I wanted to cheat tonight

[lostallsandals]

Okay; not cheat.

I'm new to the office, been there a few months. Very good job, great pay. Nice people to work around.

But I was speaking to a load of work colleagues after our Christmas dinner and I really enjoyed the attention. There's one in particular I got butterflies talking to. Then I remembered you are MARRIED ffs!

What is wrong with me? I left the party with a female colleague who was getting back for the dog. I removed myself from the situation because I knew I was enjoying myself far too much

A bit of background. I'm 21 (almost 22). I got married at 19, I have a lovely 2 year old little boy. I am happy enough in my marriage but for some reason, I just wanted to live and let my hair down tonight. I wanted to see where the night took me. I didn't think of my husband at all, I only remembered I just couldnt proceed with the party like I wanted to in my head.

Common sense got me out of there. But I'm feeling a bit low in a way. I feel like I've completely skipped the drinks and nights out stage in life, flirting and snogging with a handsome bloke.

Am I just a bit unhinged tonight? I never felt this way before. I have never ever felt the need to look elsewhere until tonight. I just loved how fun it all was :( I know I'm horrible, I just thought I could get someone to make sense of how I'm feeling.

Whilst I was in conversation with the group and having such a great time and feeling so chatty, I just wanted all the married life and baby stuff to disappear. Which makes me feel horrendous now, looking at my precious boy sleeping tucked in his room tonight.

What's happening?

Do you love your husband?

I've reread yout posts and correct me if I'm wrong but you say that he loves you but not that it's reciprocated.

If the answer is no then please a have a rethink , for his sake as well as your own.

It's absolutely possible - and common, and in some ways normal - to have feelings like this no matter what age or however long you married. The difference is that if you marry later and have been around the block more then you know the grass isn't greener and it's easier to dismiss the temptation. I remember thinking I really had to 'get it out of my system' and not regret being with the wrong guys because when I did get married I'd never be wondering what if. For whatever reason (love no doubt!) you've married and had dc much younger so those what ifs are going to be stronger and last much longer. The good thing is that you're self aware and got straight on with managing them. If you can take each day and each situation as it comes rather than dwelling or anticipating or building possible encounters into a fantasy then that help. As Will focusing on your dp and dc in the now and not getting panicked by The Rest Of Your Life.

I do fear you married too young.
Saying that, I never really experienced this fun flirty 20's decade, of which you speak.
I'm not very naturally flirty. Was mainly single, desperately seeking a loving serious relationship, until I met Dh in my late 20's. You've missed out on very little!!

But you do have serious issues here, that need addressing.

This thread should be shown to all pregnant teenagers.

For what reason?

Lots of them to get married though and end up single mums, which arguably carries a larger strain.

This thread is typical I think of a lot of people.
What is not typical about this thread is that you chose to go home.
That takes a lot of strength of character.

For your very young age, you have more strength of character than women twice your age.
Yes, you never got the flirting etc. and whatever.

BUT

You have a husband who loves you.

Why not suggest to your gorgeous hubby to go out for a night on the town tonight, put on your mini, play pool together, let him hold you like ONLY HE WILL.

The hills are green far away, but the earth is scorched when you walk those hills.

I know you're young, and yes, you miss out on a lot of fun and shit, but you're also missing out on a lot of loneliness, heartache, guys just shagging you etc.

You have a man who loves you and you obviously love him. You've a beautiful family. Have the fun with nights out with your husband. He'll probably enjoy you bending over in a short skirt over a pool table, knowing that he's the guy you want to be with later.

Is your DH a lot older than you?

This is what you need to think about honey. Get more dates out with your husband. Get someone to babysit. So that you two young things can enjoy young life too. You're too young for the Discovery Channel and The Times.
Get a babysitter organised, go out, get dressed up, let him flirt with you etc. You're young. Marriage shouldn't be a sentence.

Do you love your H?

Firstly, as a good way to put yourself off....even if you were single I would be warning you off. Don't shit where you eat. Dont fuck work colleagues/have flings with them. Generally an awful idea.

Secondly you can actually have some of the fun you want without having to leave your DH.

He has missed out on the same things. Get a babysitter and go out together with some friends. It's still fun.

I was 24 when I started dating my DP but was having a very "good time" as it were, before that. Partying or whatever. I knew I had to pull myself back a little bit out of respect for DP after. So I did. But I also just invited him as long as much as possible. That way when I was drunk (or worse) and feeling amorous I already had a beauty with me to flirt with. And it is more fun with him around anyway.

Do you regularly have fun together?

The grass is always greener. At 22 my dsis has 2 kids and a mortgage. I was "partying"; sex/drugs/alcohol/clubs etc etc. I really enjoyed it but I still always wanted what she had. She probably wanted more freedom like me. But you can't have it all and long term one of them is clearly more sustainable and preferable....

Statistically people who marry young are the most likely to divorce. Just means you really do need to pay attention to how you're feeling and address it fully. Don't try and push it aside or ignore it because you don't want it simmering away down there.

OMG

This thread should be shown to everyone RTW

Because IT'S NORMAL TO HAVE SEX WITH LOTS OF PEOPLE

The pursuit of monogamy is ruining your brains peeps

I've been there, I met my husband at 19.
We didn't get married until 5 years later and then had a child, but at 21/22 I would go out after work with colleagues and think, what if I didn't have to go home?
It passed eventually, I never cheated or got too reckless, but I flirted a bit and scared myself. I had to remind myself of what I'd lose, a wonderful, happy stable relationship.
I'm about to venture into my thirties, and very happy I never acted on those impulses.
But ultimately, you need to do what's best for you (and your 2yo)

You're doing the right thing suppressing these urges. They are natural urges and you only live once but you're married and vows come first so keep them as what if fantasies to use in solo time.

