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Original poster

Online guy seems lukewarm - still go on a first date or not?

48 replies

Borelis · 25/12/2018 00:26

Hi,
I guy messaged me online on a dating app 2 weeks ago - had a lot of the intro talk - hobbies, career, where we live etc etc

The convo lasted for 2 hours-ish by which time it was close to midnight so had to go to sleep. The next day he also initiated conversation but was busy with work commitments.

Then nothing for 3 days (which was very odd for me as usually I get a lot of attention from interested guys). I texted him (first time I initiated) asking if his project is all done? He replied within 10 mins that he'll be submitting it tomorrow so just doing the last bits on it - then got into slightly flirty talk and general catch up of the last few days - he seemed quite involved in the convo - about 1-2 hours in, I told him that I'd let him get on with the last bits for his project - he said ok and that he'd speak to me "in a bit".... That was ~ 5 days ago and no word from him since - he does not seem to be online constantly (only 3 times or so in a whole day) and does have a busy job (apparently including weekend work) and is also studying part time... BUT I've never ever been not contacted by an interested guy for 5 whole days - at most it'd be a day if they were super busy.

It's odd as it seemed he was interested as he initiated the first convo on the dating site and he's the one who asked for my number and he's the one who's mentioned us going on a date without me asking so I don't know what to think... If he contacts me this week and wants to go on a date, should I go or not?

On one hand, I feel almost offended and insulted by how little communication efforts he's making - I know other guys who'd send me over 50 texts per day right from the start of the relationship so finding his lack of effort off-putting - almost as if he's seeing other women too. On the other hand, he does sound very busy with work and uni so I really don't know and it seems as if he's very involved in our convos.

Would you go on a first date with a guy who hasn't initiated contact for 5 days? I feel like it's bound to mean I'm either the rebound or he's put me as low priority even before meeting me so seems a waste of time for me to meet up for a first date with him. Is there any point in going on a first date with him if he mentions it again? or could I be missing out by not going?

Has anyone had a slow rubbish start to a relationship like this and it has worked out? I don't see it happening tbh.

Thank you

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 25/12/2018 00:33

No lovely, I personally wouldn’t Flowers

sunsetheaven · 25/12/2018 00:39

My goodness, I mean this in the nicest possible way, but I think you need to calm down! I’d be totally overwhelmed by so many messages. And I’m used to getting a lot of attention as well. I’d wait for him to instigate messaging again. How old are you btw?

Tryingbutfailingmiserably · 25/12/2018 00:43

I would be telling him to run for the hills. Why shouldn't he be seeing other women at this point?

Beansandcoffee · 25/12/2018 00:48

He is behaving perfectly normal. He doesn’t know you so why text 50plus Times a day. Why don’t you suggest going for a lunchtime coffee.

PolkaDoting · 25/12/2018 01:52

You can’t tell till you’ve met him.

I would run a mile from someone who sent me 50 messages in a day.

Of course he may well be seeing other people. Why would he not at this stage?

Noteverythingisabingthing · 25/12/2018 02:00

I think you are being a bit over the top/intense. When I did online dating, if someone behaved like you are doing, expecting loads of texts, writing a big post on a forum about me before we have even met etc I would be freaked out and run a mile (obv he doesn't know you have posted here... I hope). Just chill out, message him and see if he fancys a drink, if he is still not bothered about you, leave it at that.

SuchAToDo · 25/12/2018 02:09

Let's get all the facts

*You don't know him in real life,

*you know him from a dating app two weeks ago

*Your first conversation lasted two hours and then three days went by with no contact

*You contacted him and you spoke for 1-2 hours and then haven't heard anything for five days

So you have had two conversations with the bloke and you are expecting him to be texting up to 50 times a day...if he's not contacting you he's probably not interested in you and is just too polite to say so...

Also you are coming across as obsessed and a bit of a bunny boiler, the way you are sounding in your op i wouldn't blame the guy if he ran for the hills...two conversations and you are already accusing him in your post on here of messaging other women...so what if he is?...you are not in a relationship with him...you only had two conversations with him Hmm

jessstan2 · 25/12/2018 02:15

You don't actually know this guy, please don't put all your eggs in one basket. You're getting upset for nothing.

He'll probably message you after Christmas and if you both want to meet up then, do so. However don't invest so much in a relationship that, so far, is only online.

Have a good Christmas.

Reflexella · 25/12/2018 02:59

Mate, the following is said kindly...

