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Original poster

4 jobs. 2 continents and she's still keeps popping up.

50 replies

lolaflores · 13/12/2018 15:44

DH works in a field that has a smallish world. At his level of seniority, folk have passed one another along the way, more than once but mostly from client to contract etc. kinda bouncing round.
He has worked with one woman since leaving uni, which was about a year before we met some years ago now (high teens).
Dh has had perhaps 5 company changes in that time. In 4 of those she has been either in his department or in the company.
She was working with him when were abroad.
She came home when we did.
Dh left that company...so did she and popped up alongside him.
DH has now moved on and guess what....
He only mentioned this yesterday, he has known since late September.
We have met 3 times and she has looked v. uncomfortable twice and the third time got shitfaced, gave me slobbery kisses and cried! I was sober
I passed it off...but it set something like a hum going in my head.
This new job is a long commute for her, (my dh too) but she has a family no partner.
I don't know why she makes me feel so insecure. However, reading some of the carry on on here, I am keeping a close eye.
The job hopping is starting to look deliberate now.
They have techy jobs and a language I don't really understand so not conversations I can get involved in and she doesn't seem to be a relaxed person. She sat on the other side of the room with a pillow squeezed round her middle when we tried to chat.
Fuck Knows but it just made me go mmmmmmmm..
Dh has known her forever, maybe she is a blindspot for him, or not. I haven't said anything to him but gave it the side eye when he said it but let him ramble on about it.

OP posts:
IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 13/12/2018 15:50

Yeah, it's a bit stalkery isn't it? I'd talk to my dh and tell him I was uncomfortable. I'd want him to avoid her.

redexpat · 13/12/2018 15:56

Could be something, could be nothing. I find I get quite comfortable with colleagues but then never know what to say to their spouses. And you said its a small world in that industry. Surely if she had a thing for him she would have made a move by now?

Original poster
lolaflores · 13/12/2018 15:57

She and I are poles apart different. Couldn't fund much in common between us. I don't like her. I want to like her but she is standoffosh. I can talk to a wall, it's no problem, I can wrinkle any fickle out of its shell...usually. this one resisted all charms and forms of approach so I got a big go fuck yourself message.
M

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Original poster
lolaflores · 13/12/2018 16:00

My DH may not have noticed a move...I hope. She is clumsy and awkward but a sloppy drunk. Lacks confidence socially. I don't see her ad a femme fatale but what do I know. Maybe she has had a lunge but got turned down.
Sheisbthe only person who he has beenin so many different companies in his career of 20+ years. Head hunted for 2 and she still kept tabs

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HavelockVetinari · 13/12/2018 16:01

Ooh, my alarm bells would be jangling at that and I'm normally a believer in coincidence. What does your DH say? Any unexplained absences etc.?

DaffoDeffo · 13/12/2018 16:02

I think that is bloody weird

DaffoDeffo · 13/12/2018 16:03

she may just have a crush on him - and he doesn't reciprocate. But it would definitely make me go hmmm too tbh

Original poster
lolaflores · 13/12/2018 16:10

No disappearances or unexamined anything but he just kinda dropped that she had turned up at new job.
He's aware I'm a not happy about her and he is soft. His compassion ate side, especially for women is largely hidden but runs deep...parents were volatile shall we say.
I trust him, I think, but willing to keep an objective eye out.
This ew move has really surprised me.

OP posts:
TellItLikeItReallyIs · 13/12/2018 16:14

We have met 3 times and she has looked v. uncomfortable twice and the third time got shitfaced, gave me slobbery kisses and cried!

Unlikely she's having a sexual affair with him if she's giving you slobbery kisses.

She'd be avoiding you especially if she's drunk.

That's not to say it's impossible there's a sexual affair there. It could l be. It maybe they have an emotional affair/overly close friendship going on.

It could just be that they just work well together and feel safe relying on one another. I know a number of people (heterosexual/different sexes) where there is a very close working relationship - more mentor/mentee style where if you don't work in the field it might look a bit suspicious but it's just a reliable working team where they just work very well together and have got used to each other and they way the other works - a good working fit if you will.

