Is it always a bad thing to rarely argue with your partner?

[Summersun111]

On the back of another thread and also comments from a member of my family...

I have been with my partner 4 years and I admit it's very rare that we argue, very occasional disagreements where we might both get a bit snappy with each other but generally we talk it through and the issue is resolved.

I've heard a lot that people say when couples don't argue it's because they don't care enough about each other or they do not feel secure enough in the relationship to argue without fear of losing the other person.

I don't know is it always a bad thing not to argue? Any positive stories please?

Disclaimer: I know I shouldn't judge my relationship from other people's comments or experiences, I am confident that we are both very happy and do care an awful lot about each other!

I think you are taking it out of context. Some people that don't argue and split was because they don't care enough. It does not mean that if you don't argue you don't care. Clearly it is an ideal not to argue, but it was not the same context in the other thread as what you are saying.

Together 4 years. Never had an argument. Maybe we would if we had kids or something but as it stands we don't tend to get stressed out at the same time. So if one of us is stressed and short the other one can be patient and reassuring rather than short back if you see what I mean.

Neither DP nor I really argue with anyone, though, so it's just a reflection of our personalities. I never really argued with previous DP and they were a bona fide arsehole

Lots of positive stories including mine but as we know from threads on here there are a lot of relationships where people are treading on eggshells afraid to upset their partner.
I guess it depends on why a couple rarely argue.

I met dh 18 years ago, and I think we've had less than 5 arguments ever in that time, and one of those was over a sofa. (In the end we got the one he wanted, and now he has agreed I was right ha!)

We talk things through. We have annoyed each other, but both of us in the face of our partners upset, react to try and understand their point of view, and work out a way to fix it. That we both act like this means neither feels we are being treated badly, and upset rarely boils over into an argument.

I bloody love the man.

I think it very much depends on why you're not arguing.

Because you're afraid of conflict so you just go along with anything to keep the peace = yes

Because you can talk things through without descending into argument = no

Personally I rarely argue with DH. I do argue with other people but not him, we generally talk things through we just don't have a shouty relationship. Maybe a bit sulky sometimes but generally we just get on and don't have that sort of dynamic.

We have disagreements over things, so I guess you can call that an argument.

As rational adults able to manage our emotions, we manage to be able to work it through without it descending into chaos. If anything, I'd say we're much more careful not to explode because we care so much. Things said in the 'heat of passion' whether true or not, can be incredibly damaging and you can't Un say it

I think it depends on the context. Never ever having a disagreement is probably not a sign of a healthy relationship. Never having screaming fights where you call each other names, a very good thing.

My dh and I disagree with each other and get grumpy with each other, but I can count on probably two hands the number of actual arguments we’ve had in 10 years. We just tend to talk things through like grown ups and not be assholes. But I would say most of those have only been since having children, so if you are early enough in your relationship and have no dc, your arguments are probably just still to come!

My mum and stepdad on the other hand never really argue (of course, they also don’t have small children either!), but it’s mostly because my mum is a people pleaser to such an extreme degree that she will never disagree with him. That’s probably not healthy though it works for them.

Lots of positive stories including mine but as we know from threads on here there are a lot of relationships where people are treading on eggshells afraid to upset their partner.
I guess it depends on why a couple rarely argue.

Very good point.

I pick fights when I have pmt but aside from that I've had very few arguments with dp (all his fault)

DH and I rarely argue, but when we do it’s fucking epic.
It’s got to be something major that causes a real arguement between us - like when he did something very stupid with money that wasn’t his and I could have murdered him there and then
We have the usual bickers like most couples but other than getting a bit snippy with each other, it doesn’t escalate into an arguement.
We’ve been together 7 years, married for 4.

I can categorically sayim not afraid to upset my husband, that's why we have disagreements. We'll happily call each other out if needs be but don't argue about it. As I said above, we talk things through with the odd eyeroll from both of us That said, my mother is a walker on eggshells sometimes to not upset the apple cart.

We don't argue we've been together about 10 years.
We disagree sometimes but that's fine, you don't have to agree all the time and we agree to disagree or find a middle way. We don't start arguing.

My parents didn't argue and while I think his mum was quite fiesty I never saw her argue with his dad.

A lot of this is learnt > how to "do" relationships. Neither of us had arguing / or shouting / or sulking modelled for us as ways to do it when we were kids.

I have a friend whose parents were v drunk and fought and argued all the time,she says it has messed up her expectations, she reads arguing and figting as passionate and exciting and most of her exes have been utter bastards.

I agree about the eggshells point but for lots of people it's just not how we are I suppose often mainly through upbringing.

Also, I agree with the sentiments of showmeshoyu all hail the overlords

I argue with my DH all the time but I haven't never heard him shout in all the time we have been together. There is a difference between arguing and rowing

I also have a frined who is a sulker and has sulked and not talked to her except for via the kids for over a week.

Fuck that.

Very rarely argue, maybe three actual rows as in angry and raised voices, in the 18 years we've been together.

We do t agree on everything by all means but we're both adults and talk like grown ups, we care about each other enough to not want to repeat the behaviour of both sets of our parents.

My Parents split when I was 3 and I remember constant shouting and rowing and Dad storming out. Sitting on stairs crying. My Mam was gobsmacked when I told her some of the rows and what Dad was wearing and things he said and did because she though she'd hidden it from me and assumed I was so young I'd forget.

Her second husband nothing but rows after a year either.

Her third husband , very rarely rows and they've been together 18 years now too.

Dhs parents very similar stories.

I can't actually think of a couple I know in real life who argue all the time and are happy or haven't split.