Seventh Christmas on my own...

[MulledWineAndCamembert]

That's it really.

Split up with my exhusband in the run up to Christmas 2012 and, aside from a few dates and very short flings here and there, I've been single since.

I have hobbies; I work; I have teenage children; I meet loads of people but very rarely single men and never ones I'm interested in - the single for a reason sort.

I don't even think I'd manage a relationship now as I'm used to being on my own and feel like I'd be 'competing' with the memories; the love; the experiences; the sex and the life of everyone who went before me.

I just don't think I can put myself through it all again.

But I'm only 42. If feels sad to be saying 'that's it' so soon.

I’m sorry to hear that you are on your own today

Hey don't give up if you want to meet someone! This is my 8th year single and I look back and wish I'd been single at 42 rather than my now, 59. Having said that, like you I'm very used to being single and there's much about it I wouldn't change and won't compromise on.

Happy Christmas OP

Awww op. I'm 38 and single after abusive husband moved out earlier this year.

I get where you are coming from. I haven't had much luck with relationships and do feel like I'll never meet anyone I like. It's hard to look at a future and think of growing old alone. I wish I could be like some of the women I read about on mn who love being single and happy to live alone. I don't know how to get to that point. But it would make my life a damn sight easier if I could stop hoping to meet that special someone.

Sending you hugs and strength. Hopefully things will change for the better for both of us in the new year. Xx

Thanks!

I know it sounds like a bit of a one person pity party. I'm not actually sad about being single today - I have my children and the animals around me but there is a part of me that just feels very alone.

I think I generally am one of those people who are happy being alone and I am happy living alone. It's just at those times when I realise/remember/admit that it's not really a choice I have made. I suppose it's the sense of having lost a bit of hope really.

My mum and dad split up at around the same age I am now. My mum was single for 6 months, in high demand and hasn't been single since. My dad met an OW and was with her until he died. My ex met an OW and they are still together and happy.

I don't begrudge any of them their happiness! I wouldn't have wanted my exh to stay with me out of 'duty'. I suppose I just wonder what is so wrong with me that I can't find the same.

My children tell me they love me but I also know that they pity me - which is awful. I don't have many friends and no presents to open... you know, it's just a bit shit. That's all.

Forgotmycoat here's hoping!

I am being honest though, I don't know how I would stand up to the comparison with previous 'loves'.

I don't really expect to be loved - but kindness, companionship and loyalty would go a long way right now!

It concerns me that I wouldn't be able to match up to women they'd been in relationships before.

I don't know how other people cope with that.

On the rare occasions I meet a man I find attractive; I then discover he's already married; have a brief moment of, "oh, what a shame" and then realise it's probably for the best anyway.

There are about 3 men I've met over the past year who I'd have been interested in getting to know better had they been single. But then I realise this would have been a big stumbling block every time.

7th Christmas alone here too OP. I am very early 30's but I know that's it for me . My ds cried tears of joy when he saw his presents and is very happy so that's my Christmas done. Until next Christmas
Merry Christmas everyone

I'm 35 and been single (bar the odd short thing) since I left exH over ten years ago.

That's so lovely, youaremyworstmistake.

Mine are a bit old for that but we're eating bacon and egg sandwiches and watching The Good Place until it's time for Christmas dinner later.

It's not all bad

Merry Christmas

Gimme How do you feel about that? Being single since your mid 20s feels such a long time!

Yes, I've had short flings too but no one worth introducing to my life properly.

I was lucky. I went to visit friends and on the way, had to pass the house of a distant male relative whose dw had left him six months previously. He was angry and sad. I dropped in on impulse, and 16 years later we're still together.

@Singlenotsingle that's a Lovely story
@MulledWineAndCamembert thank you it was nice to see him happy. I am unmotivated to do anything so I am in bed

I'm thrilled to be on my own, the men in my life have been disapointing and a waste of space. It starts well then they all seem to want a maid and a sex doll.
Can't be bothered anymore. I have my cat and a wonderful adult son.
My friend your age OP has just had a baby on her own by donor, she's fed up with men too and has decided to have her family on her own.
Trouble is there are no princes out there only frogs when you get older and I'm not prepared to compromise and take a man who isn't worthy of me.
I'd just relax, have fun with friends, build your own life and see what happens.

Wow, singlenotsingle, that's an amazing story!! If I were to meet someone, that's the sort of thing I'd want to happen.

youaremyworstmistake that doesn't sound quite so good...

madcatlady Same here. I would just like to be loved. Just once. Just so I know what it's like!

I have my own life; I have hobbies; I do stuff. It's just that which is missing really.

13th Christmas on my own - a cheery wave from me!

Hen

I'm 28 and I've also been single since 2012! It's actually quite depressing. I'm generally happy and I keep busy with work, hobbies and spending time with my child.

I've done the independent woman thing for too long now. I enjoyed it for the first few years but I really want to meet someone now.

Spending Christmas alone with my child, it really hits home how lonely I am.

No advice but I just wanted to say I understand how you feel.

Thanks, Slowly.

You sound similar to me. I'm not sitting at home every night bored and lonely - I go out and meet people; do hobbies; work; do stuff with the children.

I think the difference is that, when I was in my 20s, I still felt like there was time, you know? Like it could happen. Now I've crossed from my late 30s single to my early 40s whilst single and it feels like there's less and less hope with each passing year.

Are you me?
I'm 41 and my ex left Xmas 2011. Single with teen kids. Ex only sees 2 out of 3 kids once a fortnight and I can't see how somebody would possibly fit in our family bubble but it seems so young to say I'm single forever.

Merry Xmas to you OP.

I was a single parent for years and years. Got to the stage where I thought I would never meet anyone and I was okay with that. Somehow this year I have met the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I am 42. There is hope

Eight Xmas on my own. 44 now. Saw my parents for a couple of hours today. Haven't had a date in over 7 years. No kids (never wanted any). I've given up.

I think I'm with you, ShatnersWig.

golden my exh isn't too bad. He has the children occasionally over the Christmas period but only in the daytime so that it doesn't impact on his social life...

That's lovely, Billy!

7th for me too! And I'm older than you so probably no hope!

It concerns me that I wouldn't be able to match up to women they'd been in relationships before.

There's something wrong with this thinking op.

When you meet someone right for you it isn't a contract. It's someone you like and want to spend time with; it's easy and natural. It's a different land from previous relationships.

springydaff

I do get that. I've never actively 'compared' previous partners. But I can objectively say who I had better sex with; who was kinder; who was more fun; who was better looking...

I just hate the thought of failing badly.

As I said, there's something so wrong with your thinking..

This looks like therapy territory. It looks like you have a core belief that is seriously askew xx