DP just lost the plot

[RedLightIndicatesDoorsRSecure]

Having a crap week, had very little sleep as have a poorly 2 year old, just got in from another trip to A&E.

We have been trying in vain to give DD her medicine, the way DP was trying just was not working, I suggested another way and he totally lost it, started screaming at me calling me a prick etc. When I told him not to call me that he shouted that he was going to smash my fucking jaw in then smashed up a chair in another room.

I’ve taken me and DD upstairs who heard all of this but didn’t see it and told him to leave.

He isn’t going anywhere by the sounds of things.

DS is asleep and DD is too poorly to drag out in the cold at this time.

What do I do? He has never threatened me or been violent before. I’m devastated.

Sounds terrifying.xx Set up a universal credit claim now, it takes 6 weeks for you to get your first payment but you can request a loan on it. This is one of the first things you should do. xx

You can choose how he is in contact regarding the dc, etc. Speak to the police about what happened and that'll back you up should it come to court, you need that paper trail.

Ideas: he's only to contact you by email regarding contact with the dc etc, and blocked otherwise. Or change your number and get cheapo phone for your old number, and only pick up messages from that one when you're mentally prepared. Or he's only to contact you through third parties. Get advice from women's aid on the best way to handle it.

Hi OP, just thought I'd mention it can be hard to get through to Women's Aid on the main national number so you can either keep trying/leave a message or scroll down this link www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/ til you get to 'Search by region or local authority' enter your town and it will give you contact details for your local services. The phone lines aren't usually open 24 hours like the national number but it's usually easier to get through and speak to someone during office hours.

They can absolutely help you figure out what to do next though so please do call. Wishing you and DC all the very best, you've been very brave getting yourselves out of there

Wow - decisive and strong - well done OP.
So many stay and it improves for a while and in the next explosion they end up in hospital with an actual smashed up jaw.
Well done on saving yourself and your DC from that!

Please do contact Womens Aid. Shelter can help with housing and CAB can help with what you are entitled to.

You can block him and have contact via his mum if you prefer that.
For now though just make sure you get yourself some headspace.
Would your mum field your messages and calls until you feel you can handle it all?

Fantastic work OP, great to hear you're out and safe. Even better that his mum is going to be onboard with you. Every iota of support you can get is helpful at this stage.

I don't have much practical advice because it's not a situation I've ever had to be in, but the others have made some great suggestions for Women's Aid etc etc.

Sending you positive vibes and digital hugs.

Get all your stuff out ASAP- easier to make a clean break.

Work out if you’re better off with tax credits or universal credit (if you’re upping your hours) before making an application, if both are still available in your area.

Look at child maintenance application.

Get your name down for a HA house.

Take some time to just “be” over Christmas- you need some time to adjust.

After Christmas you can think about work, childcare etc.

I was there about 18 months ago.

Within 3 months was back at work f/t in a new, decent good job, had found and furnished a house and sorted childcare.
I’m only just NOW starting to feel psychologically level- it’s so hard, and I can honestly say, I should’ve spent more time on that at the start of this process- it would have made the following year much easier

How are you, OP? Have you called Women's Aid yet?

I just wanted to respond to this:
"There is so much to do, if anyone could offer any basic advice as to what to do now that would be great."

Housing:
Make a homeless application to your local council. Tell them about the abuse when you apply, and it should be considered, although they will most likely want evidence. This is why reporting to the police - or women's Aid at least - is so important.
You will need to apply for social housing and the fact that you and DD are homeless and staying with your mum should make you reasonably high priority. If your mum can't accommodate you the council should be able to offer emergency/temporary housing.
For more advice on housing, Shelter are really good. Their helpline is open every day and the number is 0808 800 4444.

Money:
Your ex will have to pay child maintenance, visit cmoptions.org for more info. I suggest you call and get them to set it up as it doesn't sound likely that he will pay voluntarily.
I think you are very likely to be entitled to benefits, given that you have a 2yo, only work 12 hours a week, and I assume you have no savings (given the overdraft). You can use an online benefits calculator like Entitledto or Turn2us to check what you would get. If Universal Credit has been introduced in your area, you would apply for that. If it hasn't been introduced yet, you would apply for income support and child tax credits (plus Housing Benefit and Council Tax Reduction once you've found somewhere new to live).

Hope that helps. Best of luck.

I work for DWP - you can make a universal credit claim online (if you haven’t already done so) you will get £317.82 a month for yourself and around £560 for both kids. You won’t get your first payment till 5 weeks after you’ve made your claim - shit I know - but you’ll be able to get a new claim advance as soon as you’ve been for your first appointment and had your ID verified. This will be made as a same day payment because of your circumstances. The ID appointment has to be attended within 5 working days of making your claim so you’ll get an appointment pretty soon after you make your claim.

With regards to income - as you’re not claiming housing costs yet, there will be a £398 disregard on any earnings. Any earnings in excess of £398, 63p in every pound will be deducted from your UC. When you start claiming housing costs the earnings disregard is £198. (Hope that makes sense!)

Also, get on to the Child Maintenance Service - they’re based in Belfast and will do the claim over the phone for you. They’re great from what I can remember when I made a CM claim but, again, it takes a while to get the ball rolling and get some money. If he works (paid employment, not self employment) they’ll just take it straight from his wages and you get it a couple of days after they collect it.

I know it’s a whole load of information to take in but you’ve taken the biggest step by leaving him. You just need to think of the bigger picture here and how you will be in a much better place in a few months or so.

I wish you and your children the best of luck

P.s. Universal credit has been rolled out throughout the UK as of the 8th December this year so you’ll be able to go online and apply. As you’re not claiming housing costs, the application will be pretty straightforward.

UC also pay 85% of child care costs - for when you get childcare sorted.