Is anybody here no contact with parent(s)?

[Teeandee]

I've made the decision to cut all contact with my DM for the sake of my DC and my sanity. I was wondering if anybody else here has had to do the same with a parent or both parents? Did you find it easy, or regret it? Is your life better now?

She's pretty much the only family I have other than my partner and our DC so the prospect of 'having nobody' Is quite daunting but my mind is made up.

Yes I havent spoken to my mum in 2 years. life is better, although I do miss the help (4 kids and lone parent and she did help me out) I dont regret it.

I haven’t spoken to my parents in five years. There is a long running thread on here called something along the lines of “but we took you to stately homes” it’s full of people who are NC with their parents.

Yes, went NC with my mother 15 years ago. She had always disowned me, no mother daughter bond, no affection, no love. I did it for my own sanity. She’s never asked why / where I am since I went NC so guess I have my answer.

My Dad was never in my life (they split when I was very young). He got in touch when I turned 18 wanting to play Dad but it was too little too late for me. He never pursued it.

I’m in my 40’s now, have a little boy that neither have met or shown any interest in meeting.

Do what is right for you and your own sanity.

I went nc with my parents 25 years ago before Ds.

It still took me a long time for me not to want her to be the parent I wanted her to be.

I am now much happier and know it was the right decision

NC with both my mother and sister due to them being nasty racists. Mother was physically abusive when we were kids but were conditioned to believe it was a normal form of discipline so never questioned it. She was also manipulative and a bully.

Vile racist comments she made in front of my kids were the final straw. Cutting her out was the best thing I ever did. I was always on edge but far more relaxed now she's out of my life. I do miss my sister some times...she's easily manipulated by my mother so her views are parroted from our mother.

Ive been no contact with my for four months now after one of her particulaly low blows of insulting my special needs child.

Usually she will turn up at the houe after one of her tantrums, but hasn't this time and frankly I'm relieved she hasn't been. Not interested in get getting in contact again to be used as an emotional punch bag and, personal cash machine.

@CandyCreeper my DM would help me out with the DC too, then she got on the drink and I could no longer trust her to. Luckily I have my DP when hes not working but even so i do find it hard. I can imagine it must be very tough on your own with 4.

@Notwhoyouthink35 thank you I'll have a look at the thread. I've seen it mentioned before, usually in tandem with narcissistic parents and whilst I'm not completely sure my DM is a narc I'll probably benefit from the general gist of the thread.

@PaleRider1 I can relate to a lot of that. I never received any affection either and I believe that's why I have problems with intimacy and showing love now. My father has been absent my entire life, also.

@Starlight456 that is what I'm struggling with at the moment, I still want her to be the mother I need her to be, but have realised that she can't and won't so I need to stick to my guns.

@WatchingFromTheWings my 'd'm also has racist tendencies even though she gave birth to, and subsequently adopted out, my mixed raced brother. I hate that about her (and people in general) so I don't blame you for going no contact under those circumstances.

@Closetbeanmuncher that's disgusting, to insult a child with special needs. Your poor DC. I really hope the silence continues so you can continue to enjoy the peace without her vitrol.

It's helpful to know I'm not alone and not the only one with a terrible excuse for a mother, but I'm sorry that you ladies can relate

I have zero contact with mother and 2 sisters and a brother! Only contact with one sister. Made the decision with brother from early teens due to drugs/abuse. Cut all ties with mum and 2 sisters after they conspired to have my other sisters kids removed from her care after she was struggling following a divorce. If 'family' can do that, I decided I no longer want them as family.

I always say, just because your related, doesn't mean you have to love or like them!

My mother gave birth to me, but threw me out into the world and couldn't care less about her grandkids..... she loves cock more than her kids and I don't want that attitude around my children

My Dad left when I was 10. I think I saw him maybe three times in the next 11 years, nothing since I was 21. My mum and I are pretty much NC, have been for periods of time, but she creeps back in. I am much more settled when she is not on the radar. For some reason I am finding a total lack of extended family hard this year though. It doesn't usually bother me, but this year I feel very sad.

Yes I'm no contact but it was a last resort but now as time has passed i can see the chaos she caused using both my brothers to bully me for years to keep me in a place she saw fit . That place was with my husband who physically financially and psychologically abused me and my chikdren ( he wasn't violent to them). My mum wanted me to stay there vecause she did , my dad was the same . So rather than support me when i left him she discredited me even to my children as she was jealous, I did what she didn't. 10 years on she plays victim still, the story being ' I try so hard but she rejects me ' . I'm now free and don't doubt every decision I make. I believe I'm right have two amazing kids whose dad cabt be arsed to see, have a degree and live with an utter gentleman. She's bitter but I now feel confident and loved

@TomorrowsPrincess wow your poor dsis. With family like that who needs enemies. I hope shes doing better now? I wouldn't put something like that past my own mother and her sister. I feel uneasy about these people knowing any of my private life.

@GobblersKnob I can relate to feeling sad about not having the family thing. I should be grateful for my own little family (DP and DC) and I am, but it still hurts not having anybody you can turn to in your hour of need. I hope you've got some good friends to fill the gap this Christmas.

