4 jobs. 2 continents and she's still keeps popping up.

[lolaflores]

DH works in a field that has a smallish world. At his level of seniority, folk have passed one another along the way, more than once but mostly from client to contract etc. kinda bouncing round.
He has worked with one woman since leaving uni, which was about a year before we met some years ago now (high teens).
Dh has had perhaps 5 company changes in that time. In 4 of those she has been either in his department or in the company.
She was working with him when were abroad.
She came home when we did.
Dh left that company...so did she and popped up alongside him.
DH has now moved on and guess what....
He only mentioned this yesterday, he has known since late September.
We have met 3 times and she has looked v. uncomfortable twice and the third time got shitfaced, gave me slobbery kisses and cried! I was sober
I passed it off...but it set something like a hum going in my head.
This new job is a long commute for her, (my dh too) but she has a family no partner.
I don't know why she makes me feel so insecure. However, reading some of the carry on on here, I am keeping a close eye.
The job hopping is starting to look deliberate now.
They have techy jobs and a language I don't really understand so not conversations I can get involved in and she doesn't seem to be a relaxed person. She sat on the other side of the room with a pillow squeezed round her middle when we tried to chat.
Fuck Knows but it just made me go mmmmmmmm..
Dh has known her forever, maybe she is a blindspot for him, or not. I haven't said anything to him but gave it the side eye when he said it but let him ramble on about it.

Do you think he or someone else in the same field had tipped her off on jobs? Because that would make perfect sense. If your colleagues are moving on to something and they recommend the company, then you may get former colleagues applying too.

What you have described just sounds like a woman you haven't clicked with. If they were having an affair I'm not sure she would have to be employed by the same company. And if she fancies him it's almost irrelevant as long as he doesn't entertain it.

Moving across continents for someone is very very weird, don't get me wrong, but it's not clear if that is actually what has happened as you stated it maybe isn't unusual in their field?....

Jury is out I think as is probably reflected by the mixed responses

Oh she does sound like a strange one. The whole situation sounds strange. Sorry you’re in it. It’s a weird one.

It’s so easy being an outsider and telling you to ask him ‘the fucks going on here then’ and all the upset it could potentially cause.

However, imagine if this was you, and this mysterious man kept popping up, after years. What would DH be thinking or saying?

He he has about 5 different companies in his career. This is the 4th she has turned up in. Tgusbis why my radar is up because she moved back from Out Foreign same time as us and out there just after we moved. Left that company on return to go to new company. Then has turned up at this place. All in the space of 18 months.
He usually gives me updates on her but he k ew about this since September and I have asked after her since then and he said he hadn't heard anything about her.
Then last night....oh yes * is in the department next door.

She is an odd little ducky alright. I am good with people and wanted to get on, be friends but I couldn't make any headway with her.
This has done nothing to make her look trustworthy in my eyes
Perhaps DH hasn't said anything as he thinks it looks weird too?
Fucked if I know the inner workings of his head sometimes. I'm all a out the grey areas and he only sees black and white. Nuances are often lost on him...or are they?

Oh I can be odd with people sometimes but not if they’re making the effort you clearly have.

Just can’t tolerste standoffish people. Once, and it may just be nerves but this is three times now. It shouldn’t take a drink to be pleasant to you. I don’t like her, I’ve decided. But this isn’t the issue.

You just focus on what matters. You, DH and the future. If you feel you’re getting to the point of torturing yourself thinking about it, you need to speak to him.

You’ll know when he lies. He is a bloke, he may be completely wrapped up in your own little world you’ve created to even notice she’s a weirdo. Someone else may well be tipping her off on jobs. But so many moves is a rather convenient occurrence

Placing a pillow in front of her when she was talking to you is her subconsciously putting up a barrier between you.
You are going to have to ask your husband straight out, but bare in mind sadly he may be giving her a reason to follow.
Good luck op

DH is quite good with women and women like him. Several girl friends have said they think he is very attractive and fun and that sort of nerdy shy idiot thing. You know?
He isn't great in groups
..that's my job and he sits back and enjoys that but he is really good one to one. He lets me go in and soften the crowd up.

I can see why she might be taken with him I'm just not sure what signals he is giving.

Her body language that day was like a banner waving across the room.
I felt uncomfortable for her and backed off as she looked like she was being tortured.
That has rarely happened to me with other women. Men. Yes But that goes with the territory and they usually calm down after a bit.
She was wrapped round that cushion for 2 hours till I I picked one up myself just to help her relax.

Hmm. Do you think she confides in your husband about things and she was thinking you maybe knew some dirty laundry?

Maybe at work she’s used to it being him and her but when faced with reality, she’s nobody really. Doesn’t have that place in your world and that made her uncomfortable

Youmatter you may have a point there. She had never seen him in his domestic life
As part of a family which us tangible not just something she has heard about. DH compartmentalized his life. His family, all of it, fit in a fiat 500. Mine needed taken in over a bank holiday weekend. This overwhelms him.
I don't think she understood him as A father and husband.
Hasn't stopped her

Whatever it is, it’s weird.

