I will never have the marrriage in your twenties and a young family. 36 and still not met the right one. Anyone else felt this?

[parkedandroses]

I’m having a moping night tonight which isn’t attractive I know.

I’ve got my shit together - job, house, friends. I have interests but my job does take up a lot of my free time.

I’ve dated. Then given up. Then dated again. Mainly on dating apps.

Just feeling like it will never happen and all my friends married in their twenties.

Posting for support really. Tomorrow I will probably feel better again but I’m really low tonight :( xx

Thank you all so much for taking time to respond.

Poster above - the waking up in the night is horrible isn’t it? It’s like a sinking panic and everything feeling like it’s lost. I hate it and it is happening so often.

I maybe need to broaden my circles a bit to meet someone.

I don’t want to end up alone. Most people I meet online are really keen to meet again and I also have often thought maybe just go for it with one of them and have a family, even if I’m not actually in love. It’s not how I imagined or wanted it to be though.

Yes OP it’s a horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach, I wake with it most days.

At least you are internet dating, that’s positive and I do think it’s just a numbers game. You’re only looking for one guy so the more you meet the more likely you are to find the right one.

I’m meeting new men through some hobbies but none so far that are suitable (lots of much younger/older men or gay or taken men!). I am being more open in general though and saying yes to social events.

I’ve even thought of doing something like Parkrun or British Military Fitness as lots of youngish men go there...but I hate most sports and can’t run 5k or do a single push-up 😂.

Sometimes it just feels like rotten luck or timing. I’ve had a few situations just not work out due to something totally out of my control. Most people seem to assume I’m too picky or “up myself” and have a no one’s good enough for me attitude. It’s not at all true.

It must be very hard to understand what it’s like to be us for someone who found it quite easy to settle down. It seems to just all come together for a lot of people.

You are clearly an attractive person as you’ve got men showing interest in pursuing things further so you can take heart from that. Just keep trying to meet more men and increasing your chance of clicking with someone.

If you come up with any ideas, please share them!

OP, why is the "20-something" thing important to you? The average age for women to get married is 30 in the UK these days. That means that a LOT of people are getting married over 30. I only know one person who got married in her 20s, and that's because she is very religious and wouldn't have sex before marriage.

Have you considered some therapy for this issue? If you have trouble getting past it, it might give you extra clarity?

The 20 thing was important because I wanted a long marriage and I wanted to be a young parent. I wanted to be able to look back on things and think I grew with that person and had that young love thing.

I’ve become more cynical as I have become older. If I married at 25 I would have thought it was everything. Now I would care less about the wedding day and more about the marriage, but still, it is nice to have that young love feeling isn’t it?

I think also all my friends did it with the exception of two. So I’m the odd one out. I have other friends now who are in different situations but obviously I am still friends with the old ones and I still see their now 6 year olds and think how much time has passed and I haven’t even started.

Feel so alone. Hate this time of night.

Me and DH got together when I was 38 and he was 39.
2.5yrs later and we had the most beautiful Wedding last Sunday and yesterday celebrated our gorgeous little boys first Birthday.
You never know what’s round the corner x

I feel so alone today. And impatient. Went on a date on Thursday and he text to meet again but I just am not feeling it. Maybe I never will with anyone

parked but there are advantages and disadvantages to every situation. The guys I chose in my 20s were, looking back, not at all right for me. My husband - I would never have chosen him in my 20s but he's perfect for me. You're looking at the hypothetical past with rose-tinted glasses. You could have married and be divorced and only have your kid part-time now.

Besides which, I have grown so much since I met my husband. You don't stop growing once you hit 30 - if anything, I think I've changed more in the past three or four years.

I think you sound like you're in a panicky anxious place and that is not great. But sit with the feelings and try to reason them out.

Hisaishi sounds ott:

"Oh and "There are millions of options"? Bollocks

Are you always this rude to people?"

No. But you are being unrealistic. There aren't many options!! Not ideal ones anyway.

oblomov as I said above, obviously I didn't literally mean 'millions'. You know exaggeration for effect, right?

Is that honestly what you're taking from this thread?

I pointed out to the OP that 'meet man have baby' is not the only way.

Nothing is ideal in this world. Even meeting the man part, as we all know. You have to play with the cards you're dealt, and if a man is not in the OPs cards, then the other options are what she needs to look at. How the hell is that unrealistic? That's the very definition of realism.

I have to agree with pps, this 'young love' thing is a bit misguided, OP. Nearly everyone I know was in a LTR in their twenties that wasn't right for them (myself included), and it was the relationship after that that was the love of their life. My BF just met 'the one' last year at 39, after a number of doomed relationships throughout her 20s with immature men. I only married my DH at 35.

I understand that you're lonely and it sucks, OP But focussing on not getting married in your 20s is a waste of energy.

I don’t think there is a right or wrong way. Most people who got together really young are either split or dragging out a marriage. The most happy couples I know got together later in life. Kids put a massive strain on a relationship it’s not all roses. You have plenty of time.

I have your dream- married early 20s had 2 kids- I'm now 38.

I wish i'd spent more time working out who i was and being less codependent. I'd have been a much better parent and person if i'd spent more time on my own or with other partners before i married.

Life is hard and sad and I wish i was making the big decisions now rather than when i was a muppet 20year old.

I have the same sadness and panic you describe about my situation and my future. On paper my life is "perfect".

Thanks calf the dose of reality again, it’s helled me put it all in perspective this morning!

Last night I was (as usual) full of panic.

I get that meet man have baby isn’t the only option and thank you to the poster who said this...I needed to hear it.

It definitely isn’t a good idea to think about the 20s marriage. I think it always comes to mind as it is those who met and married in their 20s are all very settled with children right now. Maybe if I knew more people marrying older and having families I would see it differently.

It is so nice to read these posts you have all picked me up from a bit of a pit in the early hours of this morning x

Helped*! Stupid phone!!

How would you feel about adoption op? I know it's not always easy but would that be an option if you are able to?

I don’t thinkni would want to adopt alone.

I just want to feel settled with someone but I know I’ve turned down chances to settle with people who I was only half hearted about