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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Could the police remove my ex if he came to the house?

37 replies

angandbaby19 · 14/12/2018 11:15

I was with my partner for nearly 6 months
I will be 11 weeks pregnant on Monday
At the start of the relationship everything was fine
He was the most sweet guy i've ever met and we had such a good time together, but after a couple of months everything started to go down bank very quickly Sad
He started to get very jealous when ever we met up, checking my phone constantly and whenever a message came through he would grab it straight away, we had a argument about this and he said he would stop and he did, things got alot better and i thought it would of been ok from there, but i was so wrong he lives about a hour away so we didn't see each-other every day or anything, i found out i was pregnant and from there things have gotten so so bad, he called me on video chat every single night to make sure i was at home and wanted me to walk around the house making sure nobody else was with me, this week hes turned. On Monday we spoke over the phone and he said 'if i catch you with another man i will smash your f#%^ing face in'
I told him this was so wrong! Not only to threaten me like this but im carrying his child wtf?
Hes started to drink alot and last night called me drunk and was threatening me again but this time it was worse 😢
I've told him its over, i don't want to be with him anymore, he's dangerous!
I'm thinking about my baby, and i can't have a man like that around us, and i will protect my baby at all costs for us to escape this man.
He's very very jealous (ive never cheated in this relationship) even if i go to the shop (because there is a man who is also from his country) he calls me until i leave because he said he likes me? ( which is not true! Hes fucking married for one wtf )But he seems to be only jealous of men who are from his country Confused
Anyhow i blocked him on everything last night after receiving 14 missed calls from him, after i told him it was over.
Im just so worried that he will start drinking and come to my house or something (i live alone)
I'm scared of this man, and i'm scared that he could hurt me if he wanted to Sad
I went to my mums last night i was so so upset
My question is, if he came to my house drunk, would the police remove him? And if he did, is there something i could do to stop him coming again?
Please no negative comments, i'm trying to get away from this situation, i just need advice and a hand hold Sad

OP posts:
DollyRose · 14/12/2018 11:22

Oh dear glad to hear you'll put you and baby first
Of course it's your property and even if he isn't violent they will still remove him. You can ask for a restraining order so he can't come near you or your house. If he does the police will arrest him.
If it gets too bad maybe look into getting CCTV
Hope everything is ok

NotTheFordType · 14/12/2018 11:25

Is he on the tenancy agreement?

If no, yes the police will remove him
If yes, they probably won't unless he's causing a disturbance

Original poster
angandbaby19 · 14/12/2018 11:26

@NotTheFordType no he's not

OP posts:
cheesywotnots · 14/12/2018 11:30

If he has no right to be at the house the police can remove him, call 999 if he comes to the house and frightens you, see if you can arrange an emergency restraining order. Do you rent your house.

Original poster
angandbaby19 · 14/12/2018 11:32

@cheesywotnots yes i rent the house x

OP posts:
astoundedgoat · 14/12/2018 11:35

I would call the police now and tell them that this man has made physical threats and has escalated his behaviour very quickly and that you are afraid for your safety. Get a paper trail in place right away with the police.

What is his immigration/citizenship status?

Also, more generally speaking, do you want a baby right now?

Let the police know now, this morning. It just takes 5 mins to call your local station and have them make a note of it. They will take it seriously. Just say what you said here - you are very clear.

Original poster
angandbaby19 · 14/12/2018 11:41

@astoundedgoat yes of course i want my baby.
And i think he's asylum seeker

OP posts:
astoundedgoat · 14/12/2018 11:54

Report it now, get a record of it. Be very clear that you fear for your safety.

Original poster
angandbaby19 · 14/12/2018 11:58

I have called my local police station, they have took some details they are sending 2 officers around to have a talk with me about the threats and what i want to do about it

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 14/12/2018 11:58

Call the police every single time. Can you stay at your mum's for a while?

PatriciaHolm · 14/12/2018 12:00

Report his threats. And yes the police will remove him.

You need to be realistic though; by having his baby, you are giving him a reason to remain in the country, and a permanent link to you.

DeloresJaneUmbridge · 14/12/2018 12:05

I'd be tempted to tell him you've had a miscarriage. You can protect your baby while it's still in the womb. Once baby arrives there will be a while new issue with contact.

Oh how sad ex partner, I sadly lost the baby".

Don't put him on the birth cert either.

