Crap present ideas

[Mum4Blake]

I need your best-worst present ideas.
I’m NC with my brother and his troll wife. My mum is insisting that I get them a present to “maintain” family harmony. It needs to be new and on the surface be acceptable, but put an end to this gift giving once and for all. I had got a box with a couple of bottles of wine in, but Amazon smashed it (literally) on delivery, so I’ve got to order Plan B tonight (and wine wasn’t a good idea anyway - it’s what they get me every year and obviously is helping to maintain this harmony that I no longer require)

I’ve already looked and the famous stuffed raven is no longer stocked anywhere!

Are they fat? If so then a slimming worlrd membership of a gusto box subscription.

Lynx sets? Nobody likes them.

Teeth whitening kit??

His and hers slankets. Nothing says fuck off like something that makes sure they'll stay home.

Why bother? You don't want to, so save your money.

Scented Candles, a total couldn't be added present

A couple of dull books.

A lynx set and the female equivalent?

Really really hideous Christmas jumpers? They are all reduced now and the are pretty useless until the last 2 weeks of next year!!

Notebooks made out of elephant poo. Nice enough gift but actually just made of animal crap.

Don't give them a present. You are doing anyone a favour. It's just wasteful.

Send them an Oxfam gift (like a £10 donation and they said a card to the recipient sort of thing). Because at least that isn't a waste of money.

A ladies facial shaver for her and a lynx gift set for him!

Guinness Book of World Records. Or yanno, just be normal and buy a bottle of wine in Aldi.

A oxfam goat?
a mug?

Definitely a charity present. Sponsor a goat.
Or even better, a toilet.

Sponsor an animal on their behalf.

Socks.

Buy 342 in Boots and keep the best one for yourself.

I bought my mum a donkey sanctuary sponsorship. You can guess how our relationship is going. serves her right

I genuinely buy most people things like donkey sanctuary sponsorships. And like receiving that.

But it's still a good idea because no one loses. And you look charitable. Whether your heart is in the right place or not.

Toilet twinning where you gift them a toilet somewhere where there is little sanatation

I would be really upset if anyone gave me a donkey sanctuary sponsorship. Do people genuinely like receiving that?!

The only charity donation ‘gift’ I’ve ever done is I donated the money my hideously racist aunt gave to my wedding to a refugee charity.

If they gift you wine every year, I'd go with a book on alcohol addiction or something related as a dig, or maybe a book about toxic people. Not sure about your budget, though.

A goat or one of those talking flapping fish that used to be popular.

Second the charity gift idea. At least you're not throwing your money down the drain that way.

I love getting a scented candle!

I've also bought my son a GBOWR book every year since he could read. He's 14 now. Should I sack that idea then?

@heffalumpsdaughter

I like receiving them and give charity gifts mostly. I love Christmas but apart from children think it's a waste of money buying gifts.

I thought most people would appreciate it. Uh oh.

Something like what my in-laws got me for my birthday.
One of those cumbersome, tent sized eco- trolley systems - where you balance the fucker on top of the trolley, it has 4 bags attached ( not enough for a decent shop), and you need a degree in rocket science and arms like Schwarznegger to get it into the supermarket in the first place.( $30.00 AUD)
I considered that to be the ultimate fuck you present( as did several of my friends) , especially when the in-law who shares my birthdate was feted with flowers, scented candles, an orchid plus scent and massage vouchers.
I also go a travel mug that won't fit in the car drink holders.