Guy I am dating won't call me his girlfriend

[PuddinginPerth]

In August/September of this year I met a guy on tinder. We had a first date in late September and since that time I have been to his Christmas party and met his best friends.

I have a few concerns, which I have listed below:-

1. He won't refer to me as his girlfriend; he says that we are exclusively dating - he won't even discuss this and any mere suggestion that the conversation is going that way sets him off - he says him telling me that he loves me should be enough for me.
2. He initially lied about being married; he only separated from his wife around a year ago and hasn't gotten divorced yet - when we started talking/dating he lied and said he was divorced.
3. He once cancelled Saturday night plans on Saturday afternoon to hang out with his friends instead.
4. He has a temper and once he is set off he tends to rant a fair bit and blame me for his behaviour.

As I am writing this, I think I know what I need to do. I think my self-esteem is so low that I think I don't deserve better. After almost 3 months of dating (and after several chats whereby we agree we are exclusive) I would have thought that I would be his girlfriend by now.

I am at the point where I have had enough, the point where I am considering dating other people. Being treated this way makes me feel empty and alone and while he professes to love me (and while he says this often constantly) it is starting to feel rather empty.

Should I just ghost him or break up with him face to face and tell him why? He is talking about me meeting his family and saying he wants to meet mine, but I don't want to introduce him.

You are ready to dump him you have checked out already.

I wouldn’t ghost him . Maybe by text and explain why.

If you read the list you have put up then ask yourself what advice you would give to an aquaitence never mind a friend

If it isn’t good now it never will be...

Not calling you his girlfriend is the least of your problems

@Ellisandra

Yes, that was me & I have re-read over everything and I have made my decision.

I can do better. I want better.

Definitely dump. Irrelevant now if he's interested in you or not - you're not that into him!

And bloody well done 👍 you can do much better

This sounds so much like my ex. We dated for 14mths and in that time I wasn't allowed to meet his friends (I'm sure he was ashamed of me or what they'd think of me), only introduced me to his family when he needed them to know I existed and so I could confirm he had to travel far to see me so he could get out of caring duties at weekends for his mum, lost his temper over the tiniest of things (which were always my fault of course) and I caught him out over several lies.

I do believe he loved me but it turned out he was still in love with an ex from 5yrs before. I found messages to her on his phone about how he still thought of her every day and will never get over her. He told her he loves her more than he'll ever love anyone else and used pet names he also used on me. I was devastated - but he made it my fault that I couldn't get over what he'd done.

We split as he can't cope with having a gf and dealing with his dying mother at the same time. I was pregnant at the time he left and we discussed abortion - then I never heard from him again.

Be very wary of the lies and gaslighting. I should have known when I met him and he was so full-on that something wasn't right about him. Do not ignore red flags. This would likely turn into a classic toxic relationship where he makes you feel good then rips it from underneath you and it's your fault it happened.

@Aquamarine1029 nailed it

If he won't say it then you're not his girlfriend... he also sounds like a tossed

Tosser*

If you meet him to finish it, wear a t-shirt saying '100% NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND'

It's fine to end it saying that this is not the relationship you want. Sod his motives.

@whatamidoingwithmylife

I've had a very similar experience (although thankfully no pregnancy complication)

He did introduce me to his family but I think that was mainly so he could have a +1 at family events.

It was really hurtful as I made a big effort with two of his kids (other 2 at uni) and I felt like I was building a family at last after losing my son's dad.

Yeah that didn't work :(

I thought that things had changed because he drops hints about me being a good girlfriend,

^
How benevolent of him.

Run 👉 👉 👉 👉

If he calls to try and get you back say 'Sorry, aren't you still married?'

My sister said I should just show how great I am to be with so that he wants to be with me,

^^

Dangerous thinking, this.

You need to introduce her to MN.

DUMP!

As Maya Angelou so wisely said:

"Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option."

Seconding the idea that your sister needs MN in her life.

Run run run, and I'm saying that because it just get worse. And you
Don't get over that stuff, in time you realise why they did it.
My ex wouldn't put a picture of me on fb when we got together - and I don't normal care, but he had his ex and ex from before ( years a part so it's not like he doesn't do it) and he wanted to be all over my stuff. He blamed it on everything but the truth he didn't want to scare other girls off! And in time he still never changed but would upload pictures of work friends ( girls)

Funny thing is having him on my social ( again only a few) I still got daily DM's. Men obviously don't scare of from being creepy.

He sounds terrible. a simple sorry just not working out text is enough. No need to explain.

Agree about setting your boundaries . After you get rid of him, sit down and think about what are your dealbreakers and write them out and put them somewhere safe and stick to them.

Sound like he just wants a friends with benefits type relationship which Tinder makes very easy. If you're after a proper relationship then break it up now and move in.

Sounds like he just considers you to be a FWB. You want more, but he doesn't. Get rid.