Suspicious - what to look out for

[justilou1]

I have a gut feeling he's seeing someone else. We've not had sex for months and we're basically like distant relatives now. I could be anyone, really. What signs should I be looking for, and for those who are more tech savvy (basically anyone aged ten and up) what should I look for when I nick his phone when he's asleep?
(I'm concerned about money missing, for a start....)

Hey OP not an expert but didn't want to read and run.
If you get his phone look through the usual messaging apps; WhatsApp snapchat messenger and also others like kik. Check emails too.
Even fully deleted messages are suspicious there wouldn't be a link to someone else and no messages IYSWIM.
If he thinks he's not on the radar he may but complacent and has left things undeleted.
Get evidence of whatever you find, he will deny it all when confronted.
Try to be savvy (easier said than done) don't lose you cool don't show your full hand and let him hand himself.
That aside hugs for you lovely, what a shitter

If it's an iPhone you can look at the battery and see how much is spent on each app / site ?
I think ?

Check internet search history. Also cookies.
If money is missing then maybe check bank statements too.
I hope your suspicions aren’t correct.

Hi there, you already have money missing so continue investigating that. Get bank statements, credit card statements, go through them. Does he have separate bank account or credit card? Look at money transfers to any accounts. Any unusual payments? Location of atm withdrawals? Do these tally with his location as far as you are aware?

So thats a start with money, next thing he needs is opportunity.. Does he socialise? Who with? Does he do work trips away from home? Does he socialise with work? Has he started working later? Any change in routine? Could you change your routine to meet him unexpectedly?

I'm not too tech savvy myself. Usual stuffs re: messages, emails, check for sent and deleted too, google maps maybe for location? Does he have a separate phone, pc for work and do you have access? Is there a possibility of a secret phone? Check what apps are on his phone and usage of each.

Most importantly listen to your gut instinct and try to keep a clear head. Journalling can help greatly with this (make sure he cant access the journal!)

As a previous poster said, if he doesnt think you suspect, he may be more complacent. Dont discuss with him or if there is something going on, he will try to cover his tracks.

Good luck. I hope your suspicions are unfounded

Taking phone everywhere.

Being really upbeat and excited but not sharing why (mood changes that seem to come out of nowhere).

Creating arguments from something silly.

Suddenly overly critical of you and your appearence.

Any work dos or nights out that he/she comes back late from (not always a sign but was for me) and not keeping in touch as they usually would whilst there.

Suddenly buying new clothes, changing appearence, change of their 'look'.

Yes, very protective of their phone, any change in password? maybe leaving the house with phone to make private phone calls - eager to go to the shops for errands, dog getting the legs walked off him?

Apart from mood swings do you notice him projecting anything on to you? Accusing you of cheating? Of detachment?

Oh yeah the errands one! My ex suddenly wanted to go to the shop all the time. I suppose that isn't that weird, but it was different and far too excited about buying kitchen roll!

Ah well, at least the house was well stocked!
Dont forget about social media. Any new friends, pattern of likes? Make sure you go back before you feel things changed between you. Check the boring ones like linkin too. Thats where my ex and the ow first made contact.
Look at your own social media too. Chances are any potential ow if she knows about you will b curious

New clothes, new aftershave, blonde hairs in the car, perfect imprint of ladies wedge shoes in the carpet of the passenger seat footwell - speaking from experience here.

1 Tap the "Settings" icon on your home screen. ...
2 Select "Privacy." ...
3 Tap "Location Services." ...
4 Scroll down to the bottom of the menu and choose "System Services." ...
5 Then scroll down and tap "Frequent Locations." ...
6 Now you'll see a list of the different cities you've been to in the "History" section.

Works like a charm every time...

Mileage on his car - does that add up to where he says he has been.
Search history on FB and other social media. 2nd phone will be his in something in his car - glasses case, sports bad, under seat.

Read up on body language of liars - especially “micro movements” - save a random Q until you are in full observation mood.

BUT if you are not happy just leave - you don’t need a reason - are you looking for one?

Missed the money bit. He might have a gambling, addiction or debt issue. Could that be possible?

@Sausage101

Might sound thick as two planks here but why would they wanna run errands/walk the dog? I mean what could thy get up to in that amount of time ? Surely, they can't organise to meet the woman whilst in between getting bits n bobs as partner would get suspicious why it's taken so long ?

Just wondering what to look out for myself,

In my case it was so that he could talk to her on the phone/meet her quickly in the town centre.

Yep, to have a phone conversation without anyone wondering who he was talking to.

Thanks for all of these hints. He’s cleaned the car a bit too often for my liking. That was one of the reasons I was a bit suspicious. The blonde hairs won’t help. Our two daughters and I are blonde, and so is the dog! (Well, the dog is sable, so she has dark hair too - just to confuse things!) I’m going to wait til he goes to work and go into the bank and get printed statements and take them into our counsellor. I’m wondering why we’ve been living on my inheritance and why all of his income has been going straight onto his credit card. He has been paying rent and our utilities, but our living expenses (In Australia) are enormous in comparison. WTAF! There should be savings.... There is no benefit to squirreling it onto a credit card, and he fucking knows that. Meanwhile, he has been a bit odd about claiming some money back from medical insurance like it’s really urgent. Maybe there is something I don’t know. He is also pushing me to sell one of the cars to a leasing company to minimise his weekly expenses and I am seeking further clarification. I held him hostage with this one and told him that I wouldn’t consider it at all until he made an appointment with a marriage guidance counsellor. Shit, we’re in great shape, aren’t we?

Go with your gut feeling, I ignored mine for a bit, I knew something was up though.

Good luck.

I rent with my gut feeling too, not a good outcome 😢

Feeling very sad for my kids right now. They have had so much disruption following him around the world and interstate for his work (and his ego).

Living off your inheritcance and saving his wages separately will bebreason enough for me to leave, OW or not.

Agree with santaclause.

You need to take control of the money situation asap.

You need his credit card statements before the marriage counsellor I would think to know what you are dealing with. Whether it's ow, gambling, addiction or just a bit useless with money.

If he is not happy to hand them over, tell him he will have to anyway as part of financial disclosure in a separation/divorce.

I’m thinking forensic accountant!!!

Also going to see a trusted financial guy and getting the inheritance locked up so we are living off his income. Will keep a secret escape fund just in case it hits the fan.