Feel like my life is over but I am still existing with nothing to live for

[user70193136]

This time last year, as with the year before and the year before that, I kept thinking, it will be different in a year. Things could have changed. They never do.

I'm now just turned 35 and still single. All of my friends are settled down even if they dont have kids. All I want is a family. I've wanted it since I was 26.

I'm so sad. I have a nice little home and decent job and nobody to share it with. No matter what anyone says, I will feel like my life was nowhere near what i wanted if i wind up not in a loving relationship with a busy family life.

i have had advice like go and join a club, make more friends, take up a new hobby. i have a busy life, i go on dates, i have interests. but sometimes i want to scream NOTHING REPLACES LOVE AND A FAMILY.

i am so so sad today. everyone is with little kids posting pictures with santa clause, or getting engaged by a bloody christmas tree or off on a nice holiday they can afford because it is split cost.

i sound horribly bitter. i suppose i am. of course i am happy for everyone around me and sometimes i watch the videos of friends and feel calmer that somewherr that might be out there for me. but it always feels like it is someone elses story. my best friend gets married in april and i am happy for her. theres just never been my event or story or love.

i dont know why i am posting really. i just woke up today and thought here we are again, a year on and just as lonely, still without someone significant. still nobody to share my life with let alone consider kids. and it is all probably too late now.

Sorry you're feeling like this. Have you ever had any form of counseling? 35 is not too late for anything, I have lots of friends who have met people in their late 30s and 40s. This time of year is hard but you can get through it x

no counselling, im not sure if it would help. i just cant face another marker of another year where nothing has changed. i have to accept i wont meet someone now and im not sure that is a life i want. i feel so alone and even worse when around all the festivities.

Christmas is the worst, and you never know what is going on in other's lives despite the photos.

I'm sorry, it is hard, sorry to be a grinch but I'm in the same boat as you and will be glad when it's all died down.

I'm sorry you are feeling like this-totally understandable though as your life hasn't turned out the way you expected it to by 35. However, it is not too late. Many people including my closest friends did not meet the right partner or have children till their early 40's. They are some of the happiest people I know.

Christmas is a really tough time when it feels like everyone else around you has a better life. They really don't in most cases. I find that people just try harder to make it appear like they do!

But I'm sorry you're feeling like this and I wish I had something helpful to add

Big hug.

You never know when something good will happen, just keep on trucking in the meantime. So many feelings when there's a time marker I was sobbing my eyes out at millennium (not where I imagined I'd be by then blah blah) but really life doesn't happen according to a calendar

thanks laura i just cant see it happening now. i am so fed up with dating and feel so alone all of the time. i just plod on and then wonder why i am even bothering with a decent job and home, i may as well be in a bedsit. someone else could use my life in a much better way with people to depend on them who need them. i dont need any of the things i have.

I think there’s many people like us out there!

I’m early 30s, good job, nice house, hobbies, tried online dating.

Al I want is a nice loving family (something I’ve never experienced) and Christmas time always makes this feeling so much worse!

You need to travel. Can you take a sabbatical and go away for a while? Expand your horizons, get out of the predefined societal nonsense, open yourself to new possibilities, and delete stupid social media accounts that make you miserable. You may or may no have a family, but 40 years later, will you be looking back at a life well lived full of fun and adventure, or 40 years of misery?

i wouldnt know where to start travel wise. where is good to travel alone?

i have a lot of weeks holiday to take so could do a few trips without a sabbatical and i have worked hard for my job so wouldnt want to leave it.

where would i start with travelling and where? anytime i look up places i think it is too couple-y

You don't need a man to make a family, love

Have you had any serious relationships?

Would you consider adoption or a donar route? Many women end up alone with their DC after a relationship break down later, no shame in starting out that way. You should like you have a decent stable home life.

I'm younger than you but no kids, don't live with DP of multiple years, no intention of kids or marriage etc. I know it's different because it's through choice. But even though I choose this life, I still find the level of expectation and not doing the "normal" thing different. Because I feel like there's something else I "should" be doing. Surrounding yourself with at least some people who are in a similar position may help. It can get a bit depressing being around a lot of "nuclear families" with happy lives (at least on the outside).

I have opted for the "mad dog woman" lifestyle but that isn't for everyone....

Have a look at workaway.info - you could travel all over the world as a volunteer, meeting people and learning new skills. I've hosted 120 people over the last 8 years, from age 18-63 and the majority of them were travelling alone.

