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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I've been so stupid

44 replies

Elfsie · 09/12/2018 17:29

I know MN is not always a sympathetic place, but please be gentle because I am already beating myself up enough about this.

I got stupidly drunk last night and told a new friend via text message that I had fallen in love with him. I know he does not feel the same for me. I did say I will back off. I've had no reply and I know he has read it.

It's ruined so much. I've been so stupid. Please talk me down. I will have to face him next week. He is not the type to talk, so it will just be awkward silence. That hurts me more than a simple 'I don't see you that way'.

OP posts:
maximumcarnage · 09/12/2018 17:42

Don’t be harsh on yourself. You had a tipple, sent a message that perhaps in the harsh light of day you wouldn’t send. But hey, we’ve all done less than glorious things. Once I got drunk and told a girl I loved her, to her face. She wasn’t remotely interested and I made a proper fool of myself.

I assume you do have feelings for the guy? You might be surprised. He might, after mulling it over, be interested in you. You never know. But even if he isn’t that awkwardness will soon pass. You can always laugh it off when you see him, be honest and tell him you got a bit sloshed.

Original poster
Elfsie · 09/12/2018 17:46

Thank you. I actually started the message with 'I've had too much gin, so please don't hold this against me'...

I've been in love with the guy for the best part of 3 months. But I've always known he wasn't into me, nor has he ever been anything but gentlemanly with me. This, however, is different. It's the friendship I will miss; he has actually been the first decent man in my life.

How did you overcome the awkwardness?

OP posts:
thelaststraw123 · 09/12/2018 17:49

We've all been there I would have thought.

I did the same last night

Messaged a guy I've only been on one date with and told him how much I liked him 😁

Meeting him for second date now so he didn't hold it against me 😂😂

category12 · 09/12/2018 17:51

Brazen it out, OP, just brazen it out.

Act as you would normally with him and if he mentions it, just laugh and say "OMG, too many wines! what am I like?!" or something.

category12 · 09/12/2018 17:58

Also, everything feels worse in the grips of the hangover/beer-fear. Most people have done similar, probably he has too. Don't worry about it.

LondonCrone · 09/12/2018 17:59

Agreed — definitely mention it yourself. Make a joke, it clears the air. Next time you see him just laugh and say, “God I’m such a nightmare when I’m on the gin! I’m so sorry, it was a stupid passing thing. Can we pretend it never happened?” Then he can laugh it off, and if he wants to distance himself, let him. But it won’t spoil the atmosphere.

mimibunz · 09/12/2018 18:02

Can you write again and say oops that was meant for someone else? Or is that too lame?

DarklyDreamingDexter · 09/12/2018 18:03

Yeah, I second other people's advice. Blame it on the booze. Laugh it off as drunken nonsense.

CountessOfNowhere · 09/12/2018 18:06

Totally blame it on the booze. We've all been there x

LittleMe03 · 09/12/2018 18:08

Send another message now saying 'oh my god, I have just seen what I sent you last night. I am so sorry, I had way too much to drink'

Original poster
Elfsie · 09/12/2018 18:19

Thank you for everyone being so kind. It does help. However, the guy is way too intelligent to fall for the someone else/ booze thing. I think the message has just put a few things into place for him.

I will just have to see how he is next week.

OP posts:
Liverpool1944 · 09/12/2018 18:21

Do you work with him?

Extrastout · 09/12/2018 18:22

Sass it out!
If he mentions it, just say 'don't mention the war, I had a killer hangover' and just get on with things.

SuperSuperSuper · 09/12/2018 18:53

How do you know he's uninterested?

category12 · 09/12/2018 19:04

The guy is way too intelligent to fall for the someone else/ booze thing.

It doesn't matter if he doesn't believe you and thinks "in vino veritas" - it gives you both an out, you both adopt the convenient social position of "ha ha, alcohol" and carry on as is nothing was said. It's the British way!

Lovethesun100 · 09/12/2018 19:09

You’ve put your cards on the table - good for you Smile Why should you pretend to be just friends when you would like a relationship with this guy. Be true to yourself! Who knows he made be interested now the thought has been suggested to him Wink
If you need to laugh it off I love the above suggestion ‘don’t mention the war - I have a terrible headache !’ Grin
Good luck OP come back and let us know if anything develops!

Bluntness100 · 09/12/2018 19:09

Yeah don't do the it was for som one else, it is too cringe and will make it worse.

You're just going to have to own it and play it down to get past it. So text him and say "god, I told you I was on thr gin, ignore me. See you on Monday 🤣x"

Original poster
Elfsie · 09/12/2018 19:12

Thanks everyone. I will see him tomorrow. Will see how this plays out.

OP posts:
category12 · 09/12/2018 19:13

Just wanna clarify, I'm not in favour of the "someone else" thing, just the "soo drunk" thing. Grin

NottonightJosepheen · 09/12/2018 19:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StarJazmin · 09/12/2018 19:26

Oh OP Flowers

A friend told me he loved me once. Via text message as we were living in different countries at the time. I panicked a bit, made a joke about being loveable I think. He went quiet for a few days and then rang and said he was embarrassed and drunk when he’d said it. We remained friends, he’s married with children now. I knew he ‘meant’ it at the time but it was no biggie. You’ve no reason to be beating yourself up about just sharing your feelings. There’s not enough love in the world, even if your feelings are unrequited, don’t be ashamed of them.

Just to say, it doesn’t have to end the friendship. Take it on the chin, make a joke of it.

How long have you know him? You say you’ve been in love with him for months and he’s the first ‘decent man’ in your life. Is there something deeper going on there - that the first decent man you meet you develop feelings for? Just an observation.

ClaireElizabethBeauchampFraser · 09/12/2018 19:36

I would message saying

‘Ah, I seem to have sent you a message in error last night. How mortifying, I swear iPhones should have a breathyliser fitted before allowing access. I suppose I should be grateful that my ex wasn’t the recipient as intended, although regrettably it seems I have hit on you instead! If possible, can we please ignore my drunken message and carry on with our friendship. I am more than prepared for having the piss taken out of me!’

Emptyspace · 09/12/2018 19:38

Someone did this to me once and then said he was mortified as he was drunk. It was fine but he went on about how much he regretted it so much that I actually believed him!

ohwownosnow · 09/12/2018 19:39

Done the same. Blamed to booze and started seeing someone - it helped a lot.

Notquiterichenough · 09/12/2018 19:43

I'd just brazen it out too. It's not a crime to fall in love with someone.

I'd personally wait until I saw him, just say "sorry, too much wine. Take it as a compliment!" and then just carry on as normal. That will totally confuse him.

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