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Original poster

OLD triangle

71 replies

ru345 · 09/12/2018 12:58

After several flop relationships with mainly players over 3 years I was about to give up OLD. Then as I was leaving the site to join another new OLD site guy who had been chasing me for several months contacted me again and I agreed to meet him!

However joined new OLD site and this man asked to meet me out next day and we had 3 dates in one week! Totally swept me off my feet with wining and dining and took me away also on 3rd date as special occasion also. The sex is amazing and we seem to click! But I am getting the feeling he is just after fun as not long come out of OLD relationship and he loved her think he still does? He wants to take things slowly just enjoy us and have fun...

Anyway the other guy is lovely and wants a serious relationship (which I do too) and I could easily grow to love him as he is lovely to me and the fact we accepts me more as a package as I have a son with autism. I have met him 4 times in total for dates out.

I didn’t mean for this too happen! I have always been the one who was cheated on so feel bad and want to choose one of these men who are lovely each in different ways my heart say Mr Fun and my head says Mr Serious. Help me please I need to choose by Xmas as don’t want this love triangle and want to be with one ....or risk losing both but which one?

OP posts:
ohamIreally · 10/12/2018 05:45

You must have access to some good babysitters to be having all those dates with an autistic 14 year old at home whose dad doesn't bother with him.

Notcoolmum · 10/12/2018 06:52

oham i thought the same. 4 dates in a week with Mr F and time for more than one smog with Mr S.
That and the sex toys mean this thread isn’t ringing very true to me.

ALittleBitConfused1 · 10/12/2018 07:13

Without being rude it sounds to me like you're a bit desperate to find someone.
I think you like Mr Fun but your gut is telling you he only wants sex. That's fine but you are saying you don't just want that so why string it out. 3 dates and buying sex toys is the opposite of going slow. Tbh it sounds as though he is your favourite and therefore you are ignoring your instincts, never a wise move ONE. Do you have a history of doing this and going for emotionally unavailable men who you don't trust. Are you one of those women who believe he will change his mind and fall hopelessly in love with you? He probably won't.
Irony think you fancy or like Mr S at all. It sounds as though just him kissing you is putting you off. I think on paper he is perfect but in real life that spark just isn't there. I don't think there is anything wrong in dating more than one person, but i also dont think this is a case of liking two men at once. More a case of you like one man but know he's going to fuck you over once he has had his fun so are keeping the nice guy hanging on until then.

Original poster
ru345 · 10/12/2018 07:20

It’s rare I get that much free time as had holidays and Mr Serious meet at lunchtimes except one evening out. Mr Fun had lunch time date then evening so 2 on first day. Yes so 3 evening dates in one week have not done since my 20s and will possibly not get that again as was just lucky had childcare and hols. Usually get 1 eve a week to go out as have supportive family. Will be seeing Mr Fun One eve this week that’s my evening out this week. Time is precious and as a mum who never left house for 8 years home educating I think it’s important to not waste time and grab that free time as I said it’s rare so just went for it! Making up for lost time as whole of my 30s until mid 40s didn’t even get chance to have one date now I am reaping the rewards of early years I worked hard as my boy is brilliant and doing so well now etc just having some me time back now...what is wrong with that?

OP posts:
Original poster
ru345 · 10/12/2018 07:27

@Alittlebit sounds about right! That’s exactly Mr Fun I know in my gut! But no history of doing this at all. I do like Mr Serious and I do like kissing him. Happened really fast wasn’t expecting any of it! Maybe neither are right for me I am starting to think!

OP posts:
TooOldForThis67 · 10/12/2018 07:53

@ru345 - I'm surprised no one else said that - maybe neither are right for me.....
I'd be wary of any guy that talked about slowing down but buying sex toys! The other guy you don't seem to fancy much.
Why settle for either of them! Stay on the OLD sites and get a few more irons. Relax and have fun with it. I always make it clear that I want to have fun but am looking for long-term so if somethings not working for me I'm quick to call it a day.

Dirtybadger · 10/12/2018 10:00

Neither sound ideal.

One isn't after a relationship and you are. One is but you don't really fancy him.

Dump both.

Original poster
ru345 · 10/12/2018 17:58

Hi guys just come back from date with Mr S he is lovely but sadly no spark at all for me....I wish their was! He is lovely to me. I will go out with him pre Xmas but then tell him after Xmas as don’t want to ruin Xmas for him.

OP posts:
AFistfulofDolores1 · 10/12/2018 18:14

Good grief, woman! Tell him now!

