Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP has just had a dig about my weight

29 replies

christmasfoof · 24/12/2018 00:36

We have a tumultuous relationship and things have been weird for a while- either really good or completely awful. We've both been drinking (separately) today. He's been vile since I got home and has just made a horrible comment about me taking up more room in the bed than him, amongst other things. He's referring to my weight gain since we got together. He's called me a gold digger! He's got fuck all! I'm laying in bed sobbing. I'm so sad.

OP posts:
ILoveChristmasLights · 24/12/2018 00:39

I’m sorry 💐

Why not treat yourself to a fab weight loss present for Christmas?

...ditch the wanker and lose 13 stone immediately.

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/12/2018 00:41
Flowers
tubspreciousthings · 24/12/2018 00:42

If he's that cruel/superficial I'd seriously think about getting rid of him. You don't deserve that.

Original poster
christmasfoof · 24/12/2018 00:46

Thanks. I'm just so shocked, I always moan about my weight, he knows how much it gets me down. But he normally tells I'm beautiful blah blah. It's hurt me so badly that he would say that to me. Out of all the things he's ever said and done, this just feels so cruel, I think we're over, I still just can't stop crying.

OP posts:
RagingWhoreBag · 24/12/2018 00:50

He sounds like a nasty prick.

The fact that he’s commenting on your appearance after a night out without you has made me think he’s comparing you to someone else. Do you have suspicions in that department?

For me it would be a deal breaker. My DP and I have some god awful rows and sometimes say things that seem unforgivable - and yet we do forgive. I honestly think the one thing neither of us would ever forget is if it got personal about appearance. I can tolerate being told I’m many things, but fat or unattractive would crush me. even though I am fat and the same for him I think.

I’d see how he reacts in the morning but be very wary about him having his head turned if things have been weird for a while. Sorry SadFlowers

NoIAmSpartacus · 24/12/2018 00:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoIAmSpartacus · 24/12/2018 00:53

wtf didn't mean to type jockey?! autocorrect. anyway, he is a knob.

mooncuplanding · 24/12/2018 00:56

How big are you?

Its a really difficult one this because people's desires are affected by appearance. Awful, but true.

If you are just a bit overweight then he is being massively nasty and it's uncalled for, but if you are morbidly obese then it does affect many things, such as space, and when you live with someone, and I'll get flamed for this, it does matter

Original poster
christmasfoof · 24/12/2018 01:00

I'm a size 12. Was a 8-10 when we met. So not obese by any stretch.

OP posts:
Original poster
christmasfoof · 24/12/2018 03:14

I don't know what to do. I don't want to ruin Christmas for my son. But I don't want to forgive and forget either. This is so utterly shit.

OP posts:
Fontofnoknowledge · 24/12/2018 03:47

Then plaster on a smile and resolve to get shot of him in the NY.
Make it your new year resolution.

Agree with pp. There is no point in pretending weight/appearance doesn't matter. However what you describe is nothing for him to be rude about. (Actually there's never a time he can be rude even if you were morbidly obese)

He is being a twat.

MumsyP · 24/12/2018 04:02

A size 12 and he has the cheek to have a dig? You are beautiful the way you are, he's just looking for an excuse to start having an affair. Ditch him and he sure would be losing a goldmine. Stay strong and positive. Oh, and enjoy your Crimbo dinner without guilt, he's full of it.

Original poster
christmasfoof · 24/12/2018 08:49

I hope it's not that he's comparing me to someone he saw out. That would make it all the more hurtful tbh. I feel broken.

OP posts:
GemmeFatale · 24/12/2018 08:53

I presume he is truly an Adonis among men?

Singlenotsingle · 24/12/2018 08:53

Wish I was a size 12! Confused

HalfGreekBitch · 24/12/2018 09:00

He’s a nasty shit, don’t do anything rash, bide your time and leave when it suits you. You are in control of this. Get through xmas in the knowledge that you will bin this loser in the New Year and he won’t know what’s hit him. You had a drink and that makes you more emotional so make your plan with a clear head. Good luck.

pallasathena · 24/12/2018 09:02

He probably gets a thrill from having some power over you. The power to upset you and make you cry. If he's making these unfounded comparisons then he's either lining up a replacement or he's into porn.
You're worth more than this OP.

WanderingTrolley1 · 24/12/2018 09:05

He’s an arsehole. Get rid.

Isadora2007 · 24/12/2018 09:06

What’s going on that you are either all good or all bad? In the relationship I mean.
When people are drunk they say stuff that’s underlying their thoughts and though his comment was about your weight, it sounds like it is more about how you’ve changed- how things have changed?- since you first got together. You sound like you’ve both gotten into a horrible cycle of fighting but haven’t resolved actual issues. Try to take the focus off of what he said- and find out why he said it. That’s not to let him off the hook at all- explain how much his comment hurt and ask him did he mean to hurt you so much. If he says he didn’t- then ask him what he thinks it really is about and if he says yes then you’ve got your answer.
When you argue do you hurt him (with words!) too? You need to find a way to agree to change your communication. This can’t be good for your child to be living with parents who swing from one extreme to the other.

subspace · 24/12/2018 09:22

Do you want to stay with a partner who is vile to you when drunk?

Original poster
christmasfoof · 24/12/2018 09:41

I think he said it to hurt me and that's it. He knows I am really self conscious about my figure.

I don't see a way back from this.

I can't have sex with him again knowing he sees me as "bigger than him" - how could anyone lose themselves in the moment, thinking that their partner finds them big rather than sexy?! Nor am I going to put the effort in to lose weight for someone who has been so cruel! If I'm losing weight it will be for me and me alone.

OP posts:
buckingfrolicks · 24/12/2018 10:38

You're both hungover I think. Let it go. Sleep. Talk again this evening.

tubspreciousthings · 24/12/2018 12:07

OP I agree - this has had to come from somewhere and I wouldn't be able to stay with someone who deliberately tried to hurt me like that.

Original poster
christmasfoof · 24/12/2018 12:54

He's not even sorry... says it all really 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
GertrudeCB · 24/12/2018 13:08

He is a nasty shit and you're worth 100 of him Flowers

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.