Guy I am dating won't call me his girlfriend

[PuddinginPerth]

In August/September of this year I met a guy on tinder. We had a first date in late September and since that time I have been to his Christmas party and met his best friends.

I have a few concerns, which I have listed below:-

1. He won't refer to me as his girlfriend; he says that we are exclusively dating - he won't even discuss this and any mere suggestion that the conversation is going that way sets him off - he says him telling me that he loves me should be enough for me.
2. He initially lied about being married; he only separated from his wife around a year ago and hasn't gotten divorced yet - when we started talking/dating he lied and said he was divorced.
3. He once cancelled Saturday night plans on Saturday afternoon to hang out with his friends instead.
4. He has a temper and once he is set off he tends to rant a fair bit and blame me for his behaviour.

As I am writing this, I think I know what I need to do. I think my self-esteem is so low that I think I don't deserve better. After almost 3 months of dating (and after several chats whereby we agree we are exclusive) I would have thought that I would be his girlfriend by now.

I am at the point where I have had enough, the point where I am considering dating other people. Being treated this way makes me feel empty and alone and while he professes to love me (and while he says this often constantly) it is starting to feel rather empty.

Should I just ghost him or break up with him face to face and tell him why? He is talking about me meeting his family and saying he wants to meet mine, but I don't want to introduce him.

I’d probably end it by message rather than ghosting him. Then there’s no doubt. But absolutely no way would I lust his flaws especially if he has a temper. I’d leave it at “it isn’t working for me”

List not lust!!

Yes I think you need to break up - 3 months in and you're listing some serious red flags. But ghosting isn't nice - he deserves the truth regardless of how he has behaved.

At only 3 months you don't really need to say anything than you don't see a future and feel the relationship has run its course. Wish him well and block him.

Text him. And good on you for realising you deserve better.

Sounds like you know exactly what to do already; RUN!
The hills are that way >>>>>>>>>

This guy is lying to you and treating you like an option and not a priority. He won't define your relationship and he's willing to fob you off at a moments notice with no thought as to how it might affect you. He has no respect for you.
Add to that the fact that he has a temper and he blames you for his behaviour!?!? Red flags flying high and bright for you to see right there.
Tell him to fuck right off, do the Freedom Program to help you get your self esteem back and avoid dickwads like this in future and, when you're ready, start dating again.

Oh and as for meeting your family, why would you want to introduce this person to them? He doesn't love you OP, he only loves himself and his actions towards you are showing you that clearly. Like Maya Angelou said "when someone shows you who they are, listen to them".

Wow. You need to get turned off by all of that.

Agree, don't list out his flaws. Just say ''this isn't right for me, hope you have a lovely Christmas'' and then leave it and hope he doesn't try to say he will suddenly make you his girlfriend, sigh, as thought that is a consolation for the temper.

Yeah, you know what to do. Remember to get the money back on any presents you got for him and treat yourself.

A commitment phobic liar with a temper. Lovely.
OP, I’m delighted that you have made the decision to dump him.
How you do it is neither here nor there - just go with whatever method works best for you.
And then give yourself a big pat on the back for having the self esteem and confidence to know that you deserve better. Because you do!
Better luck next time- I hope you find a decent loving man who will make you feel wanted and prized.

I would end this relationship by messaging him saying this no longer works for you. Then wish him well and block him.

Points 1, 2 and 4 (that one especially) are particularly damning. Do not further minimise such red flags here and work further on having better self esteem (this bloke and such types are not going to help with this) and higher boundaries. Look at having counselling for your own self, consider the Freedom Programme run by Womens Aid.

Point 4. Dump him and move on.

@SandAndSea - when he asked if we were getting each other presents this year I replied no. I honestly don't have the money, but also I don't want crap that I am going to have to pretend I like and then have to get rid of.

He admitted recently that his behaviour changed (treating me better) because he didn't realise how great I was. I think this is BS. I don't want to introduce him to my family because I don't see a future with him. I don't see a future with him because he won't acknowledge we are in a relationship.

My sister said I should just show how great I am to be with so that he wants to be with me, it has got to the point wherein I just don't care anymore. I have checked out. The last time he hugged me I felt absolutely nothing.

The message he is giving you loud and clear here is that he is happy to be exclusive with you but doesn’t want a relationship. My current DP was like this for a long while at the start of our relationship. He told me he wanted us to be exclusive, as in he had no interest in seeing anybody else, but he didn’t want a serious relationship whereby there were expectations of something more coming from it.

Obviously that changed as we’re now together but honesty looking back, I should have walked because it made me feel like utter shit. At three months in, it’s easy enough to break ties.

@PuddinginPerth - I'm trying to think how to respond politely to what your sister has said... You really shouldn't have to put on any kind of act.

I also don't like that he only started treating you nicely when he realised how great you are. Is he normally shitty to people until they prove themselves worthy? That sounds pretty yuk.

1. Your sister is an idiot.

1. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.

He sounds horrible.

@TokenGinger
I thought that things had changed because he drops hints about me being a good girlfriend, even saying his friends have called me his girlfriend and he hasn't corrected them. I originally thought it was because it was too soon in the relationship, then I thought it was because he's still married. Now I realise that it doesn't actually matter. If he doesn't want me to be his girlfriend then I don't see the point in being exclusive. I find dating exhausting and it's easier to just stay, but after our last fight which was all him I can't be bothered any more. I feel like I am done. I don't want something that is this much effort. Love doesn't feel like this.

Just for the anger and rage I'd dump him. Having lived with an agry man for too many years, if someone shows those behaviours to me in the future I'd run a mile.

Raise your head, and know you deserve more.

You've made your mind up, so send that text. Life's too short to be saddled with a loser.

I thought that things had changed because he drops hints about me being a good girlfriend, even saying his friends have called me his girlfriend and he hasn't corrected them

Crumbs. Dump him.

Tell him you've realised you want different things from a relationship so it's best to end it now and have a fresh start for a new year. I don't think ghosting is what most people want to have done to them so I would try and avoid doing it to others. Text him.

Did you post before about the claims to being divorced not add up with the dates?

And then when you asked him, he was shitty with you for his lies?

Even if that wasn’t you...

Dump him.

You have All Of The Reasons.

And you don’t need persuading - you already say you don’t see this long term.

Your sister... let’s just be kind and assume she’s naïve. Maybe save her some future heartache by buying her the book “He’s Just Not That Into You”, for future? Pretty fucking awful advice from her!

@CupsAndPentacles

Thank you!!

Basically, when he doesn't want to put a label on it - he is not into you

He has a temper and once he is set off he tends to rant a fair bit and blame me for his behaviour.

@PuddinginPerth why are you moping about a person who rants and blames you for things, not calling you his girlfriend? Added to that, just as bad, person who lies to you?

I'm not trying to be rude but please give your head a wobble???

OP you should have dumped him when he lied to you. try not be be invested in people so much next time. Have some deal breakers and be ruthless about them.