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Original poster

Did I do something wrong here?

29 replies

huiledolives · 08/12/2018 20:53

I met a guy at an activity I go to. There is a big age difference; he's 22 and I'm 30 but he seemed mature so I gave it a go.

He asked me on the first six or so dates? Seemed really keen, always text, wanted to meet up, made plans for the future.

Out of the blue I heard from a mutual friend he was worried about where things were going as he didn't want anything serious. We had a chat and decided we would keep it casual. He continued to do all the chasing.

Back to normal for another few weeks when out of the blue he stopped communicating, became busy all the time. Heard again from a mutual friend that he wanted to end it but didn't want to upset me?

I called him out on it and he said that he was worried it was getting too serious and that's not what he wants. So we have ended things completely.

Tell me I did nothing wrong here please?! Was this just him blowing hot and cold?

OP posts:
TwistedChristmas · 08/12/2018 21:06

You've done nothing wrong at all. Typical male fuckwittage ime (at the risk of being sexist). It's often the case where they chase, chase, chase, then they change their mind and off they run leaving you confused and pissed off. He's shown his immaturity. Lucky escape for you Thanks

Original poster
huiledolives · 08/12/2018 21:15

Thanks! Just feeling a bit stupid. After this short amount of time I hadn't really given thought to if it would be serious or not, so I'm slightly rejected that he decided to soon on that it wasn't.

OP posts:
JennyHolzersGhost · 08/12/2018 21:20

But it was said from the start that he didn’t want anything serious ?

Linsalara · 08/12/2018 21:20

That is a massive age gap. What do you think he wanted from you Maggie Mae?

Linsalara · 08/12/2018 21:21
Linsalara · 08/12/2018 21:23

Honestly, did you actually think for one minute that a 22 year old was going to settle down with you?

Just sounds very predatory to me.

Harramph · 08/12/2018 21:25

Ignore Linsalara. Not predatory at all.

He sounds quite immature OP.

Linsalara · 08/12/2018 21:26

He's 22!

PleaseJustSayNo · 08/12/2018 21:27

Bit harsh @Linsalara. Sounds more like OP has been led on. After all he was the one doing all of the chasing (both pre and post apparently wanting it casual).

From what the OP says, she actually gave him what he asked for. He's just to childish and immature to communicate like a grown up. His loss OP, eventually he'll grow some balls and have the courage to be open and honest and not need others to do his dirty work

Linsalara · 08/12/2018 21:28

Too childish and immature? Yes, because he's 22! Haha.

Original poster
huiledolives · 08/12/2018 21:29

22 is adult age, no? Hardly predator behaviour.

OP posts:
ILoveDolly · 08/12/2018 21:29

He was probably just worried it was getting too much. Its quite a big age gap, maybe he thought you'd want to settle down before he did.

PleaseJustSayNo · 08/12/2018 21:29

What a bullshit statement. 22 has nothing to do with it. I know many lads who were not so pathetic at 22 🤔

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 08/12/2018 21:32

Are you a man Linsalara?

Kittenrush · 08/12/2018 21:32

He’s 22 not 17, and OP is 30. Jesus if that’s predatory then a lot of relationships are in trouble!
You’ve done nothing wrong at all, sounds all about him and his hang ups. If you’re having to hear all this through a mutual friend you’ve dodged a bullet!

charliecheese · 08/12/2018 21:34

What makes you think you did something wrong? From what you've said he wanted a casual fling and you wanted your dating to continue. You seemingly want different things and that's allowed.

Original poster
huiledolives · 08/12/2018 21:37

Maybe I'm just put out because he was mad keen and then lost interest.

OP posts:
Orange6904 · 08/12/2018 22:09

'he's immature' erm well he is 22.

charliecheese · 08/12/2018 22:11

He may well have been very up for it, especially you being older than him, very exciting! Some guys really like this, especially when they're so young! Probably just experimenting... He's a tadpole, chuck him back in.

LizzieSiddal · 08/12/2018 22:16

You’re expecting him to be more serious about the relationship. Maybe he’s picked up on this?

SuperSuperSuper · 08/12/2018 22:22

You've done nothing wrong. He's been really discourteous and cowardly, letting you hear things from third parties. He's old enough to know better.

BumbleBeee69 · 08/12/2018 22:23

Who the HELL is this Mutual Friend that seems to know more about your relationship that you guys, call me suspicious but I am Hmm

sollyfromsurrey · 08/12/2018 22:27

You've done nothing wrong. He's done nothing wrong. No need for people here picking sides and lambasting one or the other. Just two people dated. Then one realised he wasn't feeling it enough to continue so ended it. Could he have been verbally cleared near the end? Yes. Is it pathological that he didn't? No. He's 22. Sheesh. I know 40 year olds that find it awkward to communicate clearly. No baddies here. But stop beating yourself up. He liked you enough to keep dating you until he didn't like you enough to continue. That's no criticism of you or him. Just life.

jessstan2 · 08/12/2018 22:30

You did nothing wrong. It all sounds quite normal. No hard feelings I hope.

Original poster
huiledolives · 08/12/2018 22:36

The mutual friend is gay (female), no worries there.

OP posts:
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