I don’t get the doom and gloom from so many posters on here. Surely everyone has ‘grass is greener’ moments? Of course there are downsides to having children young, but it’s swings and roundabouts - you’ll be able to have lie-ins and nights out without arranging babysitting when many people your age are still in the nappies and sleepless nights stage, or maybe even worrying about not having found someone to settle down with. Wanting to flirt but deciding to walk away doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed!

OP could you perhaps sit down and chat with your husband? Obviously I wouldn’t be telling him you want to flirt with other men but explain to him that although you’re a mother and a wife, you’re also your own person too and being a parent and being married shouldn’t mean the end of fun

I’m 27. I’m not married and I don’t have children although I am in a long term serious relationship. I did the whole drinking and going out phase and it was great - but I wouldn’t go back to it. The hype doesn’t last long. I enjoyed it for about 2 years. And now my favourite thing in the world is staying in with DP and snuggling up. I couldn’t think of anything worse than going out now in the cold wearing next to nothing and flirting with men that meant absolutely nothing to me - however at the time I had fun and did enjoy it.

Speak to him. Explain you need freedom. Could you not agree on two nights out a month separately with friends? That way you don’t have to pay for babysitters.
Don’t forget to do fun things together aswell.

I don't think marriage is never being tempted or curious. It's whether you value what you have enough to choose it above all else.

Op I'm 28 and have been with my now DH since I was 18. We have 2 kids.

I know exactly how you feel. I never got my 'going out partying' stage either and really feel like I missed out. A few years ago all my friends were out, sleeping around, drinking and taking drugs. Meanwhile, I was at home, surrounded by washing and had 2 toddlers. But now, my friends always moan to me about how lucky I am because now they've all started wanting to settle down and are worrying they'll never find anyone ect.

Everyone saying the op got married too young, mind your own business. Everyone does things differently. You don't need to wait until you're 30 to find a husband.

Op, I dont know what the answer is but well done for not giving into the temptation. I'm sure most people have felt like you did at some point in their lives, whether they will admit it or not. It's definitely got nothing to do with the age you married.

Read the thread about Christmas do cheaters.

Dirtybadger has it.
Lostallsandals , you said:
I wondered how great it would be to flirt my pants off, shag my colleague and then feel that odd butterfly sensation of seeing them on Monday. Similar to kissing a boyfriend at school and 'seeing them the next day when you're not really talking'.

lostallsandals , the thing is that you are not in school anymore. You are an adult in a professional working environment.
Do you really wonder how great it will feel when you are the subject of office tittle-tattle? Do you wonder how it will feel when you are passed over on assignments because the office ‘ho isn’t really going to be taken all that seriously? Do you wonder how it will feel if you are brought up to HR for sexual harassment? And then you will wonder how it will feel when you have to explain to your husband why you lost your job and need a lawyer? Then he may dump you and rightly so.

You are risking your paycheck (and your marriage). That is what dirtybadger means by the phrase “don’t shit where you eat”. All men you work with are out of bounds, zero tolerance, no exceptions.

You did awesome the other night. Office Christmas parties are a mine field. But it is a one night event, now history. Leave it in the past.

Nothing wrong with how you are feeling. It will be a problem only when you act on it. You did the right thing. You have the strength to do it.

Is something lacking in your relationship? Do you validate your self worth with male attention?

Why can't you just have a normal convo with the opposite sex without there being any romantic feelings involve? Can't you have an intellectual or amusing conversation without you thinking about sex with the other person?

Treat the opposite sex like a human. You have a child now and a husband. You shouldn't be "looking" for something when you have that something.

You are in control of your thoughts. Train yourself to think of other things. It's not hard.

The pursuit of monogamy is ruining your brains peeps

You're a prostitute. Of course you would say that. Your perception is skewed.

Nobody needs sex. Humans can go without sex. It's not a right to have sex or an orgasm.

The thing is, it is not normal to have a long term relationship and not be attracted to other people. Being in a long term relationship does not mean you are sexually dead.

How you deal with that attraction is the key. If you cheat and lie, then you are not with the right person. If you acknowledge that you are attracted, but, don't act on it then you are with the right person.

@lostallsandals I have felt exactly how you have I'm mid 20s now but I've been with my dh for 9 years, no other man, two small children with him. I met a guy from my old area just saying hello and what not and then he asked for my number, I should of stopped it there and then but I was flattered by his attention, I then spent the next few months chasing after this guy and being too needy for him all whilst pushing my own dh away, what I'm saying is it's so easily done when it feels innocent I even reasoned with myself well I only live once and were just friends, but of course we was not. In the end I cut him out of my life as I felt trapped with my dh and this guy made me feel young again and excited etc, it was different from talking about kids and what's for dinner. Just be careful. I ended up telling my dh and we are closer than ever now I think I was just looking for some excitement for ME, not as a family

Can someone link to the Xmas do cheaters thing please? Be interesting to read that. Thank you x

Thing is, if you normalize a behaviour you can convince yourself that it's natural.

If when you're 40/50 Do you convince yourself that it's natural and normal for your partner to want to sleep with fertile women, as long as he doesn't act on it?

Contraception is not natural if the only purpose for sex is to procreate. You can get all your sexual needs met by your partner.