Feel like my life is over but I am still existing with nothing to live for

[user70193136]

This time last year, as with the year before and the year before that, I kept thinking, it will be different in a year. Things could have changed. They never do.

I'm now just turned 35 and still single. All of my friends are settled down even if they dont have kids. All I want is a family. I've wanted it since I was 26.

I'm so sad. I have a nice little home and decent job and nobody to share it with. No matter what anyone says, I will feel like my life was nowhere near what i wanted if i wind up not in a loving relationship with a busy family life.

i have had advice like go and join a club, make more friends, take up a new hobby. i have a busy life, i go on dates, i have interests. but sometimes i want to scream NOTHING REPLACES LOVE AND A FAMILY.

i am so so sad today. everyone is with little kids posting pictures with santa clause, or getting engaged by a bloody christmas tree or off on a nice holiday they can afford because it is split cost.

i sound horribly bitter. i suppose i am. of course i am happy for everyone around me and sometimes i watch the videos of friends and feel calmer that somewherr that might be out there for me. but it always feels like it is someone elses story. my best friend gets married in april and i am happy for her. theres just never been my event or story or love.

i dont know why i am posting really. i just woke up today and thought here we are again, a year on and just as lonely, still without someone significant. still nobody to share my life with let alone consider kids. and it is all probably too late now.

This time of year, or summer? If you were to travel next winter, you could go to one of the many ski resorts anywhere in the world and let your hair down. All Happy go lucky people, fun activities and beautiful locations. Highly recommended are Canada, Austria or Norway, with Canada being the top pick. If your savvy, it can all be done on a tight budget.

As for the ongoing problem of meeting someone:

You sound like quite the catch, to be honest with you. Without knowing the standards you keep, perhaps you need to lower them somewhat, in order to accommodate potential suitors - increasing the probability, as it were. No idea but either way, you’ll be grand.

I hear you. Also, I have a husband and two kids and I'm struggling and on antidepressants and feel like I shouldn't be because I have so much but there you go. No one's life is perfect and I'm guilty of comparing all the time.
I met my husband when I gave up and decided I couldn't be bothered to look for anyone.
Thinking of you X

it’s so hard. Life with a family can also be incredibly hard- you never know how it will turn out. Please don’t worry-I wasn’t married with children at 35 and I now have children and a husband albeit separated. No lives are perfect. I know how that loneliness feels though and it’s very tough but not forever- just don’t expect life to be perfect once you have a partner and a family.

I don't have much advice, but I feel the same. I'm early 30s and desperately want a family. All my friends are married and having kids and they have no idea how much it pains me that I don't.

I just keep telling myself to hold out hope that it can still happen.

You're not alone x

I really feel for you. I used to feel the same. Right through my twenties Thought something was wrong with me. Met DH late and didn't have DC until 39. There is still time. (We are so happy too - worth the wait.)

It's really important that you don't allow yourself to feel that is all that matters. Because if it's the only thing you care about then life is a gaping hole until you meet The One.

For me, working on the Grid system of happiness helped massively. You draw a square and divide it into nine boxes. Write a different aspect of life in each box, e.g. Work, Friends, Love, Travel etc. You choose what to put in, except you must add Community (ie serving your community) and Health&Fitness.
The aim is to work on each of those nine aspects of a full life, treating every single one of them as thought it's as important as the rest.That way, when one or two or more aspects of life aren;t working out, the rest are genuine support systems that see you through. You need to be excited by work and leisure and friendships if love isn;t happening right now. And of course the irony is that people with loads of positive energy who are fulfilled in life are more attractive.

My friend was in your position. I remember having all the stupid advice ready for her. Clubs! Activities! And she said, as you do, I already do that. I'm fine on my own. I love myself, ive traveled, I've money. But I want my family now! It was heartbreaking. I see now that all she wanted was for me to acknowledge her grief. I regret how useless I was.

She met a man a few weeks before she turned 35 and I remember how spooked she was, she nearly didn't turn up for their second date, etc.

In any event. She's 37 now and her dd is quite literally the cutest baby I've seen since my own babies. They have two beautiful homes. They marry next summer.

I know it's an anecdote. If it were me, honestly, I'd have a baby on my own in your shoes. I'm a single mum now and it's much easier and more fulfilling than partnered. But that's jmo.

Feel your grief, and know that you really just never know. Try to keep going. May the road rise up to meet you x

I understand how you feel as I'm in a similar position.

Sometimes you just need to be able to express your feelings & talk about your situation without people throwing 'solutions' at you.

But I do feel that it would be a good idea to plan to have a baby soon if finances allow.

I can't have a baby alone but if I could I would definitely go for it.