‘Ambitious, funny, smart’ - his online dating criteria

[Datinggirl]

Why does this make me think he’s a bit of an arse? Is it just me...

Does anyone else find criteria like this off putting when online dating?

I'm a bit puzzled why so many people are assuming this guy is either an arse or incompetent at OLD when he might just be trying to attract a particular type of woman.

I feel this way because to me they are subjective qualities, and it's very much like saying someone must be attractive or well dressed. One persons funny, might be another persons embarrassment, and to specify it in a profile does not mean you will get what you're after.
I would always avoid these sort of profiles as it felt like if they didn't get exactly what they were looking for they'd be try to say 'well you said you were smart' (or words to that effect) and blame me if things didn't work out.

@FearLoveAndTheTimeMachine

I'm with you on that.....The absolute cringe of them

I think it's a positive that he mentions personality characteristics rather than physical traits.

He's just making it clear that a match won't be a dull, witless, waster..

Nothing wrong with that in my eyes

OP
I’m with you on this.i did a lot of OLD before settling down and this kind of “requirement” made me cringe a little. What happened to the softer qualities, like someone nice/generous/trustworthy? Idk. Just how I feel I guess.

Not an expert at this but it did make me laugh. Hard to judge, unless you meet them in person. He could be a twat or might turn out to be amazing

I kind of get that he’s trying to convey he’s after a certain type of woman - fairly middle class, pulls her weight financially, has a university graduate level career rather than a “work to live” type, that kind of thing? Which is 100% fair enough.

I think the only inept thing he’s done is to spell it out? Many people are notorious for not reading profiles, and some women (like pps here!) will be put off as they’ll be stuck wondering if they “fit the criteria”.

For men and women you need to communicate with someone and then ideally briefly meet up to get the whole picture?

I'd want all those characteristics in a man. Nothing wrong with it. I meet two of the characteristics so probably wouldn't bother contacting him however. I'm not terribly ambitious.

I think it's fine really.

I have asked for the following:

Ideally I would like someone sharp-witted and intelligent. Basically, 'sensible' doesn't cut it for me. Yes, please have your wits about you and your life somewhat sorted, but someone boringly boring beyond boring, no matter how cute you are, is just not for me. Also, if you're overweight, no thanks. I'm not fussed about age, once you're fit and look like you live a healthy lifestyle! And please be able to spell!

And if you're religious, leave me out too. Cool.

Argghh. He says it because intelligent and educated women are the easiest to manipulate.

I hate the criteria specified whatever it is #nocrazies #nodrama #ambitious and so on

I'm considering rewriting mine to state overweight often broke single mum who has OCD and lives in leggings and uggs. Also infertile and suffers with PMT

I mean they'll find out soon enough if I date them... but I think I will only get offers to marry catfish and send them my non existent money to travel here

I think it's possible he's just struggling with what to write in the criteria bit. I agree there's nothing wrong with what he wants except that smart doesn't mean what he thinks it means unless he's American and they're definitely better, as pp said, than physical traits. It's not the best, but I'd give him a chance to show whether he is or isn't actually an arse, assuming everything else about him looks okay.

He’s done well to avoid the more obvious: pretty, attractive, sexy etc.

I’d give it a whirl- baring in mind ‘ambitious’ might rule me out!

I think it's totally fine to state what you are looking for. Better be honest than say anything to get a date. If you don't like the sound of him, move on, no problem.

Don’t see an issue with this, if I was single I would be asking for same, along with no Brexiters or porn addicts!!

"Smart" is offputting just because I prefer "intelligent", but it wouldn't necessarily stop me from replying. "Ambitious", however, would. I am not ambitious - I have a job and I work hard at it but I'm happy where I am and I don't have any aspirations to get promoted or chase for more money. I think the implication is that people who aren't ambitious are somehow lazy or spend all day sitting on their arses, when actually for some of us, it's just a matter of being content with our lot. If some people would find that actively unattractive then fine, but they might be ruling out potential partners for no good reason.

Helmetbymidnight - I couldn't agree more. It sounds like, no matter how clumsy the wording, he's saying he wants an equal. I agree with other PP that ambitious is a bit much but I'd always look for somebody who grabs life by the horns, be it in or out of work. Doesn't have to be trying to be CTO of Microsoft, but some lust for life is nice. I'd rather not find out that my SO's idea of evenings is always watching the TV and nothing more creative or intellectually stimulating.