I've had 3 year relationships, 3 times. then a few year or two year ones in between. lived with only one of them.

i can have a family alone but it isnt that. it is wanting to be in a loving relationship. if i engineer a family alone, yes i have kids but it isnt the same.

i think travel would be worth considering but it still feels like a shit replacement. sorry i am such a misery today.

The where to travel question - my sister is 60 and has just returned from two weeks in Morocco, travelling with a group, walking up mountains and in deserts and camping - some couples but mainly singles, age range mid twenties to mid sixties. My sister had been married (he died of MS) and had two partners (one committed suicide and one died of cancer) but she's very positive, goes on these types of holidays a couple of times a year with random people and lives it.

You are definitely not too old to meet someone and have a family! My best friend met her partner at 41 (we are both 49) and has a five year old son.

I was a sole parent after my fiancé left when I was pregnant and didn't date for years - too busy working overseas and looking after DD. I met someone when I was 40 (terrible relationship) and was engaged earlier this year - it didn't work out, but I was 48 - miles older than you.

I can very much relate to the "life hasn't turned out as I expected" feelings, but I know very few people whose lives have kept to their plan. I feel as if I'm constantly adjusting - I can admit now that I can't imagine living with anyone apart from DD who is now 21, so is only at home for university holidays.

Never give up.

I felt very much the way you do for a long, long time. I felt like I was just going through the motions, working just to pay the bills, coming home from work, warning up a ready meal, watching telly, going to bed, waking up and doing it all again. I had no outside interests, wasn't dating as no-one ever showed any interest in me. I was just existing, not living.

I was 37 when I started seeing my now husband. I have 2 great step-kids and I am truly happy for the first time in my life. I was giving up on ever meeting someone, even starting to accept it, and maybe that's why it happened then.

You still have so much time to meet someone and you have other options meantime if you really want to have kids, e.g. artificial insemination. Travel also sounds like a great idea, maybe with some volunteering?

I would give it one more year with the serious goal of meeting my life partner. Get your friends and relatives to wrack their brains as to whether they know someone who would be right for you and arrange a date. Join something like a running or cycling club wher lots of single men hang out. Do serious, marriage focussed, online dating the sort you have to pay for.

And if at the end of this year, you haven't met the right person, then think about going it alone as a mum.

Remember, you could meet a gorgeous man at 45 and have 40 lovely years together, but by then you might have missed out on having children. So get the children sorted as a priority, you still have loads of time to find a nice man.

Having kids isn't the same, it's better. The relationship may come and go but the kids will be your family forever. Don't discount kids holding out for a man. Yes you may meet someone tomorrow, bit you may not meet him for another few years. You could have kids anytime now and get cracking with your own family. The man can join later. Maybe look into donors and set yourself a time limit. If you meet someone great. If not you can still have your baby.

If I was in your shoes, I’d take my holiday and go to Australia/NZ for a month. Book a tour/group organised thing (so you’re not doing it alone). Enjoy the experience. I’ve got lots of friends who met their partners while travelling. Have you looked at the meet-up website too? Search your area as there’s always lots of groups/hobbies on there for single people. I guess you just have to keep putting yourself out there.

My heart goes out to you. I met my lovely DH at 37. Now have two dcs with him. I never thought it would happen. It does and it will. I found/still find Shakti Gawain's book on Creative Visualisation really soothing and helpful. Warm hugs.

I chose, at 36 to have a child by myself as after 10 years of dating I was done with it. My daughter is nearly four and I'm expecting my second next year. I'm happier than I ever thought I deserved to be and my life is so full of love. It's the best decision that I ever made and honestly I don't have after a partner as my life is so full

Meant to write "hanker" after a partner...

Camsie has a really valid point, I think.

Just wanted to say I hear you OP. I've been single over 8 years now and haven't had a date in 7 years. I shall be 45 in March. I never wanted kids or to be a stepfather and that makes dating really difficult - harder than your situation in many ways as my potential pool is considerably smaller than yours. I find Christmas difficult as one of my best friends died on Xmas Eve when I was 18 and so it's always "there". And I only have my parents in terms of family and we're not overly close so it's a very lonely time, ditto new year. Yes, I have a good job, hobbies, friends but it's not the same as having a loving relationship. Sometimes I'm fine but other times I'm not. I've done all the things everyone suggests, I keep busy but you can be out at night with friends but come home to an empty flat every night; wake up every morning on your own. And it fucking hurts sometimes.

So I hear you. I have no advice, I just want you to know there are others in the same board and we get it.