Online guy seems lukewarm - still go on a first date or not?

[Borelis]

Hi,
I guy messaged me online on a dating app 2 weeks ago - had a lot of the intro talk - hobbies, career, where we live etc etc

The convo lasted for 2 hours-ish by which time it was close to midnight so had to go to sleep. The next day he also initiated conversation but was busy with work commitments.

Then nothing for 3 days (which was very odd for me as usually I get a lot of attention from interested guys). I texted him (first time I initiated) asking if his project is all done? He replied within 10 mins that he'll be submitting it tomorrow so just doing the last bits on it - then got into slightly flirty talk and general catch up of the last few days - he seemed quite involved in the convo - about 1-2 hours in, I told him that I'd let him get on with the last bits for his project - he said ok and that he'd speak to me "in a bit".... That was ~ 5 days ago and no word from him since - he does not seem to be online constantly (only 3 times or so in a whole day) and does have a busy job (apparently including weekend work) and is also studying part time... BUT I've never ever been not contacted by an interested guy for 5 whole days - at most it'd be a day if they were super busy.

It's odd as it seemed he was interested as he initiated the first convo on the dating site and he's the one who asked for my number and he's the one who's mentioned us going on a date without me asking so I don't know what to think... If he contacts me this week and wants to go on a date, should I go or not?

On one hand, I feel almost offended and insulted by how little communication efforts he's making - I know other guys who'd send me over 50 texts per day right from the start of the relationship so finding his lack of effort off-putting - almost as if he's seeing other women too. On the other hand, he does sound very busy with work and uni so I really don't know and it seems as if he's very involved in our convos.

Would you go on a first date with a guy who hasn't initiated contact for 5 days? I feel like it's bound to mean I'm either the rebound or he's put me as low priority even before meeting me so seems a waste of time for me to meet up for a first date with him. Is there any point in going on a first date with him if he mentions it again? or could I be missing out by not going?

Has anyone had a slow rubbish start to a relationship like this and it has worked out? I don't see it happening tbh.

Thank you

Usually when I'm chatting to guys online, we talk about how they find the dating site. Every single one of them says that there are some crazy women out there. I think I've just spotted my first.
Honey, you are nothing to him yet. You haven't even met! And you sound terribly conceited with 'usually I get loads of attention'.

If it's attention you're after, maybe he's not the right one for you.

I also mean this comment kindly... I think you have a very high opinion of yourself and are getting caught up in a game of "why is he the only guy in the world that isn't already in love with me".

You've not met, he will be talking to others and may have clicked with someone a lot more than you. Calm it down and let him go. If he was genuinely interested, he would have pursued.

Yes, conceited is the right word to
Describe you op unfortunately.

You sound very full of yourself in your opening op.

Not appealing really.

Move on to one of the men who gives you loads of attention. No idea why you're wasting time on this one if he isn't giving you what you want.

hellonheels methinks the ego has been dented and getting him back on the hook would restore the status quo.

If he was interested, he would ask you for a date. He's obviously not interested which you've realised and you seem to be having a hard time accepting that. You can't know someone from a couple of calls but sometimes you can know if you don't want to pursue something.

You've done OLD for years.....

We'll clearly something with the other men who texted you at least 50times a day, didn't work.

Cool your jets. Ask him for a drink. Take it from there.

OMG! At last someone who is as mental and as intense as me. My excuse though is that l had never done OLD so when l did l was clueless but you say you have done it for years. Hasn't it taught you that there are no rules/ no norms? You're dealing with strangers. You sound over invested already. No criticism. I get ahead of myself just seeing one pic of a guy but maybe you need to be aware that this has more to do with you than him. He is just acting like any non committed OLD guy and you will just be one of many that he might be chatting to.

How well did your previous dates work out since you’re still online dating?

Try something new and sounds like this guy has a new approach. Ask him on a date and if he says no or fobs you off, delete his number. You can’t know what a person is like until you’ve met them in real life.

You sound a bit full-on ... no offence meant whatsoever!

Shit, sorry, posted too soon. It's a bit unfair to compare him to all the overly interested guys (which doesn't mean they're genuine, by the way).
I used to be in touch with a guy, who always expected long phone calls and messaging sessions. In the end, I let it go, as it seemed needy and was taking up too much of my time.
Why not send him a brief message, saying something along the lines of 'look, I know you're busy, but do you fancy a drink sometime or not?' Then you'll know if he wants to engage.

You sound a bit full of yourself ....you're offended and insulted ? Blimey give the guy a break and say no thanks.

What relationship? You've had a total of two phone calls and why shouldn't he see other women?

As for texting 50 times a day, its fucking ridiculous. No sane person would want or do that.

BUT I've never ever been not contacted by an interested guy for 5 whole days

But it doesn't sound like he is interested in you, hence no contact - I appreciate it must be a huge blow to your inflated ego.

Agree with others, he doesn't sound interested. Maybe it's you hes not into or maybe he's not looking for anything serious. You don't know him and he doesn't know you, so calm down. If he gets in touch, decide where to go from there.

Suggest meeting for an actual real life date. Coffee, drinks, whatever. If he doesn't fall over himself to agree a day/time with you, time to move on.

Constant communication shouldn't be used a positive yardstick. It's an artificial environment, particularly when you haven't met face to face yet.

Yes I would still meet him. Him not having the time to text a stranger 50+ times a day suggests that he might have other interests outside of flirting with someone he's just met online. That is definitely what I was after! Would you rather have someone who's only interested in the initial buzz of texting?

@chatwoo

When you write the book on online dating, be sure to include that last paragraph!
Never a truer word said!

@Dieu haha thanks

Sounds like the guys had a lucky escape. You sound very full of yourself and very intense. Do you turn bunny boiler when a relationship ends?

It’s Christmas, people are busy with friends and family, not folk they’ve been chatting to online and never met.

Maybe, as you’ve been online dating for years, take a step back and look at why none of these hundreds of men that are evidently falling over themselves to date you haven’t stuck around?

Give the poor bloke a break, it’s Christmas, and you should not be the top of his agenda

I wouldn't bother as it's an online dating site, loads of distraction to make you forget him. Yes, people are different and see things in differently. Keep your options open, as the biggest mistake is to get used to someone too quickly in a platform as a dating site. Chat to other men (but 50 texts a day sounds spooky though), whenever he turns up for a chat or two, don't ask him where he's been, give him the impression that he isn't the only dude on the platform. Do not come across as needy. I get your frustration.

Who the fuck cares whether this is 'normal behaviour'? It obviously doesn't work for you so just move on to the next one!

Another nugget for the book OLD, remember 'dick is abundant and of low value'

whenever he turns up for a chat or two, don't ask him where he's been, give him the impression that he isn't the only dude on the platform.

Yes, this. For gods sake don’t quiz him or give him a hard time about not being in constant contact with you.

Christmas is such an incredibly busy time and it is so difficult to speak to all of the friends and family as much as they all deserve.

There is zero spare time at this time of year for most people.

Why on earth would you expect to be a priority to some guy who has shown a mild interest in you via OLD?

Are you honestly this self absorbed that you can’t imagine him being incredibly busy even if he is still interested in going on a date with you at a later point???