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Relationships

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Original poster

Tinder - am I being unreasonable

29 replies

Tills85 · 21/12/2018 17:18

I started seeing someone couple of weeks ago. Yes we matched on tinder and nit met before but we have many mutual friends & know each others family members. Hence why he already knew a lot about me. I was glad because for some reason i thought it was some sort of security - not just a random tinder date. The 2 weeks were very intense & we were spending a lot of time together. If he's not with me he calls or texts. He knew i have been through tough time with my ex and said he would never mess me around. Cutting ling story short i found out he is messaging girls on tinder and arranging to meet them. How i know? He started to chat up my friend, when we chatted the other day & she was telling me about this guy shes going on a date with. My jaw dropped... he is still calling me, we arranged to see eachother again. He doesn't know i know. My question is. What should i do? My instinct is run - he's not in it for the same reasons. But i spoke to few people who say " its only been few weeks, you have not had the exclusuve conversation he's not doing anything wrong". I feel used because when he's with me he acts like i'm the only woman in the world. But obviously that is not the case... pleae help. Be nice

OP posts:

NotTheFordType · 21/12/2018 17:21

I'm sorry but your friends are right. If you haven't had the "are we exclusive" conversation (which would be ridiculous after ONE date) then of course he's going to continue to date, and so should you.

BifsWif · 21/12/2018 17:24

It’s fine if you’re not ok with this, I wouldn’t be either, but you either need to accept it or be honest that you know and it’s not sitting comfortably with you. You may never hear from him again but at least you’ll know where you stand.

dancingqueen345 · 21/12/2018 17:26

I don't like the thought of someone I'm speaking to speaking to other people at the same time because I'm very much a one guy at a time type of messager, however I am sure it happens. Just unfortunate that you've found out!!

Can you bring it up in a bit of a jokey way? Maybe say you don't expect to be exclusive but a friend is a bit too close for comfort?

Original poster

Tills85 · 21/12/2018 17:35

We have not had 1 date, we pretty much saw eachother every day in those 2 weeks. Speaking i could accept altough it is not something i would ever do. I can't ever imagine dating more than person at the time. The conversation he had with the person i know was very clear that he's not dating anyone, not had any dates recently & even made a comment of them having a netflix and chill night... he tells her how gorgeous she is and how he will not give up pursuing her...

OP posts:

category12 · 21/12/2018 17:36

You sleeping together?

Personally it'd make me really stop and think about what he's saying/doing and suspect strongly that it's mostly to get into my pants or love-bombing, rather than the real deal.

One thing I'd say to you, is don't do that thing of telling new blokes how dreadfully previous blokes have treated you: it doesn't stop people treating you badly - they don't think to themselves, oh I won't screw around on this one - either they're a decent person or they're not. And if you're not over what your ex did to you enough to be able to handle a relationship without it affecting it, then you're not ready for a relationship.

Original poster

Tills85 · 21/12/2018 17:41

Yes.

I have not told him about my ex - he knew as i said we know a lot about eachother from mutual friends and family members. I stayed single for quite a few years after tgat relationship just to be on my own & can assure you i am very over and ready for a new one

OP posts:

ChristmasFluff · 21/12/2018 17:45

He's fast-forwarding you (all the messages, the constantly being together etc), giving you false expectations ('I'll never mess you about"), and if you complain about finding him dating other people, he'll use the 'we aren't exclusive yet' get out. He doesn't sound like a good person - a good person doesn't say things like 'I'd never mess you about' early on in the relationship, because how do you know at that stage if the relationship is even going anywhere?

category12 it totally on the money too.

ChristmasFluff · 21/12/2018 17:47

Oh, and you also know he's a liar from what he's said to the other girl. He's not exactly a great catch, is he?

category12 · 21/12/2018 17:48

I'd throw this fish back, tbh, OP.

Original poster

Tills85 · 21/12/2018 17:49

So should I just go cold on him ignore and leave it because i think i need to snap out of it and realise he's a fuckboy.. or do i tell him i know?

OP posts:

SparklyMagpie · 21/12/2018 17:51

Have you slept together?

Sounds like you've pretty much made your mind up

I wouldn't continue but then that's because of the lying

SparklyMagpie · 21/12/2018 17:52

Sorry I hadn't refreshed

Original poster

Tills85 · 21/12/2018 17:52

Yes we have. Don't judge me. I know for someone it seems a bit fast but it felt right at the time

OP posts:

SparklyMagpie · 21/12/2018 17:54

OP I'm not judging at all

I think if it was me, i'd let him know it was game over but it might be best just to leave it?

Apologies I'm rushing trying to sort tea

category12 · 21/12/2018 17:58

You haven't done anything wrong. As long as you had a good time.

I do think he's a player tho, who probably uses the same sweep-'em-off-their-feet tactics on everyone.

Original poster

Tills85 · 21/12/2018 18:12

So from what I see the opinions are pretty much one sided. Im kind if glad because i think i knew this was a no go but needed some opinions. I feel like a mug...

OP posts:

RagingWhoreBag · 21/12/2018 18:15

I wouldn’t ‘finish it’ as such. If he’s messing about with other women there’s nothing to finish. Just don’t bother contacting him and if he contacts you say you’re busy, turn down dates etc and if he pushes it say you’re not feeling it. But I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of actually ending it, as that makes it seem important to you.

NotANotMan · 21/12/2018 18:18

I would take this as a lesson to slow the fuck down and not enter into incredibly intense relationships so quickly. Seeing each other all the time straight away is not healthy and you have played yourself really

Original poster

Tills85 · 21/12/2018 18:23

As much as i'd like to disagree... i think you're right

OP posts:

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 21/12/2018 18:23

Agree with Raging, phase him out/ghost him, he’s a liar.

CandyCreeper · 21/12/2018 18:24

I wouldnt be cool with this but then imnot into multi dating so would be done for me.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 21/12/2018 18:32

I wouldn't pursue it any longer, just leave it and next time he contacts you just tell him the truth about why you don't want to see him anymore. I wouldn't be interested in someone who was dating or messaging others as it would mean he wasn't that into me.

Original poster

Tills85 · 21/12/2018 19:04

Out of interest... what do you guys think about tinder? In terms of looking for something serious? Or is it a no no...

OP posts:

NotANotMan · 21/12/2018 19:15

Tinder is no better or worse than any other dating site. Lots of men looking for proper relationships as well as those looking for hook ups.

Original poster

Tills85 · 21/12/2018 20:56

So am i just having bad luck?

OP posts:

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