Bernina · 10/12/2018 18:27

Tell him now. You would deny him the chance to meet someone else over Xmas?

Extrastout · 10/12/2018 18:33

Neither of them are right for you. If it was really right with one, you would have no interest in anyone else. You may get rid of both of them I'm afraid!

Original poster
ru345 · 10/12/2018 18:56

Staying with Mr Fun tomorrow got to admit feel like a teenager again! But know deep down it won’t last!

OP posts:
Original poster
ru345 · 10/12/2018 18:57

I can’t tell Mr S I don’t want to ruin his Xmas!

OP posts:
AFistfulofDolores1 · 10/12/2018 18:58

You're not that special, OP.

I mean that not in a bitchy way, but I do feel your response inflates your sense of importance.

AFistfulofDolores1 · 10/12/2018 19:00

It would be better if you were honest and said you didn't want to tell him because you can't handle it. You have no idea how he'll respond.

Bernina · 10/12/2018 19:28

How nasty and controlling not letting the man have fun at Christmas because you are still stringing him along. You met online and had a few dates, I really don't think it'll ruin his Christmas.

bigchris · 10/12/2018 19:37

How would you ruin his Xmas?

It's the tenth of fucking December 😂

SierraSmythe · 10/12/2018 19:54

Definitely tell him asap OP! Don't be cruel!

RyderWhiteSwan · 10/12/2018 20:05

OP I think being with two men at once has made you a bit giddy! you really need to end it with Mr S so he can look elsewhere for someone for Christmas dating. As pps have said, it's only the 10th of December so he still has time for this. Stringing him along is cruel.

TemptressofWaikiki · 10/12/2018 20:10

Your behaviour is shitty OP.

Original poster
ru345 · 10/12/2018 20:13

Yes your right he still got time to find someone else then! Wish I liked him that way as he is lovely! Maybe I will grow to like him that way? That was what I was hoping?

Don’t want to give him up in case he is Mr Right? I don’t know yet as only had 5 dates with Mr S.

OP posts:
Notacluethisxmas · 10/12/2018 20:21

You describe your fuck buddy (that's what he is, not judging) as a player.

What are you doing to the other guy? Playing him. You are dating him, part I g him think something is building but planning on dumping his was after Christmas.

I actually don't think what you are doing is ok. Not unless you made clear to both that you are dating multiple people and Mr serious knows you have a fuck buddy.

You are clearly stringing Mr serious along. It's better to be honest than go through Christmas with him thinking you have something with potential, then dump him after. At which point he realises you pity dated him for a bit.

It actually sounds like you just think Christmas will be better with the nice guy to fill sometime in.

Extrastout · 10/12/2018 21:04

Basically you are having a relationship with two men and together they meet all your needs, but neither of them meet your needs separately.
It's a bit like bigamy.
As I said, neither meet your needs.
Just finish with both of them. Mr Sex, will probably have a few to fall back on and Mr Nice will probably find someone else who is attracted to him.
I think it's not about caring about either of them for Christmas. It's about you caring about yourself being alone at Christmas.

rememberatime · 10/12/2018 21:09

I've been in your situation and couple of times (although my relationships are open so I tell everyone about everyone else). But I also had a Mr Serious, who I eventually had to admit wasn't going anywhere. But we still go out together and enjoy each other's company as friends and it works out really well. he was disappointed that I wasn't feeling it - but he's happy as friends. Maybe this is how you can present it to Mr Serious.
As for Mr Fun - I can't believe the judging you are getting from some people. You are a grown woman. Have fun, enjoy the sex, experiment a bit, try some new things and keep looking for Mr Right. he will come along and in the meantime you are working out what suits you and what you like.
As for the sex toys - I would be a bit excited about that. But that's just me.

Original poster
ru345 · 10/12/2018 23:40

@remember thanks I needed that and going to present Mr S with I want to be friends and keep it as that as I really do think he is lovely!

Mr F well what can I say I feel 21 again! It’s fun and exciting! Yes looking forward to tomorrow and toys it isn’t going to last so just going to enjoy it for what it is ....sex!

Neither Mr S or Mr F I will be with over Xmas as with my family...so wasn’t using them for company over Xmas was just thinking of not hurting anyone’s feelings at this time. Had it done to me over Xmas in past not nice so will see as not seeing Mr S for 2 weeks my next available free time.

Tbh won’t have time to see either in NY as starting uni again and work and family won’t have time to date for a year!

OP posts: