Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Does anyone dream about their ex?

38 replies

Sillysausage12345 · 11/12/2018 07:00

Hi

I’m still having vivid dreams about my ex, although now they usually include his new partener and baby and are senarios that “could” actually happen.

It was a traumatic relationship and breakup and he went on to marry someone from overseas he’d only met a few times 5 months after we split. They welcomed a baby a couple months ago less than a year after they got married.

They now live in a house only a few miles down the road, one that I was involved in (built it ourselves) and it seems whenever I’m feeling down he pops into my dreams.

I’ve been dating this lovely guy, haven’t seen him for just over a week as he had xmas parties and his kids this weekend and I’m feeling like I just need a cuddle and reassurence... I guess to know I’m still wanted. What a sad state of affairs.

I’ve been single just coming up to 3 years, always lived on my own, I’m busy, independent, blah blah blah most of the time I’m perfectly happy in my own company but slowly over the years as I’ve become less self destructive I’ve noticed that all my close friends are now either married, have long term relationships or have kiddies... it’s not that I feel left out I just feel lonely, and when this happens the ex raises his big fat head. Which then in turn makes me more down and it goes round and round.

I’ve always had dreAms/nightmares, as a young child I had night terrors so it’s not unusual for me to dream I would just rather it was about something and someone else.

Anyone Have similar experiences?

OP posts:
Lottie35 · 11/12/2018 20:05

Yes! and it's totally normal , especially if it was a traumatic break-up.

My ex was an idiot who cheated/went off with someone else and now two years later they're very happy really broke me emotionally and mentally. He strung me along for months whilst seeing another girl. I believed he was the love of my life. Anyway it sounds like you were deeply affected by this man and it's your brain naturally working through things.

I feel bad sometimes because I dream about my ex and what we used to get up to and sometimes in my dreams I'm having fun with him...even though he was a total idiot. I wake up and feel like I've cheated on my boyfriend Hmm

At first I worried it meant I didn't love my boyfriend and was in love with my ex. Far from it. I love my boyfriend so much it naturally makes you feel a little vulnerable and that's when your brain starts going back to insecurities ie past relationships and ex's.

If it helps one of my heavily pregnant friends dreams about her ex a lot and wakes up relived in the morning because she's next to her husband!

I don't think you need to worry. He is playing on your mind when you feel down and you've identified that.It's because he made you feel so crap it's your go to memory or thing when you're feeling low.

Can you speak to your new man about it? not perhaps in detail but just say you feel a bit vulnerable about how your last relationship ended. If he cares he'll listen.
I get so angry that my ex pops in to my head but i don't think it means anything and i'm defo not harbouring any emotions for him (apart from maybe a bit of Angry )

CarrieBlu · 11/12/2018 20:12

Yes, I frequently dreamed about my ex for years. It had pretty much stopped until I fell pregnant the first time and has resurfaced with each pregnancy (although I dream very vividly about EVERYTHING when I’m pregnant). I don’t love him or respect him anymore, but he had me wrapped around his little finger for years and I adored him once. But it was a really unhealthy situation for me, one that I left by choice. Perhaps there is a part of me that sometimes wonders ‘what if?’ and that comes to me in my dreams, but on a day to day basis I never think about him anymore and I wouldn’t swop my DH for anyone.

sparklepops123 · 11/12/2018 20:15

No but if I was I’d surely be putting a axe in his head 🤔

ElektraLOL · 11/12/2018 20:15

I dream about many of my exes even though I don't want to get back with any of them.

Lottie35 · 11/12/2018 20:17

CarrieBlu has hit the nail on the head....unhealthy relationships in which you shoved that boy on a pedestal tend to emotionally affect you.

I just don't think you need to beat yourself up about it.

Athena51 · 11/12/2018 20:27

I have dreams nightmares about still being married to him. The relief when I wake up is immense Smile

MawkishTwaddle · 11/12/2018 20:29

Me too, Athena. I wake up in a right arse, then hear new DP snoring away and it’s like waking up early for work and realising it’s Saturday Grin

Athena51 · 11/12/2018 20:36

MawkishTwaddle I hear you. Realising that I'm with lovely, kind snorey DP instead of a controlling miserable git is heavenly Smile

Travisandthemonkey · 11/12/2018 20:47

Sounds like he put you through hell. It’s not surprising that you dream of him! It’s the one thing we can’t really control.
So, yes it’s normal, but I feel for you, it’s fucking shitty. Especially when we want to be over it.
Time time time
That’s about it. As hard as that is.
One day you won’t care a jot. But I reckon it was 10 years and in another solid happy relationship for at least 6 of those before I stopped having those dreams

kitchencurios · 11/12/2018 22:25

All the bloody time..... and I'm very happily married with 2DC!

Notcontent · 11/12/2018 22:35

Yes, I do. As someone else said, if it was a traumatic breakup, then I think you are more likely to dream about that person, because I think on a subconscious level your brain is still processing what happened...

I had a very traumatic and drawn out break up from my exH and for many years I had very vivid and often upsetting dreams involving him and his family in different scenarios. Less so now but it still happens occasionally, because I still need to be in contact with him (because of DC).

Travisandthemonkey · 11/12/2018 22:57

I would add, some of the most traumatic were when it was a happy loving dream and then something horrific happens. Mainly him being with me and then instantly being with someone else and laughing in my face or looking at me with incredulity.
It’s your brain reliving the pain. I wish I could have turned it off.
Fuck you human brain thing!!

rosenylund · 11/12/2018 23:20

Yes about the four major ones all the time, and I always wake pissed off. I'm having therapy Confused.

Whyislarryhappy · 11/12/2018 23:26

I'm happy with do. But oddly enough had a strange dream about an ex it woke me up because it made me jump! (was together on and off for 8years) we separated on bad terms. Wish I could apologise to him for the fool I was ect, but no way I have no number for him, he hasn't got social media and we live miles apart now. Prob for the best though!

Alfie190 · 12/12/2018 06:07

I have opposite experience. A year or so before I met my now DH, I was seeing somebody and when we were together he was always in my dreams. I was heartbroken when we split up and thought about his constantly for the next year. But from the day we split, I never dreamt about him again.

TheOrigBrave · 12/12/2018 06:10

I have recently had a few very, very vivid and unsettling dreams about my abusive ex. They have shaken me to the core.

I think it's cos my brain is ready to try and make sense of it all, and I have psychological support to help me.

I think it's normal but normal or not I could do without it TBH

Notcoolmum · 12/12/2018 06:45

I have dreams that I’ve taken my ex husband back. I’m full of panic trying to work out how it happened and how to get rid. I could cry with relief when I wake up!!

This thread has made me realise I haven’t dreamt about my ex partner for ages. This is good 👍

BobbinThreadbare123 · 12/12/2018 06:51

Yes I do. Mostly XH is there and being as irritating as possible. I always feel relieved that he isn't present when I wake up. He was emotionally and financially abusive and he sorted himself out with a new partner behind my back. Ugh! Shudder!

Original poster
Sillysausage12345 · 12/12/2018 06:58

Oh thank you for your replies, it’s so reassuring to know other people have gone through or are experiencing the same thing.

I’ve briefly spoken to new guy about it but he replied with “are you still feeling sorry for yourself?” Confused so won’t be getting any sympathy there then!

It’s hard talking about ex’s with new interests, I try to limit it as I want to draw a line and move on but when the ex is haunting me it seems to be at the front of my mind regardless!

OP posts:
jessstan2 · 12/12/2018 07:00

Never in a million years!!!!!

lifebeginz · 12/12/2018 09:23

I had a dream about mine last night....I wouldn't touch him with a bargepole and am very happy in a new relationship now!

lifebeginz · 12/12/2018 09:24

notcoolmum I am the same! I used to have regular dreams that I was still with my ex and wondering "how did this happen, I managed to get free from him, how did I end up back here" and then wake up with total relief that it was just a dream!

Lottie35 · 12/12/2018 10:01

Ar you sure that's the response you wanted? Doesn't sound particularly kind or supportive to me.

Travisandthemonkey · 12/12/2018 10:03

New guy doesn’t really sound very nice !

Notcoolmum · 12/12/2018 11:19

lifebeginz I know. In my dream I’m so upset with myself. I tell myself how long it took to get rid, how much better off we all were and am so worried how I’m going to tell my family and get us back out. I’m so, so happy when I wake up!