DP just lost the plot

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Having a crap week, had very little sleep as have a poorly 2 year old, just got in from another trip to A&E.

We have been trying in vain to give DD her medicine, the way DP was trying just was not working, I suggested another way and he totally lost it, started screaming at me calling me a prick etc. When I told him not to call me that he shouted that he was going to smash my fucking jaw in then smashed up a chair in another room.

I’ve taken me and DD upstairs who heard all of this but didn’t see it and told him to leave.

He isn’t going anywhere by the sounds of things.

DS is asleep and DD is too poorly to drag out in the cold at this time.

What do I do? He has never threatened me or been violent before. I’m devastated.

You call the police.
Sounds utterly terrifying. Call them straight away

You need to get safe now.
Do you have someone who could come fetch you? Brother, parents, friends? She's I'll but you need to get out in case he hits you.
Bashing a chair instead of your jaw is no comfort at all!!

Or police, yes.
They take domestic violence seriously and will make him leave.

Phone the police. That isn't normal behaviour. You don't treat people you care about like that.

I was terrified. I grew up witnessing horrific DV and he knows that.

I’m not ready to deal with the police being involved as daft as that sounds. I just want to rest, I’m physically and emotionally exhausted.

I know he’s no treat at the minute, he’s gone to bed and will be out before I’m up in the morning.

Going to think about my next step once I’ve had some sleep.

He reckons I threw something which hit him - he was in a different room and I threw a soft toy at a wall in frustration which I shouldn’t have done but I didn’t deserve the reaction I got. Sorry to drip feed, my brain is all over the place.

What a horrible thing to happen. I'm glad he's calmed down and is asleep, I hope you get a good night's sleep but that sort of behaviour must be seriously addressed and soon.

He’s using that as an excuse. He’s minimising. Get out and ring the police.

Threatening you and smashing up a chair is not 'no threat'. This is so fucking far from normal behaviour I'm stunned you are not calling for help. You have children in the house who would have heard that. Ok they may be to young to understand but it must have been so frightening.

Don't let him think he can treat you this way, it's just awful. And once it's happened once with no consequence for him........

I think you are minimising what has happened..shock /exhaustion whatever but please be safe. The police wil help.

Do you have a friend with whom you can stay for tonight, and also possibly the next night as well?

I would get yourself and your kids safe, ASAP. More than that, send a clear and unambiguous signal that his actions have consequences i.e. if he is violent, you're done with him. Don't just stay in the house and let life carry on as normal, otherwise it may well lead to him thinking that it's not as big of a deal as it is. At which point it will just happen again, more easily.

I have no where to go and no one to call.

I’m about £700 into my overdraft thanks to my car failing it’s MOT.

Is there a way of logging this with the police without him knowing? I need to make get out plan but he will make it hard if he knows that’s what I’m planning on doing but I also want the police to be aware. I’m probably making no sense whatsoever so apologies.

I really think you should call the police, but if you're too scared to do that, you could call the Women's Aid /Refuge helpline.

Call women's aid. You can't spend another night in the house with him.

I will call WA in the morning.

I’m not minimising what he did by the way, I just need some sleep and so does my DD, she’s so poorly.

You've got a volatile man in the house and you've got kids there

It's basic safeguarding. Call the police he will be removed. Will take half an hour. Then you can rest properly instead of with half an ear open listening for his next move

I think you can send a PM to the Police on Facebook or perhaps on your Police Force website. The hh (horrible husband) will not hear you talking that way.

Are you in your daughters room? Can you get all the kids in one room, and block the door?
He’s obviously volatile- if your daughter cries in the night for example, it could trigger him again.
Text someone you trust and let them know what’s going on.
I understand re: wanting to wait until morning, if you must wait, when he leaves call the police and a locksmith.
I’m so sorry for you.

My DM is here and we are packing up some stuff getting ready to leave.

Her house will be really overcrowded with us in but it will have to do until I can get a housing association or council place. There is no way I can clear my overdraft and credit card and privately rent a place only working 12 hours a week.

I’m back at work tomorrow so will see if I can get some more hours and will need to get the ball rolling to find new childcare for the DCs.

There is so much to do, if anyone could offer any basic advice as to what to do now that would be great. For a bit of information, we are not married and the house is in his name. Shit position financially but looking on the positive side, it means it makes leaving a little less complicated and less things for him to argue with me about.

He is still blaming me and minimising, the lack of sincere apology has made this decision so much easier.

Thank you to everyone who took the time to comment last night, you really made me realise that his behaviour is wrong and I am not to blame.

Well done. You are doing the right thing. I would speak to womens aid and shelter to see what your position is. Best of luck.

That must have been terrifying for you OP, hope you're ok and you stay away from him

Well done, you are doing absolutely the right thing. Stay strong.

Women’s Aid can offer advice and services to help you: www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/what-can-womens-aid-do-for-me/

You've done the right thing op. What he threatened is horrific. Your poor kids hearing that. I'm glad you're out.
Did you end up contacting the police in any way? I really think you should have it on record with them.

I am going to contact them tonight.

Does anyone know where I stand on blocking his number etc? Can I do this with kids being involved.

I don’t mind going through his Mum, she is wonderful and will be fuming when she knows what he has done.

Jeez, how scary that exploded like that. We all are capable of losing it when under extreme stress, but threatening to smash your jaw is beyond acceptable.

I hope you managed to get some sleep and your dd is feeling better xxx

I agree you need to call the police and to just have them register the incident. They won't necessarily contact him if you state you are not looking to take further action. The reason this is important to do Is that it is an official record of his behaviour which you may need in future if you end up going down the court route regarding access/visitation arrangements for the children.