with you paying for the pill, anyway.

You aren't morally obliged to tell him if you terminate. There is no benefit to tell him, for him. For you there might be- if he is a supportive guy who could take you to and from the appointment, for example, instead of using public transport. But if you have friends or family who can do that then just do what works best for you.

It's a very personal thing and no one is entitled to know.

No you don’t need to tell him. As to whether he needs to know, I would ask why not. He is an adult and he had sex which leads to pregnancy. In this case you are choosing not to have his baby but somebody else might decide to keep it. Why protect him from that, he’s not a child.

Actions have consequences and it is not the women’s role in life to carry the burden for men or indeed for men to carry the burden for women.

If he doesn’t want a child, he needs to know that his choices could have resulted in him having a child. Whether he likes it or not.

I'm you 16 years on. Ds (16) is an only child. My little miracle. Do you think you could love and care for a baby? If so go for it. The other stuff will fall into place.

In your position I would tell him if I was keeping it and not if I wasn’t.

If you decide to terminate I still think he should know. Why should you be the only one to feel that pain? I also kept a termination quiet but wish I'd told the father.

Some people don't feel pain with termination but relief, Dont.