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Original poster

Hubby asked friend for a kiss.

32 replies

molliepops01 · 23/12/2018 16:46

Just interested in views really.
Hubby went out last night got drunk, bumped into a friend of ours, whose child is at the same school as our children. Was very drunk and asked her for a kiss. She said no.
He has told me today as he feels bad and guilty and couldn’t remember exactly what was said but knew he crossed the line. Been together for 10 years married 7 and have 4 kids.
Have spoken to her and she just said she put it down to drink talk and said he was really drunk. But I do wonder if she is holding back on what was said so not to upset me and cause drama.

Not really sure what to do with all of this, especially two days before Xmas. He seems remorseful and understand he has broken trust and says he will make it up etc etc.
I just wonder if I’m over reacting when I feel like he has ruined everything? And to think that there are potentially bigger problems of he can do this?

And to hate him for doing this let alone on top of Xmas??

OP posts:
BifsWif · 23/12/2018 16:48

Drink isn’t an excuse. Do you think he only told you because he thought she would and wanted to get in first?

I doubt this is the first time he’s done this. What if she’d have said yes?

BitOfFun · 23/12/2018 16:53

God, have you even got the energy over Christmas? Unless he is generally a cunt, I'd ignore it.

Londontower · 23/12/2018 16:55

Is your relationship with DH usually solid? If so, I’d probably let that one slide.

SilverLining10 · 23/12/2018 17:10

So if it wasnt your friend and it wouldn't have come back to you then he would probably have kissed some woman. No I wouldn't let that slide.

maximumcarnage · 23/12/2018 17:16

Without a bit more context isn’t difficult to say. The fact you’re posting here however suggests your struggling to chalk it up to one off drunken foolish behaviour. I suppose him confessing could be seen as a good thing. On the other hand he did try it on with a friend and may have feared her saying something less ‘flattering’.

If there’s a pattern of behaviour, if you’ve had cause to doubt him in the past it might be worth rethinking the relationship. On the other hand if he’s always been rock solid it might be worth trying to move on from this. Though certainly monitor his alcohol intake as booze does tend to lower inhibitions.

Original poster
molliepops01 · 23/12/2018 17:17

See this is where I’m struggling- normally our relationship is solid. We have worked really hard over the last 10 years to build trust up in our relationship as he wasn’t faithful in the earlier days and to be honest we both treated the relationship as a game as we were. Ohh young and stupid.

It took years for the trust to be there and I honestly wouldn’t have thought he would do this and I can see how sorry he is.
HOWEVER I do wonder if it would have been some one else if he would have told me. And how far it would have gone if she had kissed him. And why her? I mean he has been out hundreds of times before why not ask someone else?
How am I supposed to face her in the playground at school, knowing my husband has zero respect for me or our relationship? And how am I supposed to keep a lid on this over Xmas??

OP posts:
NashvilleQueen · 23/12/2018 17:20

A quick peck on the cheek under the mistletoe or a proper snog? There’s a big difference. Were they alone? Had he been flirting beforehand. On the face of it a man asking to kiss the friend of his wife is bad. Even if he was drunk. It could be mitigated by the circumstances but I’d want a lot more info. I’d probably want to speak to her too. But it’s christmas and it’s the last thing she will want to get involved in if she’s any sense.

Sorry OP.

Original poster
molliepops01 · 23/12/2018 17:31

They were both out with friends and bumped into each other. I would say there hadn’t been my flirting before but now I’m starting to re think everything. She comes round ours for drinks and I hadn’t picked up on anything? Or maybe I didn’t notice. I have spoken to her and she said she just thought he was drunk and wasn’t being serious and it was a laugh. I don’t know if the only thing he said was give me a kiss which is what she says or if there was other stuff said and if honest I don’t think I will ever know.
He says he knows he crossed the line.
But doesn’t change the fact that he still did it, does it.

OP posts:
ControversyisSubjective · 23/12/2018 17:55

Tbh that's a massive line for me and he has form for it. Albeit years ago, it still stands. I don't forgive shit like this. I just don't.

Original poster
molliepops01 · 23/12/2018 17:56

Yep. I know what you mean.

OP posts:
ControversyisSubjective · 23/12/2018 17:59

It's disrespectful on so many levels and you know it is. Like you say facing her after forgiving him on the playground just feels so "mug" like. I would be walking onto that playground in the new year a single woman. Knowing I respect myself. If anyone says anything. You simply say, I respect myself too much and know my self-worth.

