Single for over two years - no one wants me!

[uselessandlonely]

I've gone for different approaches.

I've been blonde, red head and dark.

I've gone for different men. There's been three guys who I've got very close to. But they decide they don't want me.

I'm gradually getting lonelier and lonelier. I see all women I know around me in relationships and progressing but for some reason no one wants to do that with me.

I come across as down on this thread, but in reality I come across as happy go lucky and carefree so it's not because I'm bringing them down.

Anyone felt like this and then found someone?

Just read that back and the hair colour looks a bit random.

What I mean is, I've changed my look. I suppose that doesn't matter though. I just can't think why they wouldn't want me.

I'm lurking. Single for a decade apart from a short (5 month) relationship. Never been in a long term one
I've basically written myself off as too old/fat and ugly to be in one

Honestly it's soul destroying. And that sounds so dramatic but I'm starting to feel there is something seriously wrong with me.

It's not that I can't find a man. I just can't keep one. I'm 28. I'm told I'm attractive.

My last 'relationship' was with an older guy who's not attractive in any way, in fact my friends were shocked when they saw him.... not that that mattered to me. I liked him. But even he chucked me. I just don't understand.

Do YOU like the men you are meeting?

Like really like them?

Reading your OP it doesn’t sound like you have?

OP, be objective. What are your good points/ bad points? We can then help you think it through [grin

Genuinely- yes. I did like them. Especially this last one.

I went through a phase between 21 years old and 25 years old... I couldn't for the life of me attract any one who would want me in committed form. Like you I changed my hair etc and got to the point where i thought enough man hunting. I started working on my career and making my friendship group better along with travelling etc... A year ish later one night i met the right man and got married with him at 27 and expecting our first in April.

The point i am trying to make is the right person will come along in the meantime enjoy the ride do stuff you wouldn't be able to do if in a relationship

Hope this helps x

Where are you meeting men OP? Being 'chucked' is likely to be no reflection on you at all, and more on the type of bloke you're meeting.

The first one .... perhaps I was pushing more for a relationship. And I dont think he was ready.

This last one though. I let him take the lead, didn't pester him for anything. Was really chilled and relaxed and he then said he didn't see a future.

I thought it was maybe because I was TOO relaxed and he felt I wasn't into him. So I asked him to do something on the weekend. He said yes. Then cancelled.

@Littleraindrop15 I'd love to be able to relax about it. I don't think I actively search these men out. They seem very interested at first and just as keen. I feel like I'm getting old?! And if I want that family life it needs to happen soon. But I don't just want a family, I want love.

Like I said, men seem attracted, and I only get involved with ones I like. They just don't last.

@Otterses I've met them all from knowing them in real life. Eg work. Friends of friends. I've not tried online dating and I don't want to either to be honest

I think it’s better to be in no relationship than a bad one. There’s no rush. Don’t worry so much about finding someone. Focus instead on what you enjoy in life. I see so many women concerned about meeting guys. Don’t worry so much about it. Just enjoy yourselves. More to life than us blokes.

Think you need to try online dating, get out there, have fun, kiss lots of frogs until you find one worth you.

Totally understand the reluctance to try online dating OP! I've only ever known one success story from it.

I really don't want to make a rude assumption, but do you think the rejection is maybe taking a bit of a knock to your confidence? Are you happy with yourself?

It's taken a massive knock to my confidence.

I worry that maybe they are just using me for sex sometimes. But if that was the case, the last one would have kept it going. Because I didn't pressurise him for anything.

What are you like as a person? Are you everyone's friend? A good laugh etc? I ask this because you said you were happy go lucky. I have a friend like this she is very attractive but never seems to have a boyfriend. She has a lot of friends both male and female and is such a lovely person. My only assumption why she is single is because she gets friend zoned. She treats everyone the same so they would never know if she actually fancied them. I tell her she needs to flirt more.
I do often wonder if men get intimidated by all her friends aswell

@username48693727283 yeah I suppose I am very friendly. But I also like to flirt. I don't think I give them the impression I just want to be friends. I mean we get to the sleeping with each other phase. And they have no problem with me meeting their friends. It's just that's as far as it goes.

Single now but been in long term relationships. I'll be honest, a lot of my friends are in relationships and s few of them are very unhappy. One in particular is with an absolute ahole, another is using her and disrespects her and another is staying with a tightass.

I have come to accept relationships are not the be-all and end-all. Some people hit the proverbial jackpot, many don't.

I prefer to be single than lower my standards. If it means I remain single, so be it. I am happy with my life and friends and knowing there is a possibility one day I will meet someone lovely (I'm mid-40s).

But where are you in all of this, OP?

From what I've read, you seem to disappear in your pursuit of being wanted. You change your looks; you flirt; you consent to sex.

But where are you in your own life and therefore what do you bring to someone else?

You come across as having to mould yourself around a man's idea of what is loveable - and this is particularly clear because "they decide" and "they don't want", you "can't keep one", "I let him take the lead", "I didn't pester".

What did your family life teach you about relationships? Was a man there to be pleased? Were you wholly loved and loveable as you were? Perhaps things to ponder.

My family life was great. My parents are happily married, still very loved up.

I don't bring anything to the table.

I have a son. He's a great kid, everyone who meet him says so. No trouble at all. And I'm not looking for a father figure for him. He has a fantastic dad. But perhaps it could be that. I'd hate that to be the reason.

I don't have a particularly good job. But I'm hard working. I suppose I'm not financially well off. That could be another reason.

I don't drive. Though I've never needed to.

Op I know how you felt at 25 I felt like I hadn't achieved any relationship goal I had invisioned.. Honestly it takes one good apple but that apple is hard to find and what makes matters worse a lot of the males I know who are our age didn't want to commit to relationships.

Im 27 and all the men I know are either commited but won't take the next step eg marriage or they are single and want to just focus on their career.

My husband is a lot older than me and it was an instant click the first night I met him I thought I don't want to get my hopes up high but by the end of the week he was my one and only.

I know many girl friends who are in the same boat as you and honestly do not take it personally some of these girls are stunning and still single.

Your time will come and when it does you will realise why it didn't work with the rest of them.

24 in Jan and never had a relationship or anything. I've had guys ask me out but the first three not my type, the latest one I'm definitely tempted and then there's the fact that I am rather taken with one of my friends are we're in the awkward place between friendship and dating. I'm visiting him in a couple of days for his b-day with other friends (meeting his family for the first time) so we'll see what happens, especially as he's hinting on about coming for NYE and wanting to meet my family and for them to like him but if it's going nowhere then it's not going anywhere and I'll be accepting the offer from the other guy.

I was single for two and a half years before finally meeting "the one" aged 30. I feel like I've won the relationship lottery and I'm so glad I didn't settle for less. However like you I did think I would be single forever and was starting to plan my future with that in mind, You never know when it's going to happen

BTW I met me now DP on an app and he is the love of my life so don't be too quick to reject online dating

"I don't bring anything to the table."

You mean in terms of who you are, or in terms of your past?

I'd focus on your life and don't make being with someone your main goal (if you are, that is!). People turn up when we're least expecting them - and that's usually because we're too busy doing something important to us to worry about being single.