He’s not going to be in contact he’s done a gentle let down manoeuvre.

I’d be moving on to the next one, I don’t like limping text contact. Be in control, find someone who’s a little less busy.

OldWomanSaysThis · 25/12/2018 04:29

I think you are getting ahead of yourself.

Punto1 · 25/12/2018 04:34

I wouldn't be too worried about him to be honest. I've had so many, and we can chat for 4 hours, then you never hear from them again lol. Strange. But the sea is wide haha. I've usually forgotten about them if no contact for a few days, as there's usually a few in contact all the time.

primoestate · 25/12/2018 04:39

But he hasn't asked you on a date.......

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 25/12/2018 04:43

I hate texting. Can't be bothered with long conversations and would rather meet. Maybe he is the same?

Notquiteagandt · 25/12/2018 04:47

Referring to it as a relationship is very ahead of your self.

Also this time of year is super busy for everyone. Cut him a break.

Another tbat would see 50plus msg a day as a redflag. Would seem super needy to me and a huge turn off.

Also id calm down checking when he waslast online as sounds like only causing you anguish.

SunnySideUpX · 25/12/2018 09:26

Wow, slow down! He hasn't even asked you on a date...
The beauty of online dating is that you can chat to/date multiple people until you find someone you have a connection with. Keep your options open, it sounds like he (rightly) has.

Honestly, I would delete his number so that you aren't constantly checking when he's online. If he wants to contact you (this is a busy time for everyone) then he can.

AlwaysSomethingThere · 25/12/2018 09:38

I wouldn't be giving my number to someone I've never met to be honest. Just stick to the dating app for messages and exchange personal details after you've actually had a date.

Punto1 · 25/12/2018 09:48

It's easy to block someone, so no problem with giving number out.

Eatsleepworkrepeat · 25/12/2018 09:55

It doesn't sound like you're looking for the same thing, you want someone who's got time for you and he's either not that interested or has too much on his plate already. Move on!

whytcp · 25/12/2018 09:58

50 texts a day would make my run for the hills

ChristmasFluff · 25/12/2018 10:06

It seems like you are looking for a texty penpal rather than a boyfriend - because otherwise the relationship hasn't even started. Why would he pursue someone he doesn't know? Why are you emotionally investing in someone you don't know?

It would really help you to think of dating apps as an introduction service - use them to MEET people. All the texting and phonecalling gives both a false sense of security, and the impression you are getting to know someone - when actually you are 'pre-dating'.

Next time someone 'mentions' going on a date, pin that down and get dating. Or ask for a date yourself, just coffee or something, within a day of messaging.

Otherwise you can spend a lot of time on men who just want the ego-stroke of messaging, and are never going to want anything more.

SparklyMagpie · 25/12/2018 10:10

Bloody hell, slow down

With OLD you have to get used to situations happening like this

Loka123 · 25/12/2018 15:57

Thanks for the replies so far but my question was primarily is this normal behaviour from someone who's interested? I've done the online dating for years and I've NEVER had anyone keep mentioning/hinting at a date whilst not initiating contact for several days in between - the ones who do that usually never ask about meeting up.

Also, it may be unclear but he initiated chat twice (the first time and the day after too) and then I initiated the next time (after 3 days of silence) and then now nothing.

I just wanted to know IF anyone has experienced something similar but ended up eventually going on a date and things changed for the better after that? i.e. more consistent contact? As in, is he going days without contact since we haven't met yet so it's unnecessary as some of you have mentioned OR is this a classic keep me on the back burner move? I've literally never come across this which is why I'm asking.

Usually they're either full on and really keen on meeting or we have one convo which doesn't go amazingly (no flow etc) and no mention of going on a date is mentioned by the guy and it ends there.

Tryingbutfailingmiserably · 25/12/2018 16:00

Oh for goodness sake..... why dont YOU ask him on a date then you will know for sure. You are massively overthinking this and TBH sound a bit over invested

Youbrokemytwatometer · 25/12/2018 16:35

Is this the same guy you posted about last week, the one you wanted to add you on Facebook?

subspace · 25/12/2018 16:36

He's busy, it's Christmas, his work/study is full on, he's not a texter, somebody he hasn't even met isn't his #1 priority, and he hasn't been sent the Loka123 rider operating manual so probably thinks you're just not that into him if you're not really initiating conversations.

Ask him out for a drink - by suggesting a date/time/place and chill out, not everybody texts at 50+ per day! Xmas Shock xxx

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