Just had a frank exchange of opinions. He was fairly shocked that I even thought that but as we talked, he said himself she is very odd and not keen on other women in the main. Has gotten into head on collisions with other female colleagues but is sweetness and light with the men. Gave me several examples which put it in context.
He also said the co.pany have been draining every other company for staff so as they are in a niche area, she was bound to pop up.
I feel a bit better but i told him he doesn't see what I see and he accepted that but assured me no way etc etc.
He also mentioned she hasn't really had a partner in at least the last 8byears but given her rather frosty manner it's not surprising.
I covered all the things that were on my mind and he was taken aback though he had been aware we hadn't clicked but he takes that for granted with her.....

Oh wow well done!

I’m glad you did this for your own peace of mind.

You both ok with eachother? I really hope you do feel better.

Just remember tonight that when you’re both on the sofa or in bed, he’s there with you. You’re a unit and talking is important.

Throw this oddball to the back of your mind and concentrate on having a lovely Christmas.

Get yourself a nice bath and destress

Oh that sounds reassuring.

I'd say its highly likely that he has had a hand in bringing her to all these companies. Which is probably fine, in these close knit industries, as soon as there's a vacancy, people thinks about who we know. He says shes odd, but does he think highly of her professionally?

Yep. He really rates her and her abilities but, says she has an abrasive personality that gets people's backs up.
He is a very forgiving and loyal person. He tolerates folk that I can't deal with but doesn't understand how Iremeber peoples names, kids names, their parents names, schoolsbthey went to, favourite colour. I am a pathalogical seducer whereas he wants to rescue everyone. I suppose.
Defender of the misunderstood while u skip around waving and singing.
I do feel better that u said it cos I can chew on a piece of nothing till its something then lose my shut over nothing.
Thanks for giving me space to express the worst of my thoughts and proceeding in an orderly fashion.

She sounds like a harmless oddball to me. Rather gauche and awkward. She may have a crush but it hardly matters, he's clearly uninterested.

That was alllllll you ❤️

I was ready to march to her house and call her an awkward slag just because I’m hormonal and full of sister solidarity.

Opposites do attract and it seems to be what keeps you at your best, bouncing off eachother. In and out of the bedroom

youmatter bless you. My menopausal hormone surges and fluxes don't help sometimes and other. But thanks for offering a top up. Maybe I can try and unbristle around the idea of her.
I know there are women who are at their best round men and not keen on other women. Generallly I think its a front or a sideways competitiveness. Either way, she won't be sat in my couch again

I would keep an eye on her if and when you can.
I don't like women who are frosty with other women.
It's not a good sign - they usually don't think twice about shitting on you.

Maevedidit I totally agree. I get the sense she has the capacity to be ruthless. I just let himself know that I see her, even if he don't. My nose is very, very rarely wrong. I have very reliable form for sniffing out a wrong un. DH well aware of this. He has dismissed observations of mine only to have to rethink the whole scenario a bit further down the line.
As I said to him...He may have a blind spot with her....

Glad you talked about it. Seems it went well.

I was just wondering if you're happy being a SAHM? Do you intend to ever work again ? Not meaning to offend you ... but I noticed you mentioned he admired her from a career POV.

I just often hear OWs say how their MM admires them career wise and the wife is a SAHM even when kids are well into their teens.

I'm aware a lot of it is the OW having a dig...but I've heard it an awful lot of times.

MM probably do say this to OW, while conveniently forgetting all the advantages having a sahw gave them. I think it is just something men say to get into a woman's knickers and to rewrite history/justify their own bad behaviour.
I would keep an eye on this woman too. Agree with pp that women who dislike other women will step on you in a heartbeat if it gets them what they want.

I’m glad you talked with Dh and it does all sound reassuring.
I had a very similar feeling, for a while, that something was going on with Dh and a client of his. I found emails which from her side, realty crossed a line. Dhs replies kind of ignored what she was saying, but having read a lot if MN, I did maybe think he was doing this in case I found the. I did speak to Dh and like yours, he said she’s like that with lots of men.
She then wanted to visit him when Dh was away for a month, it was all arranged(with my agreement), she suddenly pulled out when she found out I was also there!

And then I met her. I saw her being very huggy, kissing people, lots of chat and laughter, then someone introduced her to me . She went bright red and couldn’t get a bloody sentence out, she made an excuse, very quickly to leave me. I tried later on in the evening to speak to her and she was having none of it.
After that evening, I had the chat. He did feel she wa over the top with him and had been a bit uncomfortable, but was reassuring that there was nothing going on.
He still has to work with her, occasionally, but I’m not worried at all, I kind of feel a bit sorry for her, a 30 year old chasing after a 53 year old.

I don't take that personally sandy. It is a position that j have ended up in due to physical problems. He knows we couldn't have lived abroad if I had a career and me being flexible when he travels has made his work life less of a stress.
I had intended to return to work after dd2 but it was a decision not to and the longer I leave it, we'll, the older I get and the harder reentry looks.
Once I get the health issues under control then who knows but no realise this is not a position of strength and it worries me