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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling he not that into me anymore " Wants to have his cake and eat it too"

27 replies

Aussiemomof2 · 17/12/2018 18:06

I am a mother of 2 children one 14 and the other 2 both girls. My Financee and I have lived together for the past 2 years, but have been together for 4. For the first 18 months of the relationship things were great. He and my oldest daughter got along, they really liked each other. He always wanted a child of his own, both of us married before and had bad relationships.
When I got pregnant he seemed really happy, then after baby came he changed. Me and the baby were not a major focus in his life, one the distance and two his grandmother being ill which i understood. So i quite my job and moved everyone up north to be with him, found a new job allowed his mother to move in. And now I am treated like the indentured servant. I cook, clean, and work over 40 hours. I have to beg for him to spend time with me or the kids, when i ask depending on his mood i get told im being selfish to expect him to pay time with us. If I say anything lately I am belittled, or screamed at.
He is always on the phone, or texting when i ask who was that i was told no one were as before he would tell me. he takes his phone to the bath room an claims its work. he is hourly not salary so he doesn't need to answer work calls if he doesnt want to. He treats me like i am stupid, hes gone from being sweet to being an ass more times then not. My oldest just looks at him like wTF.
I confronted him the other day about cheating and how he acts, and i am told hes not and its my fault. I am not sure what to do, we are meant to getting married in September but i just dont know anymore. I tried talking all i get is slamming door and blame. I just dont know anymore, he use to introduce me and know he doesnt. My gut tells me hes cheating i just dont think my heart wants to believe it

OP posts:
Aussiemomof2 · 17/12/2018 18:27

Also for our anniversary i got nothing, no card, no dinner nothing due to property taxes being due. Ok fine i got him gift and took him to dinner and he couldnt even dress up for me. For my birthday, my oldest pushed him to take me out the weekend before. The day before my actually birthday, we were talking about dinner and i asked them what were making for my birthday joking and he was like we already took care of that. In the past nothing like that would come out of his mouth. needless to say for his birthday i took him out made him his favorite meal.

OP posts:
Sausagerollers · 17/12/2018 18:31

Get your children out of that toxic household and do not marry him.
Do not bring up your girls around a man that treats you so badly or they will grow up thinking that is normal and allow themselves to be treated that way too.
If you can't leave him for yourself then please do it for them.

Onemansoapopera · 17/12/2018 18:34

He ours giving you big neon flashing signs that he doesn't give a shit. Be brave and get it finished!

Thingsdogetbetter · 17/12/2018 18:34

Him cheating is the least of your worries. He's a grade A twat. You've been together for 4 years and he was only nice to you for less than half of that! You are now his domestic slave and emotional punch bag.

Do not marry this man! If you think it's bad now, it'll be worse after you are legally bound to him.

Do you have friends or family you can go to? Be honest with them, don't minimise or hold back! Start saving like crazy, get your ducks in a row and run. Fast!

Littleraindrop15 · 17/12/2018 18:37

The hills are to your right please run to thsm quickly!

Aussiemomof2 · 17/12/2018 19:03

I do have both family and friends, family would be easier to stay with as friends still think hes a great guy.

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Aussiemomof2 · 17/12/2018 19:06

the 2 year old is his, the 14 year didnt met him right away because of the perverse bad relationship. But I agree not to bring boyfriends around children unless it serious

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 17/12/2018 19:09

Leave him.
Call off the engagement. Sort out a school for your DD and leave.

He's telling you he doesn't care without opening his mouth. Hand him back the engagement ring and show your DD not to put up with such shitty treatment from a man.

EllenRipley · 17/12/2018 19:13

Please leave him. Set a good example for your DD and find your happiness.

He's an absolute piece of shit and you know what you need to do.

Aussiemomof2 · 17/12/2018 20:45

The engagement ring is actually mine, my dad gave him to gem stone he cut. as for calling it off i tend to agree with you

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VietnameseCrispyFish · 17/12/2018 21:02

It’s ran its course and now you need to move on, he has already in all but practicalities (housing).

DianaT1969 · 17/12/2018 23:50

Half way through your OP I was bewildered as to why you called him your fiance. In what world is he a man you would want to marry? He shows no signs of wanting to marry you either. I know it's hard to make the break, but run don't walk. Get your life back on track again.

PouchofDouglas · 18/12/2018 05:35

You sort:
The house
His mother
Domestic
The ring
The dinner date
The kids
What do you get from him?!

Butterfly44 · 18/12/2018 05:43

Without a doubt leave. For yourself and for the kids. This is not any kind of relationship. He has zero respect or care for you...or the kids to treat you like that.

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger · 18/12/2018 05:50

Bloody hell he is a grade a twat isn't he! What's they saying again? He's telling you who he is - listen to him?

Affair or not - he's treating you (and your kids) like dirt. Surely you marry for mutual love, respect and fidelity - sounds like they're only coming from one half of the partnership.

BackInTheRoom · 18/12/2018 06:14

Urgh, he sounds vile OP. It's an awful situation and I know how difficult this is for you but get out of there. You tried your best you really did but he's not who you thought he was. I'm so sorry 💐

Kumali · 18/12/2018 06:19

Sorry OP it's devastating when the life you planned goes up in smoke. But this won't change, only for the worse. Make plans to leave him. He's checked out emotionally anyway, he's left you first.

HSarah · 18/12/2018 06:45

Just leave him. He sounds appalling to be quite frank.

Aussiemomof2 · 18/12/2018 13:22

It use to be a partnership, and looking at it know and reading all my thought of what happened. Its like how did it get to this point. He use to be a great guy, was it an act and now we are comfortable this is true self.

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StormTreader · 18/12/2018 13:28

Why would you consider still marrying him for a second? Get out, get your life back on track, be happy again!

Aussiemomof2 · 18/12/2018 14:01

I never said i would still considering marrying him, all I was saying was how did it get to this point and he use to be a nice guy, he put on a good act'

OP posts:
StormTreader · 18/12/2018 14:14

"I am not sure what to do, we are meant to getting married in September but i just dont know anymore. "

This really sounds like you are still planning to...

Aussiemomof2 · 18/12/2018 15:04

Not really my intent for it to come across that way. More like how did i not see it

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Butterfly44 · 20/12/2018 10:24

Unfortunately people change. Yes for some it's acting ....nice at the start and then true colours show. By that time their partner is emotionally involved and hopes they return to how they used to be.
Or it could be he really meant how he was but things have changed...fall out of love, find someone else etc...this impacts how they then go on to treat that person.
It's hard to comprehend when you have loving memories. But this is the PAST. How he is with you presently is appalling and very likely to remain so. Don't stay thinking he will go back to how he was!! Leave. You deserve better. A decent man would not disrespect you or treat you so unlovingly.

cakecakecheese · 20/12/2018 10:31

Do not marry this man. Staying with him because he used to be nice is madness. He doesn't respect you at all.