Snowwontbelong · 14/12/2018 12:07

Agree tell him there is no longer a baby.
And police every time he threatens you.

anniehm · 14/12/2018 12:20

A restraining order can be taken out if it's considered that their is a risk to you. If he is an asylum seeker and you are threatened by him I suspect it's enough to have his claim turned down - I too would suggest you say there's no baby, and seriously you must consider do you want a permanent link to this person in a child? Everyone has different opinions on abortion but in such circumstances you would be justified imho

DeadBod · 14/12/2018 12:27

Regardless of whether he's on the tenancy agreement or not, this man has made threats to you and you are frightened of him, of course the police would remove him.
So glad that you have reported him.

Original poster
angandbaby19 · 14/12/2018 12:28

I love my baby there is no way i would stop my pregnancy
Here's the thing, he wants to keep my pregnancy private, he told me not to tell anyone that its his baby, because he is religious and it would bring 'shame' to him if his family back home found out/ any of his relations here
He's never told anyone back home about me and him also
( he wasn't bothered about his religion when he was sleeping with me Hmm)
He told me before ages ago don't contact the police for anything, he's very strict about the authorities and not knowing anything about him Hmm
But in this position i feel i have no choice but to call the police, as i've said before i am protecting my baby.

OP posts:
RB68 · 14/12/2018 12:32

Call the Police and log all the instances so far - if you can keep screen shots or get them printed do that. Your documentation of the abuse IS evidence. If you have witnesses even better.

He is controlling (phone calls on visit to shop) and verbally abusive, plus also threatening physical abuse - I would say better safe than sorry log it all, get legal advice regarding no contact orders and no harrassment etc (non molestation). I say this as he will continue to harass you, you are carrying "his" child even if you don't put him on birth certificate he could potentially be offered contact or chased for payments etc and as such could continue to harass you. By showing his abusive behaviour towards you whilst pregnant you may be able to make a case for refusing PR and removal of any contact etc

Dirtybadger · 14/12/2018 12:34

Report him (as you have)

Also as you have realised he is dangerous. I know it might be embarrassing but I would let your neighbours know that you are having issues with your ex boyfriend and that they don't need to do anything but please could they contact you if they see him skulking around, and give them your number. And advise them please not to disclose any information on your whereabouts and that sort of thing if he asks.

cheesywotnots · 14/12/2018 14:25

Perhaps you could move somewhere else, is that possible and also contact women's aid, if he doesn't want anyone to know about you or the baby then something is suspicious, could he be married back home. Do you know where he lives, the police could talk to him and tell him to stay away from you.

TheVanguardSix · 14/12/2018 14:39

I’d move.
I’d tell him you lost the baby.
I can’t emphasise this enough: He will make your life hell and nothing and nobody can protect you from a dangerous person with a vendetta. And he sounds like just the type of guy who would develop a dark set against you (he already has!). Don’t underestimate how dangerous this man is and don’t overestimate the protection of police.

Once this baby is born, even if he’s not named on the birth certificate, he can fight tooth and nail for his parental rights. The worry here is that he’ll take matters into his own hands. I wouldn’t want my child in the hands of such a ‘parent’.

Big, huge hassle that it is, I’d pretend to miscarry and then I’d disappear (new area completely). It’s worth turning your life upside down in the short term. Believe me. Flowers

BMW6 · 14/12/2018 18:46

Oh OP you could be in such danger from this man, and so could your child.

I agree with others to fake a miscarriage and get as far away from him as possible.

TemptressofWaikiki · 14/12/2018 23:43

It has been my experience that those who are so OTT jealous are often chronic cheaters and very much project their own lack of morals and bad behaviour on to their partner. He wants no one to know about your baby probably means that he is married and does not want anyone to find out about your pregnancy. His attitude and insistence to avoid the police and other official bodies could mean that he may not be in this country legal. This might hopefully make him leave you in peace if the police has been alerted.

ReanimatedSGB · 15/12/2018 00:00

Remember that what he thinks doesn't matter and you do not have to obey him or worry about pleasing him, because he is an abusive prick you have dumped.

PP make a good suggestion that you tell him you lost the pregnancy (via text or email, don't speak to him) and move away. When your DC is old enough to ask questions, sort out an age-appropriate version of the truth that doesn't make the DC feel bad about him/her self and hopefully you will never have to see the wretched man again.

Godowneasy · 15/12/2018 01:09

If he finds out that you've had the baby he could demand a DNA test and it could entitle him to stay in this country legitimately You will probably have to have regular dealings with this nasty violent andvolatile man for the next 18 years and he's likely to frighten the life out of you and your child.

I'd think very carefully about all the implications about going ahead with this pregnancy. If you still decide to go ahead, It would be wise to move out of the area and ensure that you don't leave any clues behind you.

ReanimatedSGB · 15/12/2018 15:27

He need not find out, though. If OP blocks him and moves away, he will probably find some other poor woman to harass - unless he's got a lot of money, it will be too much effort for him to get lawyers, etc.

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