Crap present ideas

[Mum4Blake]

I need your best-worst present ideas.
I’m NC with my brother and his troll wife. My mum is insisting that I get them a present to “maintain” family harmony. It needs to be new and on the surface be acceptable, but put an end to this gift giving once and for all. I had got a box with a couple of bottles of wine in, but Amazon smashed it (literally) on delivery, so I’ve got to order Plan B tonight (and wine wasn’t a good idea anyway - it’s what they get me every year and obviously is helping to maintain this harmony that I no longer require)

I’ve already looked and the famous stuffed raven is no longer stocked anywhere!

Pampas grass and a white wicker heart for the front door

Google sendshit.co.uk

When I got married first time round, a friend of my parents who didn't like me (rejected the advances from their 20 something son as a teenager) gave me an oil painting as a wedding gift. She had painted it herself, from a 'by numbers' kit. She wasn't great at keeping within the lines.

A Bayliss and Harding giftset

Or a 'Crafting with Cat Hair' book?

This?

HeffalumpsDaughter why would that upset you?

Facial hair removal cream
Anti wrinkle cream
Slim fast
Breath freshener
Clothes at least 2 sizes too big
Air freshener
One of those Love Layla insulting cups
Something that plays a really annoying noise
A very unflattering framed photo of them

@MeTigger you've reminded me - isn't there a cook with semen book? I'm sure there was a thread on here about it!

ohyes I’d just see it as a vanity present from the giver. Fair enough if it’s a charity that the giver knows I support of if it’s related to my interests. If it’s just random donkeys or something I’d be thinking that they’ve just made a donation to a charity they support, that’s not a bloody present you give to someone else! I don’t go round giving remembrance Poppy’s that I bought to people as a gift.

@minorrsole - lol really? I didn't see that thread, do post the link if you find it! The poo book popped up on world books!

Yes, thanks for making me google that

Natural Harvest: A collection of semen-based recipes by Photenhauer, Paul "Fotie" Published by CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform (2008) https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00G0A7912/ref=cmswwrcppapiii_v7RgCb5GJR21V

Semenology - The Semen Bartender's Handbook https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1482605228/ref=cmswwrcppapiii_G8RgCbTN67VF1

A huge, glass fish

that creme caramel on the cover! Why? Just why? I find it hard enough cooking anything palatable without having to try and hide the taste of spunk.

I passively aggressively give my bil (who is ok and does all the cooking) and his awful social X-ray wife a cookbook. That seasons cheap popular one. DNephew usually pipes up ‘we’ve got that one!’ So maximum social awkwardness, for them not me.

This thread is bullshit.

A cushion with your face on it? 😂

Get both of these they aren't too pricey.

Bag of tena ladies

Love some of the suggestions but how's about considering keeping the lines of harmony like your mum says? There would have to be a very bad history for me to cut all ties with a sibling. My apologies if this is the case. Either way, wrap a tin of biscuits. What sort of wine do they buy?

I should say - they live a long way away so it has to go in the post (hence why I tend to use Amazon - I can get it delivered to them).
As for the wine - Hardys Stamp - ever year without fail.

Before we fell out, I’d suggested that my son and myself get a hotel in the city near them for a weekend so that we could visit them. My brother complained that I was “inviting myself to theirs” to our Mum. This was after he’d complained that no-one goes to visit them (I live the closest to him, but it’s still around 3 hours drive, it’s a 7 hour drive for my parents or other brother - flying isn’t any quicker due to the distance to drive to respective airports).
You can please some of the people some of the time, and then there are those you can never please!

I laughed at sponsoring a toilet - maybe not this year, but if the relationship deteriorated further I’ll keep it in mind.

Xmas jumpers are a brill idea if I can find ones that can be delivered before Xmas!

What did you end up buying?