Leaving my DH Boxing Day

[newuser12]

Just that really 9 years of being together I cannot take it no more please tell me being single is easier

Fenellasredvelvetdress
I get where you're coming from and agree she should stay in the house.

The bit that worries me about your post is the rolling pin and mace part.

A man in full anger rage and attack is far stronger than a women and there is no way of defending yourself.

Many many women have been rightly and justifiably of the opinion that they would be able to fight back.
When a man attacks you it is so painful and there s no chance of winning.

Hit him with the rolling pin and see what he does back.
Sorry, I'm not against your advice or you , i was of the same opinion in the past and i really wish I didn't now know better.

Don't pick up a rolling pin or any weapon. He will grab it and use it on you and he won't stop.

Just get out.

read this thread now and call Women's Aid tomorrow

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/936487-For-anyone-desperate-to-leave-an-abusive-relationship-but-reluctant

You are so brave OP. I hope Boxing Day goes to plan x

Thank you everyone I will catch up properly tomorrow I just can't read properly atm so much going on in my mind and I'm so scared of what happens now x

Poor you. Well, I am glad your name's on the mortgage. You can also go to a family court and file for occupation and non molestation order. Keep those evidence out of his reach. Your children will be much better off without an abusive dad on the scene. Most of the time the police does nothing when it comes to domestics but once you have the above mentioned order served, that way, you have the utmost power to restrain him anywhere near the house. Thinking of you, I'm sure you'll come out of this an even stronger person.

Go to the police with your photos

Call Women's Aid. 0808 2000 247.

Leave a message as they probably will not pick up the phone when you call. Leave a number and a time when they can call back safely.

You can get a non-molestation order and an occupation order from the courts.

Women's Aid can help you do this. You will need to do what Pallisers suggested upthread, and record the abuse with the police.

The non-molestation order will basically tell your H that he cannot go near you or try to contact you or send any of his friends or family to try to contact you.

The occupation order will set forth who can live in the house and who cannot. This should secure your home for you.

If H tries to contact you after the orders have been served then you for your part MUST contact the police immediately, and he can be charged with breach of whatever order he has breached. You will be a priority for the police. You must commit to making the call if he breaches an order.

LOG OFF MUMSNET WHEN YOU ARE FINISHED WITH A SESSION AND CLEAR YOUR HISTORY.

Why don't you just report the violence to the Police and they should issue him with a Domestic Violence Protection Order. This specifies that he has to stay away for x amount of days with immediate affect.

Make sure you keep your evidence safe. Email copies to yourself or a trusted third party.
Please contact Woman's Aid for full advice.
You are absolutely doing the right thing for you and your kids but please please stay safe.
Keep posting on here for support.

Call Women’s Aid they are amazingly helpful. Or call the police and book an appointment to see someone, either they will come to you or you can go to them.
They can help guide you in getting him out legally very quickly and keep him out.

You can apply yourself to court to get him out with orders to stay away from you.

Physical evidence of abuse is helpful as it will get people able to help you.

It is easier, it is better you will be happier. Initially it will be tough, but you have support systems please use them.

*Why are you leaving him?

Throw the bastard out!

Get the locks changed.

Phone the police and ask for someone to come round as you want to press charges-show them the folder.

Phone women’s aid and get some help.

Get this evil shitty excuse for a man out of your life.

You need to get on official record what he has put you through.

He shouldn’t be allowed unsupervised access to the children. Men like this cannot be trusted with kids - they use them in heinous ways to ‘ get back’ at the mother of their children.*

This

What everyone else says plus back up the photo folder to an online storage, Google photos or the cloud in case your phone goes missing.

So sorry you are dealing with this but glad you are leaving to protect yourself and children. You WILL have a better life and be happier away from this man. If he hurts you he cant love you and you need to remember that. Break free from old patterns as its all you know isnt it? Real love is about respect and care for the other person and you’ll find that in time. If you had stayed, your DD would learn that relationships are abusive and that you are punished for being “bad” and she will find a partner who can abuse her in same way - remember that when you feel low as it will give you strength. Get as much help and support as you can. Good luck brave lady

He is wrong when he says nobody cares.
Women's Aid will care.
The police will care.
We care.

You are doing the right thing by leaving. Nothing will get better if you stay.
Do you drive? Please stay sober tomorrow so you can drive you and the children away if he gets drunk. I'd love you to leave today in fact, it would be so much safer for you all.

Your plan to leave when he's not there to stop you is the best one by far IMO. I know sometimes the advice is not to leave the house because you may be perceived to have given up the right to live in it. I'm not sure how accurate that is in any case, but when there has been violence, staying put could be fatal. Bricks and mortar are no good to you if you're in hospital or worse.

Please go to the police and tell them all of this. You need their support

People will care, he only tells you that to keep you from leaving and telling people what a violent cunt he is.

Please leave.

I'd be cautious about leaving the property if it's in your sole name, it could take you longer (court process) to then get him to leave.

Phone women's aid as soon as you can they should help you with contacting the police and arranging a lock change. Make sure even if you plan to go to your Nan's that you have changed the locks. Hopefully there is enough evidence on your phone for the police to apply for a fast track injunction so he cannot come near the property or near you. Then chill out at your nans while you decide what you want longer term I.e return to house or sell and find somewhere else to start a new life.
You are 100% doing the right thing for you and your children, he will try and manipulate you particularly re. The children you need to block him so he can't contact you - let him go through the courts for supervised access to the children.

Good luck and stay strong

You need to involve the police in this. They will support you and your children. It's really important that you remember you are safeguarding yourself and your children. Who knows what will happen if you don't?

You've been so strong to get this far, and it's not easy leaving an abusive relationship, but you need to do it safely. Please call Women's Aid, they will be able to advise you how best to protect your family.

Try not to think about taking the children away from him, that's not what you are doing. You are protecting them. Both from seeing you hurt by their role model and perhaps by being hurt themselves in the future. In 5 years time, you could be another sad statistic and they could be left without a mother, but if you leave now, you could prevent that.

But seriously, leaving an abusive partner is tricky and you will need all the support you can get. You sound like you are in the right mindset and you have a lot of strength behind you.

you need to contact womens aid who will guide you and get police involved so they can help you if things get bad sending you hugs been in your position its scary but you can do it

Leave the house lovely, please please tell the police in advance so they can be there quickly if anything happens. They may send someone to support you just in case. The important thing is to get away from danger, who has the house is not important here, this is an abusive relationship so different rules apply. Do whatever you can to keep you and the kids safe xx

You need the support of the police OP. Seriously don't underestimate how this could go. If he has strangled you once he will do it again and in the scenario where he feels he has nothing to lose it could be fatal.

I had an ex that did this. I acted all cool as I feared for my life. The first chance I got, I packed up and moved out and that was the end of the relationship. They escalate. It's what they do. Know this. Knowledge is power. Good luck.

The police would come and supervise his leaving if you were to tell them everything.

Don’t you leave, throw him out, tell the police, change the locks.

I have no advice really, there a poster's here who have given you lots. But I do want to wish you all the luck in the world