@Molly333 she should be ashamed of herself for pushing you to stay with your DC in an abusive relationship just because she did. I don't understand how women who've gone through DV (I have too) can be so nonchalant about it happening to other women, especially family, especially her own daughter. I'm so pleased that you did what was best for you and the DC and put them behind you. Good riddance to her

@Teeandee She's doing much better, still fighting to get her kids back but mentally she's in a much better place. This is my issue too..... I feel uneasy having such cruel people in my life, so I decided I didn't want them anywhere near me. I'd rather not drink tea with the devil!

@TomorrowsPrincess thats great and the very best of luck to her with her little ones, I have some experience of a close friend battling through the family court and it's a harrowing process. I'm with you %100 about not drinking tea with the devil. Wise move.

No, I want to lately but my children love them. I'm going to be trying to minimise contact in the new year though, really dreading the Xmas visit, so churned up and anxious after more revelations recently. One of my siblings is NC with them, and sadly more or less with the rest of us too. Their way of coping I guess.

Yes, no contact with mother and siblings, a decision I made a few years ago for the sake of my sanity, hope it works out for you OP

@TwistedStitch I hope Christmas goes as smoothly as possible. I can think of nothing worse than having to spend it with mine. I promptly cancelled a pre Christmas dinner as I was toying with the idea of going NC and I'm glad that I did. Sorry about your sister, I think unfortunately sometimes people see the family as a collective. I'm cutting out an aunt along with DM because they're very much a unit. Hopefully your sister comes around as you reduce your own contact with them.

@user764329056 I really admire those of you who've made up your mind and stuck to it. I've toyed with the idea before but always felt tremendously guilty (and a bit sorry for myself as I'd have nobody left) but I'm determined this time and hopeful I'll find my peace too.

Not yet OP. I’m already very LC with my DSis and after new year will be the same with my DF. The thought of it breaks my heart, particularly as he’s been relatively ok today. I’m close to my DB,SIL and DM. Although my issues with DM will need addressing at some point as I’m starting to realise she never protected me from the emotional abuse of my DF, I’m hoping we can get through that. I love my DF absolutely dearly but I’ve come to realise he’s cruel, manipulative and I’ve become responsible in my own head for his emotional well-being. I can’t do it any more, it makes me ill. I’m really sad after today because he’s been nice and reminded me how he can be when he decides to be. I feel a bit broken to be honest 😞

@JK1773 I'm sorry you're hurting there's been occasions (albeit few and far between) where I've felt the same, really sad and torn because my DM showed me a snippet of a better her - until she reverts to the 'real her' and I'm reminded why no contact is my only option in moving forward because like you said.. it makes you ill. Sending you strength as you move forward

@Teeandee thank you. I’m not good at all tonight to be honest

Youngest of five siblings here. NC with virtually all of them. Father left when I was 9, saw him a handful of times until I was 18 but no contact in any way for the last twenty years. Speak to my mother for literally five mins once a year on Christmas Day. Otherwise there is absolutely no contact of any kind the rest of the year.

Siblings all live in different continents and I dont live in the country I was born in either. Last saw my eldest brother 22 years ago. Next eldest I saw maybe 17 years ago. Third eldest I spoke to on the phone about 15 years ago. Fourth eldest, and only sister, I speak occasionally to on the phone. She ia an alcoholic, although a high functioning one, she has managed to hold down a very very demanding and stupidly well paid government job, while being permanently shit faced. Think I have only spoken to her once in the past ten years when she has been sober.

Never had any support or guidance growing up. It was an incredibly abusive atmosphere. Broken bones, stabbings (as in actual blood sprayed on the cieling from a knife wound type stabbing), my eldest brother knocked my mother out once when he punched her in the face, weirdly that one was on Christmas Eve. Had a friend of my brothers cut his throat in front of me while I sat our living room. He didnt die but it was a nasty cut and was just sheer luck he survived. Although 18 months later he did shoot himself in the mouth with a rifle, in front of both his parents, so did finish the job eventually. Lets just say that home life wasn't pleasant and I left as soon as I could.

It's strange to hear people talk about "emotional support" from their parents. I have no frame of reference for this and don't understand what that means. Surely if you have a problem you just consider your options and then choose the most beneficial course of action. I don't see how or where emotional support comes into the equation.

It would be nice to have a little practical help from time to time I guess. Like family to help with childcare and stuff. But otherwise I don't see the fuss about families, wouldn't worry about being NC.

I haven’t seen my dad for 5 years I think. I realised I was the one doing all the running around to maintain a relationship with him. All he ever did was ask to borrow money and ask to stay in my tiny flat when he got evicted for not paying the rent.

Much happier now. I always suspected he didn’t really give a shit about me and just stopped texting/calling.

My only child is NC with me, his drinking is a big problem then he gets abusive with me, it was his decision but so far so good. I don't get anxious anymore about him coming here and getting drunk.

I assume it will last forever, I'm not going to make contact and say sorry for something out of my control.

We're NC with parents since May this year. It hurts so much, but for my sanity and welfare of my dc we had to.

However any time there's any "contact" (mum brought Christmas cards for the kids to my office and gave to a colleague/other people see my mum And mention it) it sends me into meltdown because I do still miss them so much. Christmas is going to be so hard, I miss having a mum, I miss mum cuddles etc. But the bits inbetween are a godsend for me to be able to get on with my life. But we live in the same area, I want to move completely away. If/When we do, it will be much better.

You have to do what's best for you