Is it always a bad thing to rarely argue with your partner?

[Summersun111]

On the back of another thread and also comments from a member of my family...

I have been with my partner 4 years and I admit it's very rare that we argue, very occasional disagreements where we might both get a bit snappy with each other but generally we talk it through and the issue is resolved.

I've heard a lot that people say when couples don't argue it's because they don't care enough about each other or they do not feel secure enough in the relationship to argue without fear of losing the other person.

I don't know is it always a bad thing not to argue? Any positive stories please?

Disclaimer: I know I shouldn't judge my relationship from other people's comments or experiences, I am confident that we are both very happy and do care an awful lot about each other!

I hardly ever argue with my husband. We just get on very well. I don’t see how that’s a bad thing.

The kind of person who says lack of arguments means a lack of passion/love is the kind of person I’ve avoided like the plague.

I'm the same as you. I don't argue with my husband because we have very similar opinions on many things, and we are both able to admit when we are wrong. Many a time I have worked myself up thinking we are going to have a big row and he just deflates my anger with a sincere apology and something to fix whatever made me angry.

We've been married years and rarely argue. We're like you, have disagreements but talk them out.

Same here. Never really argued. Disagreements and discussions yes. We're adults.

We've been together 11 years and never argue as such- never raised voices or thinking the other person is being unfair etc. We respect each other too much for that. I'm not really an argumentative type and although we say when we disagree it never gets out of hand or lasts long enough to be classified an 'argument'.

We've been married 28 years & we just don't argue. Yes we have the occasional disagreement but they are quickly resolved. DH's parents were exactly the same. Mine, on the other hand have fought constantly but are still married after nearly 60 years.

Together 20 years, think we’ve had one argument in that time, and even that wasn’t really an argument. We don’t always agree, but we don’t argue. We love each other very much.

I don’t argue with my man - we do have differences of opinions on some things . As with telling off children ‘ all the time ‘ pick your battles would be my take on life .

An argument isn’t the same as a row or a fight. It’s possible to have an argument without effing and blinding / raising your voice but it is still an argument!

It’s utter bollocks

I've heard a lot that people say when couples don't argue it's because they don't care enough about each other or they do not feel secure enough in the relationship to argue without fear of losing the other person.

What a load of utter bollox. We never argue, not for the reasons above but because we are emotionally mature adults and respect each other's right to have an opinion that may differ from our own. We discuss, disagree, agree to differ and compromise, we don't argue, bicker or fight.

Lots of people saying something doesn't make it true, otherwise the earth would be flat and the queen would be a shape-shifting alien lizard.

Take no notice. It's just something argumentative couples say to make themselves feel better. I'm sure people will be along soon with made up examples of couples they know who never argued and whose marriage was DOOMED.

We rarely argue, and been together 10 years. When we first got together I told him that I didn't do passive aggressive bullshit like my previous partner had, so if I had a problem with something I would try and talk to him rationally about it rather than either losing my shit, or giving him the silent or gaslighting treatment my ex used to give me.

It's worked well so far , if either of us are angry we can usually explain why and discuss it in a calm manner.

I had a friend when I was younger who seemed to think that having an argumentative boyfriend was the sign of deep and lasting passion. To be honest, she was a fucking idiot.

We used to argue but it's very rare these days, mostly I think because we've both grown up and learnt to communicate properly with each other. Doesn't feel like a bad thing to me, quite the reverse! All credit to you if you've reached this point sooner and with less difficulty than we did, it took us 15 years

It is bullshit.

Here's a card from the Freedom Programme that you can give your friends who spout this crap.

Happy holidays.

Yeah, I think it is a myth. I am quite perplexed by the level of arguing and rage some people think is acceptable. You don’t have to agree on things either, just be able to compromise or accept differences.

I think at the start of living together, you can have a bit of storming. But at some point you need to own the choice of person and mutual lifestyle.

We never argue. We're both quite easy going and hate upsetting the other. We're perfectly happy.

the queen would be a shape-shifting alien lizard

See, I was with you up until you wrecked your credibility with this. We all know when the current overlord returns to Yuggoth, its carapace will split asunder and billions of tiny beetles will fly out. Charles, having been skipped for not taking the initiative to eat her dedicated husk sooner, looks on with his eye-clusters as Wilhelm dissolves and consumes the remains. 1,000 more years of terror!

@showmeshoyu
Fuck I hope you’re on the wrong thread!

DP and I have been together for over 6 years and we hardly ever argue. We get on really well, laugh a lot and he is the kindest, most supportive man imaginable.

I was in a bad marriage for years with a very critical and controlling man and for the first couple of years in my new relationship I kept waiting for the bomb to off, to be told that I was fat, or stupid, or a terrible mother, or mad and should be sectioned. It never happened. Even if he's annoyed with me or I'm irritated with him, we'll just say so straight out and we'll talk it through and resolve it with humour and no stress.

He's never said a single nasty or unkind word to me. I now know that this is what a good, healthy relationship should be.

No, not at all.

DP and I have been together 7 years and have argued once. We’ve bickered, or had disagreements more often, but only once actually argued.

Never name called or sworn at each other, just the once it got a bit heated (I raised my voice and he responded - both of us hated it and decided it would never, ever happen again).

So now we make an effort to talk about irritations before they become anything big.

Together thirteen years, rarely argue, get on very well. We might bicker a bit when tired or stressed, but I can't remember when we last really argued - it's been years. Neither of us like arguing and find it very weird when people do - to me that's the sign of a bad relationship, not a good one.

Oh and the “without fighting there’s no passion” advocates are talking shite too

We don't argue. We bicker about unimportant things but we generally agree or compromise on fundamental things. We never get personal and insult each other even if there is a bit of difference of opinion.