TrippingTheVelvet · 23/12/2018 18:07

He told you so she couldn't land him in it. Do you think he would've told you if it was some randomer?

Original poster
molliepops01 · 23/12/2018 18:18

That’s what I think too. He swears he hasn’t done it before so then why her? He must on it like her, right? Why not any of the other ladies out last night?

OP posts:
Original poster
molliepops01 · 23/12/2018 18:19

I just feel like such a mug. And angry that he has now made me deal with this over Xmas.

OP posts:
deepwatersolo · 23/12/2018 18:52

It so depends on the exact situation. My dad‘s friend was always a bit flirt when he had been drinking. I remember him meeting me and mum in the street one afternoon, being all flirty and asking her for a kiss. She laughed him off. I was totally exasperated. My mum thought nothing of it, nor my dad when I told him (mum was present). ‚Typical [insert name]’. Didn’t mean he wanted to start an affair or something. That was just him having had a tad too much to drink, apparently.

deepwatersolo · 23/12/2018 18:54

But yeah, that your DH has never done it before and felt the need to ‚confess‘ indicates that these are not just his ways of being gallant when drunk. So, idk.

ernjas · 23/12/2018 19:07

That would be end game for me and DP if he'd done that. Imagine if she'd have said yes? Drink isn't an excuse at all.

safetyfreak · 23/12/2018 19:11

He only told you because he got rejected and you two are friends. I bet he has already had an crush on her and the drink gave him the courage to go for it.

Sorry op.

sofato5miles · 23/12/2018 19:12

People would end a marriage and break up a home over this?????? Bollocks.

Inappropriate certainly. Drunken, definitely. I'd leave it.

Singlenotsingle · 23/12/2018 19:24

He'd had a few too many and he tried to kiss another woman? Is that really worth breaking up a home and devastating four dc over a drunken snog that didn't happen? Shock

Kennycalmit · 23/12/2018 19:28

Sorry i’d find it hard to forget this

He asked for a kiss?! Confused

So what he’d been drinking. If you’re married you don’t ask somebody else for a kiss!
He probably told you because he thought your friend would tell you first

I’m not saying end your marriage. But I’d find it hard to forgive. I think your friend is totally innocent but there’s a reason why he asked for that kiss. I’d be thinking - does he fancy her? He must do if he wants to kiss her

But most importantly I’d be embarrassed about being the woman who stays with her husband when he asks other women for a kiss

deepwatersolo · 23/12/2018 19:39

Yeah, I also think breaking up over it is way over the top. The question is do you let it slide or do you give him a hard time for a week or so, so he learns the lesson And doesn’t take you for granted. I would say, as you understandably still hold a grudge it is fine to make clear to him, what vexes you. You can also ask him how he would feel, if you did the same with... There is no point acting like nothing happened when it still vexes you. (But also, don‘t make more of it than it is. Once You have vented and you feel he really, really gets the Full effect on you and is genuinely sorry, it is hard to believe that this can‘t be forgiven).

TheBubGrower · 23/12/2018 19:51

I can't believe how many people are being so blase about this! So you'd be totally okay with your partners snogging other women on a night out just because they're drunk?! Rubbish!

He only didn't do it because she said no. There is so much wrong with this. I'd be mortified he propositioned a friend. Drink isn't an excuse. You also need to have the inclination/ motivation in the first place and that's what I'd find upsetting. This would make me so worried - is OH doing it just because he's a player, as previous form might suggest, or is this a one off because he fancies this woman or is he looking further afield because he's not happy in the relationship?

Sorry you're going through this OP. Terrible timing too! What an arse.

That said I wouldn't necessarily jump to say LTB. At least he has been honest with you. But this would really break my trust if it were me and I'd need to have some serious discussions about where the fuck this behaviour has come from.

Original poster
molliepops01 · 23/12/2018 20:02

Exactly this!!
Yes he has broken my trust and hurt me and behaved in a disrespectful way but on the balance of things is it worth breaking our home up?

But I know I will find it hard to forgive and to trust again and I will most probably bring it up at every opportunity.
I feel humiliated. How can I be that person who stays with the husband when he behaves like this. How can I hold my head high and have any dignity.

OP posts:
Aardvarkitsabloodyaardvark · 23/12/2018 20:38

As someone that behaved badly (not cheating/kissing) recently due to alcohal I hope you can let it go. Unless he has previous!