Should I stay!?

[Newmummy20181]

Hi, so it is my first time posting on here and looking for a bit of advice!

My DD is 10 weeks old, absolutely in love with her but having so many issues with my partner and have no support as my family live 90minutes away.

My partner had a month off on paternity leave during which he didn’t help out at all, his idea of helping is just holding the baby. He got up after 10am everyday and didn’t/doesn’t help with getting her ready, changing nappies or even with the house work! I pretty much feel like a single mum. On top of this he calls our daughter a ‘little shit’ he says it’s a term of endearment but after having told him I don’t want him speaking to her like that he still does it and if I try and say please don’t he tells me to shut up ( which he says is a joke ). He doesn’t bother getting to figure out what she wants or needs he is more interested in watching tv and would much rather put DD the sofa and not interact than take the time to bond with her. There are other bits but it’s too long to explain.

I’m also keen to move back to where my family is, we are very close and they’re very hands on. I spent my whole pregnancy pretty much with my family as my partner and I originally met in my home town 5 years ago before he decided to move to Surrey but didn’t want me to move with him at the time.. so I stayed in Berkshire. But when I discuss us all moving back he tells me it isn’t happening and that I’d never be able to afford a house back home so good luck trying. Really he just does what he wants so long as he is happy.

I’ve been thinking of giving it a few months to see if he improves, it’s a big life change and not sure if I’m over reacting. If things don’t improve by the time she is 5 months I’m think I’m going to have to leave him! Anyway my question is am I overrating, should I be thinking of leaving him, or should I give him longer than 5months?

You don't love him, think he's jealous and controlling and full of bullshit.
Why are you even considering going back to him?

When you are in the thick of an abusive relationship you do not readily see it. It is only when you are out of the relationship do you realise how abusive it actually was and will be again if you are fool enough to get back with him.

re your comment:-
"In my mind I don’t think someone with this personality could ever truly change, at least not without counselling. But I wondered do any of you think he could change.. if we done counselling, or am I best keeping separated and having minimal contact ?"

Such men do not change even with counselling - and years of therapy too. He feels entitled to act like this and he in all likelihood feels he has done nothing wrong with regards to you and his child. His own father likely treated his mother the same. They manipulate counsellors too and just as you have been thoroughly manipulated by him.

You are best keeping separated and having no contact with him. After all he called his child a little shit and he abuses you as her mother.

You were targeted by this individual as well, of that I have no doubts whatsoever.

Please enrol yourself onto the Freedom Programme run by Womens Aid particularly if you have not already completed this. Such men can and do further weaken perhaps already shaky boundaries and self worth and doing this will help you going forward.

A lot of pressure from his family is making me feel like perhaps I owe that.

Joint counselling too is NEVER recommended where there is abuse of any type within the relationship. You will not be safe in any joint counselling session. I doubt anyway that such an individual like this would ever attend any counselling session in any case.

Counselling for your own self alone and from the likes of Womens Aid would prove helpful.

Harden your heart to his family's entreaties/denial/emotional blackmail of you.

Sod his family Newmummy, you do not owe your ex or his family of origin (who are likely to be just as abusive as he is) a damn thing.

@AttilaTheMeerkat I’ll look into the freedom programme, thank you.

With regards to the no contact, not sure how I can do that with DD perhaps only if it’s with regards to DD. Maybe he’ll lose interest in her if I only communicate with about visitation.

Sounds bad but I hope he does

Today when picking up DD to go to the part XP told her he’d ‘slap her up blood’ because she wouldn’t crawl over to him. I said he wasn’t taking her out until he learns to speak to her like a parent.

Anyone got any advice on what I can do to try and get supervised contact?

Sorry wrong thread

He's a horrible partner and as he is calling a baby a little shit he is being abusive. Can you imagine how she will feel growing up labelled as that? And with him treating her as such?

Please get out now.

@ChristmasFluff, not with him anymore.. but he is trying to manipulate me to go back to the flat. With DD I am so worried about the effect he’ll have on her, I’m just hoping he’ll get bored of trying to play me then he will leave us both alone!