So no idea.

My money says probably not an affair as she'd stay well away from you if she was drunk. She'd be too worried she'd blurt out something.

ginnylocks · 13/12/2018 16:20

or she may have been over compensating when drunk to try and make it seem that she's ok with you???

LemonTT · 13/12/2018 16:24

Meh, it's not unusual for teams to regroup under different employers. I have worked with some people more than a few times but under different employers. Some of it is coincidental some of it deliberate. We headhunt them into the teams. Or they come looking to work with people they like to work with or who they trust. Its really not that unusual for people to like to work with certain people.

I think you are reading too much into this and i am not sure what you will achieve apart from making your husband uncomfortable around her. What then, he gets rid of her or acts differently towards her from a senior position. All based on what? If you weren't his wife it would sound like malicious office gossip.

Original poster
lolaflores · 13/12/2018 16:25

I have had such mixed messages from her on a personal level. She does seem needy round him. Not interested in general conversation
..hogging. dare I say territorial.

I'd like to clip her wings and just lay out a very clear boundary but I don't have a full handle on the temperatures

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SandyY2K · 13/12/2018 16:30

Has she had a partner in the last few years that you know of?

It does seem strangely coincidental.

Does he travel away for work a lot?

Original poster
lolaflores · 13/12/2018 16:33

No to a partner for quite some time. He does have trips but I don't know if she is ever on them. Xmas food lunch in a pub ir something. They don't commute together.
We are talking about moving to where his job is as so many of the industry have offices there.
She is moving in January.

OP posts:
MamaDane · 13/12/2018 16:44

Tbh I kind of think they are having an affair.

Original poster
lolaflores · 13/12/2018 16:47

I think something is going on but not to what level.
I'm SAHM. She's really successful and they have worked closely together.
I just have this question in my head but not sure if she is maznovering and he is oblivious or so.ething more coordinated. Bit would he tell me her plans?

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Musti · 13/12/2018 16:54

It sounds like she's awkward around people and doesn't know how to converse outside of work topics. She may get drink to make social occasions easier for her. Maybe she finds it difficult meeting new people which is why she moves to be with her colleagues. I wouldn't worry from an affair point of view though.

sar302 · 13/12/2018 16:56

I think you almost have to take the working together / following each other from job to job out of the equation. My husband and his friends work in tech, and whenever he or any of his past colleagues / friends get a new job, there's always a call out to see if anyone wants to come and join them. It's a small industry, particularly when you're dealing with niche roles / people at the top of their game.

Yinv · 13/12/2018 17:00

I don’t like the sound of it personally.

Either she is a stalker or he’s having an affair with her. It’s hardly a coincidence is it.

Original poster
lolaflores · 13/12/2018 17:03

Agree to folk following one another but no one in his career has moved so many times to the same companies and I know the list if people who's paths he has crossed and she is nearly got full house.
It could be her own attachment to him that's platonic...but the house move to boot is a new level.

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Notquiterichenough · 13/12/2018 17:06

Sounds like she's got a crush on him. Can't you just ask him? Doesn't mean they're having an affair.

I've known this to happen with a man, who has always been in love with a male friend, who is straight. He's pretty much followed him around the world job wise.

sar302 · 13/12/2018 17:13

Hmmm - just reread the 2 continents thing 😳

Cherries101 · 13/12/2018 17:16

In some industries this is normal. For example within banking, when hiring some types of very senior or specialist risk management roles, there may only be 50-100 people globally who are suitable!

HollowTalk · 13/12/2018 17:20

So he normally tells you about her moving to where he is, but he didn't this time?

Has he ever moved to her industry? Has she worked in many other jobs, so that it's only some that they've worked in together?

Original poster
lolaflores · 13/12/2018 17:24

I think I'll have to day how I feel andnhow things look to me. I gave a rather flat reaction to the news to signal my lack of enthusiasm but I think be didn't pick it up or swerved it.
He does need more direct messages in general but I hate looking neurotic. I am so proud of him but not of myself and I feel like this could come across as spur grapes. Envy etc

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