Purely sex situation - how to handle

[sexq]

I've name changed for this but I'm a long time poster. I'm married and DH has essentially given me to go ahead to look elsewhere (v long story but long term issues in the bedroom) he doesn't want details and remains committed to our family as so I.

A situation has arisen when a work colleague where we have admitted a mutual attraction. There are enough opportunities in hotels etc every couple of months or so where we could indulge. There have been messages. Colleague is hot and single. How would this even work - I'd like the fun aspect but don't want to feel cheap/demeaned. I trust him and whilst we work together we don't see each other daily and I don't Work directly with him.

I guess what I'm asking is has anyone done this, is it madness? How do you agree on things like this? Would like to hear from anyone who has been in a similar position / good or bad

Oh lawd... if you're going to do some open relationship stuff, a work colleague is not the one to do that with. Imagine when you get caught by somebody from the office going to a hotel. Technically you've done nothing wrong but oh my will the rumours fly. Why is a hotel cheap if you're the one who wants no strings sex? You might have to think which side your bread is buttered? Maybe a threeuple is more your style, but that means getting involved in real life. You can't really have it both ways, a no details don't tell don't ask arrangement and also it being super connected and meaningful.

I'd go for it if you trust him.

I'd fuck his brains out if I were you

Go for it, as long as colleague knows the deal too.

I have friends with this sort of arrangmement. They both do it.

I’d you like the colleague and aren’t seeing him everyday - go for it. You already know him. And, presumably, he knows you are married.

Why would you feel cheep and demeaned? You are attracted to each other and that all there is.

Are you sure your husband really means it? I wouldn’t unless I was single. I think whatever he says it’ll damage your relationship unless you both are doing it

Actually if your DH is 'ok' with the physical side of it, and there is someone you have a mutual attraction and easy opportunity with, go for it!
I have been occasionally sleeping with a colleague of mine since I became single, only on odd occasions when we have been away together, no-one has a clue because it literally is just sex - no further messaging or flirting or anything else, just the odd night to scratch an itch.

I'd like the fun aspect but don't want to feel cheap/demeaned.

I’m not sure why but this sentence makes it seem like you’re looking for more than just sex. Some kind of romantic connection as well perhaps?

Why do you think no strings sex might make you feel cheap and demeaned, if it’s what you’re looking for?

I really wouldn't with anyone you already know. What If your dh suddenly finds after the event that he can't emotionally cope with it and you then have to see your colleague everyday? Or the arrangement turns sour for some other reason?

To be blunt, you don't shit on your own doorstep.

Join a hookup site. Fabswingers has plenty of singles on there and you can keep your sex, work and home lives completely separate.

I wouldn't with a co-worker. Far too messy. Plus what if your DH and him ever met at an event etc? That would be awkward an a little unfair to DH. I think no strings sex is best on tinder or whatever. A co-worker is a little more intimate and could easy to down the affair route

Don't shit where you eat!

Plenty of hot horny guys in Tinder for this type of thing.

Thanks for replies. I don't want anything meaningful but I also am not sure I could do any of this with a complete stranger. Posters saying the don't shit where you eat stuff are right but it would be a slim chance people would notice.

Don't do it with a colleague. Please. It's a terrible idea. It seems simple now but think of the various possible scenarios. He falls in love with you. You fall in love with him. Your husband finds out and flies into a jealous rage. All possible.

You don't have to meet a complete stranger for sex. Before my current relationship I had lots of no strings affairs. You can meet someone you like off a hook up site and message a lot and meet up a couple of times before you go to bed. It's a hassle filtering them and meeting them but I found some lovely single men to meet up with for sex.

It's not just about other people noticing though, it's having to deal with any potential fallout whilst having to still be in contact because of work. It can be completely private and still horrendously awkward if things go wrong.

As the person above me said, you don't meet from a hookup site until you've done a lot of messaging and a coffee or two first. So if you decide to have sex at least you know a bit about them. It's much safer than pulling a random on a night out.

Also, just because your dh says he's fine with you having sex elsewhere now, there is a good possibility that after the event he will feel differently. I saw this play out lots of times on fabswingers. The reality was much more difficult to deal with than they expected. If you sleep with a coworker your dh will have to deal with you seeing them everyday whether he's OK with it or not.

It’s not something I could ever do anyway but I think you’d be mad to do it with someone even remotely connected to work!

The mad to do it at work thing is running strong so I need to take that on board. And I think that is right, I'm not sure I'm brave enough for the internet. What if someone I knew saw me?

I think I'm flattered more than anything by work guy but not a good idea as much as I want too

I’m in the same boat.

granny have you proceeded or is it something you are weighing up?

Fabswingers is vile for single women sorry, it's well known that it's mostly men using it to try and meet other men, the ones who want to meet women just want free prostitutes.

If you want to see men at their worst, join fabswingers and read the local updates, men begging for cock and wanting their balls drained, offering money and drugs for meets, you will end up hating men.

I met a lovely man on fabswingers who I saw multiple times. And a really fun couple that I met once.

You have to set your stall out really clearly and just bin people if they don't meet your expectations. Be really clear about what you want. Don't accept any nonsense. Meet up for a quick ten minutes coffee and you'll know straight away if you like them. I did this maybe 5 or 6 times before meeting the guy I ended up having sex with. He gave me his social media details and I insisted on going to his house so I could check that he was actually single. He told me where he worked etc.

If you have sex with the colleague you lose all control over the situation. It's a really stupid thing to do.

@mimithemouse what's a free prostitute?

I met some lovely men on fabswingers. True, there are some hideous people on there but I'm sure that's also true of tinder or any other hookup site. I joined and set my privacy settings so nobody could message me unless I messaged them first. That was essential otherwise you become inundated immediately with hundreds and hundreds of messages. It takes a lot of trawling through profiles and toing and froing but I was willing to put the time in as I wouldn't want to take meeting someone for sex lightly. Safety and compatibility aren't guaranteed. Mostly I spent time on the forums and gauged whether I liked someone or not based on how they interacted with everyone.